-image-Kalamazoo?

April 23, 2006 | vacation

So yes, we’re in my home city of Kalamazoo, visiting family and friends. My husband left for New York today to return to work, while Jojo and I fly out to Fort Myers tomorrow. He was fabulous on the flight here, so knock on wood that he behaves on the flights to Florida. All is pretty much the same here in Kzoo except that my college has a swanky new library with a coffee shop. Oh how that would have been nice. Not the gorgeous woodwork, updated computer terminals, high tech classrooms, nor the fireplaces. Not even the coffee. But hello pastries. Hellooooo my sweet little scone. I think I even saw a cheese danish. Oh I would have been even chunkier. But happy. Blissfully happy.

And apparently there was a film made in Kalamazoo called…deep breath… “Kalamazoo?” It stars the girl from Blossom. No, I’m not kidding. My friend, Amy, who I used to babysit but now is a college grad and lives in sin (yay!) with her boyfriend, said there was a red carpet premiere and people showed up to get autographs. She was mortified. I was embarrassed just hearing about it. Anyway, needless to say, I must now hunt down and watch this film.
Here’s the lowdown: Three young women return to their Michigan hometown to attend their 10th high-school reunion. Upon learning that a time capsule will be opened at the event, they plot to steal and destroy it before its embarrassing contents can be made public. The spirits of their dead grandmothers complicate matters further by trying to help the friends carry out the scheme.

I’m all about digging up an embarrassing time capsule. I totally understand. I’m for having a big ol’ bonfire and burning up all of the yearbooks, too. But spirits of dead grandmothers? I’m not so sure about this plot twist.

Another reason to watch the movie? They filmed part of it at my favorite doughnut place, Sweetwater’s. Seriously, Mayim, back off my baked goods:

Sweetwater’s reminds me of college…when I guess even without the coffee shop in the library, I still managed to score many a doughnut. Several times, my friends and I would circle the place waiting for the staff to put out the ginormous bag of old doughnuts, hereafter referred to as the motherlode. By “put out” I mean “set out to go into the dumpster.” Nevertheless, we would steal it, haul it back to the dorm, where most of the doughnuts would congeal into gooey, mushy nastiness, and then we would pick out a few to gnaw on. Sexy, eh? The last time I tried to score the motherlode, I was out-pastried by the father of one of my friends from high school. Seriously. Divorce was not treating him well.

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April 16, 2006 | Me, music! music! music!

watery, red eyes
red, raw nose
sneezing
headache

I’m just HOT right now, people. And not in a fevery way. In a “I look like I have the plague” way. I’m so far past sleep deprivation that I’m on the verge of zombiedom.

I’m too tired to post a review of my weekend, which I need to do because HELLO we went to see Guster and it ended up being at a renovated-into-a-dorm Ramada Inn. And I was sick. Did I mention that? At one point, I sneezed 8 times in a row. Then 7 times in a row. I know, it’s nothing like in fifth grade when I sneezed 28 (or 35? It was a factor of 7…but both are impressive, heh?) times on the way to an assembly. But still, people were steering clear. And the free water the site had out contained fecal looking floaties. This would have been fine had they not demanded that I throw out my perfectly good bottled water. And the site (damn you, Union College) gave the wrong location and time to Guster, so we arrived waaay early to the wrong location. And I was sick. Did I mention that? All this adds up to one crabby, red-eyed, red-nosed, nervous mommy. We only stayed for 45 minutes of Guster’s set, because I couldn’t bear to have our friends stay up any later watching Jojo. But. We saw Guster. Our boys. So, it was worth it.

And that concludes this poorly written and boring post. Lo siento muchisimo.

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April 10, 2006 | Jojo, Me, a girl's gotta shop

I’ve had some requests for pictures of the chunky highlights, so here goes… mind you, I’m the least photogenic person I know. Seriously, I’m worse than Gary Busey. But Jojo’s photogenic, eh? He’s hammin’ it up!

But then he gets all serious and worries that you all are going to convince me to go for short hair because really… this hair pulling thing hurts like a mofo.

