Feeeeeeee. Lings.
Giddiness: When the garbage collection company drops off a large brand spankin’ new recycling can to replace the (stupid) little, topless makeshift craptacular recycling bins of yesterweek…and (insert happy clappy) it is emptied each and every week! Oh! And! Get this!! No more sorting! Weeeee!
Sadness: Realizing you were really effing giddy about the new recycling can.
Happiness: Having a new friend tell you that you look really young for your age.
Sadness: finally figuring out why the computer sometimes goes all whackaupanddown is because your hefty bosom is resting on the keyboard, and (a) you can’t FEEL that your bosom is pressing keys and (b) you’re ON the keyboard because (1a) you’re blind and leaning close to the screen and (1b) you’re gaining weight.
Irrational Desire: I will never wear this, yet I want it.
Sadness: The reason I’ll never wear that awesome necklace is because I’m too lazy to iron a white cotton shirt that it would look so good paired with.
Annoyance: I still find myself singing “ON THE WINGS OF LOOOVVVEEEEE” thanks to the neverending coverage of Jake and The One He Picked from The Bachelor
Naughtiness: I’m hoping you’ve got that stuck in your brain now, too.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:24 pm |
Happy Birthday, Dear Nugget…
I’ve heard people say this for years and have rolled my eyes in annoyance, but since having kids, I think it all the time and try NOT to say it in public, especially around people without children, but hear me roar: the greatest love I’ve ever known is the one I feel for my dearests– Jojo and Nugget.
I thought I knew love. I thought I’d experienced the most bestest, deepest and loveliest love imaginable with Mr. Squirrel, and then, there we went and had two beautiful boys who blew the cap right off the ol’ love-o-meter.
Nugget, I adore you. I love your “chop-chops,” cries for MIMI, how you want no one but me when you first wake up, how you ask for “Daddy Kiss” before going to bed, how you sweetly kiss anyone looking sad or hurt, the way you walk in boots, your chunky biscuits, how you “ding-dong” bellybuttons, that you laugh at your own jokes and that you absolutely love your big brother. The list could go on. I could type all day, but then I wouldn’t be able to cuddle and play with you.
Happy birthday, my big, beautiful, kind, smart and funny 2 year old.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
1:30 pm |
If I Were a SuperHero Today…
I would be Super Bitch! Quick to anger! Able to find irritation in the littlest sweet things. She sees even the tallest and fullest glass as dirty and so full of liquid suck it should be shot and buried.
blahblah bitchity blah.
Here’s hoping I retire this cape after a good night of sleep.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
3:18 pm |
How Many Showtunes Does It Take?
To get my husband to change the fricking lightbulbs I’ve been complaining about for the past forever months?
One.
One beautifully sung Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.
I took Paula’s advice and made it my own, suggesting Mr. Squirrel put down the Legos and for the love of Argentina, CHANGE THE LIGHTBULBS.
Maybe it was the $3 Target microphone. Maybe it was the vibrato and sweeping arm gestures.
Maybe he wanted to shut me up.
Yeah, that was probably why, but who cares?! It worked!
Next time you want your husband to finish that project he promised you, give my method a try.
I’m off to compose my next aria to encourage him to finish that damn basement project.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:48 pm |
Problem Solved!
Today a friend dropped off some movies for my cabin-fevered kids along with the latest Solutions catalog.
You’ve received this catalog, right? Everyone gets this catalog, or your mom does and you flip through it when you’re home for the holidays.
My friend was dying to show me what she discovered in the latest catalog.
That’s definitely not a back massager.
When did they start selling vibrators? I don’t remember stumbling across those in the pages of this catalog before. I wonder if it’s their first time selling them online or in the catalog, and if it will be their last.
I can’t imagine many customers letting this go. I wonder if the personal massager page made it into every catalog of those intended for more liberal-leaning states. I almost want to call their 1-800 number of find out.
What do you guys think? Is this old news? Do you think it’s weird? Weird good or weird bad? I think it’s all kinds of awesome, but I probably wouldn’t think that if I found myself on that page sitting next to my dad on the couch at Christmas and him seeing it and then me noticing him seeing it and then awkwardness ensues. But otherwise? I don’t mind.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:02 pm |
Confessional: I Like the Soup!
I’ve been into soup for the past two winters. I love cooking up a batch on the weekends or throughout the day and having a steaming bowl for dinner with some warm bread (that I don’t bake). Let’s not go nutso, people.
A few days ago, I made this soup. It was reeedonkulously good.
After dinner, I popped back online to tag the recipe in my online recipe box and while farting around (figuratively, of course) (maybe), I read in one of the recipe’s reviews that the soup was modeled after The Olive Garden’s famous soup.
Me? Ms. OG Mocker vanMockerstein, cooking and devouring an OG-inspired soup? Oh. The irony.