But the laugh is on mommy, because there are other ways to cause pain! Behold the eyeball grab!

Ok, what was this post suppose to be about? Oh yes, the mahogany lowlights/rare blonde highlights on my usually blonde (seriously) head. They’re all chunky up front, dontcha think? Hmmm… it’s kind of too late now to complain, so I’m just sucking it up and hoping the Florida sun will bring more of the blonde out.

On another chunky note… I did finally find an acceptable bathing suit for Florida. Thank you, Target. It’s black. It’s a tankini. It’s not completely hideous. Here’s a picture of me in it below. Not. Come on! I know a lot of you read this over your lunch hour! Give me some credit.

-image-Words of Warning…not heeded

April 6, 2006 | a girl's gotta shop

I received this advice from Poodle, yet I did not heed her warning:

Whatever you do, please don’t go with one of those
tankini-appearing-yet-attached-so-it-billows suits from Lands End. It will age
you 10-fold and you’re just better off with a whore skirt.

And now, on my dining room table sits a discarded azure tankini. Just plain hideous. I looked like a blue bocci ball. I guess I should have been more suspect of the “empire waist” description. It didn’t appear billowy on their website. No billowing whatsoever. I guess I should have just listened to my wise friend. I guess I should just wear a whore skirt. Or a housecoat.

My bathing suit search is OVER. I’m waiting until I get down to Florida to find one, as the selection is bound to be more plentiful and varied. And no shipping charges. I can’t believe I have to pay to return this abbreviated muumuu.

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April 5, 2006 | TV/movie addiction, Me

I wussed out. My hair is still long. In the back at least. It’s super short up front and all long and luscious in the back. Well, ok, I’m lying. It’s just long, layered and did I mention chunky highlights? NO I didn’t, because I don’t like chunky highlights but I got ‘em. And did I mention some of the highlights are brown? When she turned me to the mirror, I almost gasped. There are big chunky brown highlights. On my formerly blonde head. My husband asked me why I went with mahogany highlights. Yeah, like I asked for this! I don’t know what to do. I hate to call and complain. I’m meeting up with Amber today, so she can give me her honest opinion as to my hair issues.

This girl who does my hair– she’s got some chunky ass highlights on her extensions, but it works for her. I’ve been to her 2x. She used to work at this upscale salon that was overpriced and I hated to go to because the owners are bitches. They always work the register/front desk and act like they’re doing me the biggest favor by handing over the polyester gown. Anyway, Heather (stylist) now works at this blue collaresque salon and isn’t overworked and underpaid. And, the location is closer for me and despite some of the colorful characters (like the girl whose phone ringtone was Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” or the employee who got all hot and bothered about Tony Fucking Danza), it’s worth it– they charge $85 for highlights and cut! Hot shit! Of course, I tipped her $20 (which I think is good…am I being cheap?). I hope not, because people…she is pregnant with twins. And currently has a 2 year old. She just found out yesterday, so she was still in a state. Poor thing.

And on a completely different note…has anyone seen “King Kong?” Well, if you haven’t, let me save you valuable time and money by saying DON’T SEE IT, IT COMPLETELY SUCKED ASS. If you have seen it and you’re a friend of mine (were invited to my wedding and/or have been to my home), then I must admit that I’m a tad pissed that you didn’t warn me not to waste my valuable time and money by renting this pile of horse shit. I’m suppose to be working on my swearing, too. Jesus. OK, so this movie was so fucking bad. I swear, I heard buzz before the Oscar nominations that this movie should get a best picture nod. I heard it from at least two tv peeps. Were they serious? Maybe I misheard and they meant Best Pile of Shit instead of Best Picture. I cannot believe Peter Jackson did that. It was whorendous. Terrible. Awful. It was worse than “The English Patient.” I’d watch “The English Patient” daily in order to repress or remove all memory of “King Kong.” And if you’re saying to yourself, “I kind of liked it” or even more mind-blowing “I loved that movie! I bought it!” Well then…maybe this blog isn’t for you. Maybe we can’t be friends anymore.

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April 4, 2006 | Jojo

listening to my husband read Goodnight Moon to Jojo before bed. I’m in the living room, overhearing this on the monitor. I want to run up and smother them both in kisses, but as soon as Jojo sees me, he gets all excited and wants to eat/pull my hair, as evident in previous post.

Sometimes Jojo gets to hear other stories. And then I, too, get to hear my husband mock me from afar. I’m not sure he knew I was listening when he pointed out to Jojo that like the pig in the story Tumble Bumble, mommy likes donuts, too. Well, if the trans fats fit…

Ok so what else…hmmm…slow day here. OH YES, Jojo rolled over. It was amazing and quick and yes! What a champion. Of course, he’ll never try it again, since mommy freaked out and went all high pitch on him and scooped him up in a triumphant rollover dance celebration. Poor kid. And I didn’t have the video camera handy or on or anything. It’s actually being used by my friend, Cindy, to document her baby for their out-of-state family. So when I called Cindy to ask how the taping was coming (and relay the exciting developmental milestone) she immediately asked “Jojo hasn’t rolled over yet has he?” Ha! A one-way ticket to Guilt City for her. But I assured her I wouldn’t have had the camera on to capture it anyway. I’m not that quick.

Well, one day until haircut day. I think I’m going to keep it long. I know…living on the edge.

And on another completely unrelated note, if anyone out there is going to Canada anytime soon, can you pick me up some underwear at Jacob? I’ll totally pay you back. They have theeee best underwear (if you’re into plain, comfy cotton bikini cut in awesome colors), but my last pair is suddenly sheer and holey. I don’t know what the hell happened, but they’ve lasted a long time, so don’t think I’m dissin’ my undies. My underwear rocks people! So yeah, if Canada is in your future, let me know.

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April 3, 2006 | Jojo, Me

Kind of like mommy jeans. You know…too short, too high-waisted and, of course, tapered at the ankle. I finally picked myself up some of these fashion finds at Talbot’s over the weekend. Whew. I feel a part of the club now.

Or not.

But kind of like mommy jeans, I’ve always feared mommy hair. Don’t ever let me do this:

Or this:

But, well, at this point, the bonnet is looking like a good idea. It has been windy, I’m not a fan of the sun, and it will distract Jojo from yanking my hair. Where does one purchase a bonnet these days? Last I knew, Olsen’s Mercantile went belly up. Damn.

So, I guess I’ll have to really decide on a haircut before Wednesday. I keep threatening my husband with a short cut, but then he whines and begs me not to. The funny thing is when we met and started dating, I had short hair. Which I remind him all the time. And he acts like he had to overlook the hideousness of it to be with me. Could he have? Is that possible? If so, I have a bunch of friends who owe me an explanation and apologies for letting me slide with bad hair. Like when my hair looked like David Spade’s and no one said anything. Thanks a lot people.

Anyway, I was hoping the incident from last night would get my husband to see how a short cut might be less painful for me, but he claims cutting my hair will not reduce the pain inflicted by our son when he goes Ben Hur on my head:

In the photo (Exhibit A) above, you see Jojo attempting to eat my hair after yanking and pulling it in what can only be described as a reenactment of the chariot scene in Ben Hur. Each of his chubby hands held the reins and he was just going hog frickin wild. He rode my hair hard, and as evidence above, put it away wet. Not very kind. So if it was shorter (and sassy!), he couldn’t get such a nasty grip. Right? Right.

So what do you think of this as an option? I’m no Sienna Miller, mind you, but we do have similarly textured hair and color, I think. And I’ve got those earrings, I swear. They’re great with infants!

Or this sweet cut? I could ask my stylist to trim the longer side to match the shorter/bowl-inspired side. And look! I’d have bangs, too! Neato. So sexy…what’s not to love here?
This, too, is an option, although it looks like a lot of work what with the feathering and all.

If ya’ll have any suggestions, let me know. Otherwise, I’m just getting a trim and giving into my husband’s wishes for long hair…and continuing the painful tug-o-war with Jojo.