I thought it might make some of you laugh triumphantly and raise your breadsticks in celebration of my pretentious foodie-asshattery. This confession is for you.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:34 pm |
Acceptance: I’m Getting Old (and other random stuff).
But sweet meats and cheeses, I’m not a crumbling house. I don’t need patching and tools. It’s MY FACE, not drywall.
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My memory is not right. Last night, I was checking out the family calendar to see what was in store for the week, and for Monday it said “afternoon playdate with Jojo and Nugget.”
So I scheduled a playdate with my own kids? Great!
I placed this embarrassment up on my Facebook profile in hopes that whomever I scheduled the playdate with would let me.
Of course, it was one of my two local friends who won’t get on Facebook that I had the playdate with. It all worked out though and not just because her fridge was stocked with diet pop.
My self-imposed no-pop diet is not going so well.
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I do not like this tshirt.
That has nothing to do with the other morsels o’ bitterness up top, but I just thought I’d let you know.
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I don’t want to end on a crabby note, so I am posting a question about WHAT has gotten into Jojo and his baby brother and their posing for pictures?! It’s just dinner, bud. No need to throw signs.
Maybe they’re just psyched about the broccolini.
They’re going to go shiznit tomorrow when I throw down some brussel sprouts.
Word.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
8:58 pm |
Acceptance: I Have an Extraordinarily Large Cranium
PROOF: No “one size” adult woman hat ever fits me. I’ll pull and tug, and eventually, the hat will scootch up my head until it’s perched idiotically on top.
Am I the only one with this problem? Should I just suck it up and buy from the men’s section or are there vendors that cater to women with ginormous pumpkin-sized noggins?
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:23 pm |
Quality Time with Jojo
Today I spent a solid four hours with my eldest son, Jojo, out and about, on a mommy-son adventure.
First we headed into the city for a show at a planetarium. Jojo was a delight. I only wish I could have enjoyed watching him (stare at the stars, whisper questions, shout observations, and just be the great and wild 4.5 year old he is) while simultaneously napping in the comfortable, dark star-lit room.
The Blackberry photo I snapped of him holding up Mars in the planets lineup didn’t turn out, but just imagine an excited yet shy smiling Jojo trying desperately not to throw or bounce Mars because he knows he’s not suppose to as one of the children chosen to help hold up the planets. Then the boy holding Venus bounced her, and well, Mars got tossed about a bit, but he held it together remarkably well for Jojo.
He was so proud to be Mars, even though he wanted to be The Sun. Maybe next time, I said. But Mars, is pretty darn cool. Later at home, we watched videos of the Mars rover and how the robots arrived through space (7 months travel time!). Awesomeness.
Afterwards, we ventured around the small museum and giftshop. Then we ran hand-in-hand across the deserted downtown streets to our car. We hopped in, navigated the twisty streets in search of the highway on-ramp, and jetted to our next stop: LUNCH! Momma was getting a headache.
We decided on Panera, and Jojo opted not to get soup, although I should have just gotten it, because he would have eventually eaten it, unlike the grilled cheese, which he doesn’t like because “it’s not like our grilled cheese.” Being saturated with butter can be a good thing, but not for Jojo. One chocolate milk, chunk of bread and fruit cup later, we headed to our third stop: the Lego aisle at Wal-Mart.
Normally, I try not to visit Wal-Mart often and/or especially on the weekends, but it was next door to Panera, and I can’t be that close and not check out their Lego selection…that’s just silly.
We were halfway through the store, sans cart, when he noticed the escalator to the food section where you can have your cart ride along next to you on the escalator. How can we not try that out?
Back to the front of the cart for us! The Lego selection, btw, wasn’t all that. Nothing new or interesting, so we headed to produce to restock his daily breakfast of peppers and cucumbers. I’m really not complaining, except that I guess I am: peppers are expensive. I know. Breaking news! You read it here first.
Ok, after buying more peppers (green! red! yellow! orange!), we stopped into one last store: Party City. Why? No reason except that Jojo liked what he saw through the windows. Boy did he have some great ideas for Nugget’s upcoming 2nd birthday party: candy, balloons and bouncy balls. Really, I think he might be a party planner when he grows up, although he did reveal on our adventure today that when he grows up, he wants to be a Lego Builder.
Party City, I found out, is an excellent cold weather activity. Jojo thoroughly enjoyed trying on hats and glasses:
And if you do want to reward your child(ren) for excellent behavior or a special treat, they have individual candies or inexpensive prizes of allll shapes, sizes and colors. Jojo had already requested a cucumber for the ride home, so I was set from our produce purchases at Wal-Mart. So we just tried on silly things and left.
We had the best time. It was nice to share extended one-on-one time with him. And as much as we loved our time together, we covered daddy and The Nugget in kisses and hugs as soon as we arrived home. Boy did we miss them.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:38 am |
Question Answered with Picture
Question: How did Presidents’ Week School Vacation treat me?
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
8:32 pm |
