-image-Someone out there

October 31, 2006 | Uncategorized

forwarded me an article about being grateful and happy. Something about a group of people who were asked to write down five things they are grateful for once a week, and they turned out to be happier than the control group who didn’t write a list and a group that wrote down five things every day (btw– I think my friend Sweets sent this to me. Thanks Sweets! Grateful am I — see that’s like #1 right there!).

I need some happy. I need to focus on allll the good out there (and in here — I’m pointing at myself, for reference) instead of always seeing the negative.

Therefore, I deem Tuesdays for HollowSquirrel to be: Grateful Squirrel Day.

My first attempt at being all positive and sunshiney goes like this:

Five Things I’m Grateful For:

1. That I found a new good daycare for Jojo. It’s part of a nursing home, so the kids trick-or-treat on the floors from the residents or play outside on a playground that the residents can watch over. The kids come from diverse households, and the caretakers are also diverse. My friend at work has a son there, and their family loves it. Jojo starts next Thursday. Do they realize how lucky they are? Do they know how grateful I am?

2. That the old daycare wasn’t as bad as I liked to make it out to be, although their fax machine STILL doesn’t receive faxes (which is, I digress, essential in fax machine functionality). The day before Jojo’s birthday, the providers baked cupcakes which spelled out “Happy Birthday, Jojo!”, took pictures of him in front of the cupcakes, in front of a cupcake with a candle in it, various other adorable birthday poses AND in front of a birthday present which they purchased with their own money. Far be it from ME, and an ungrateful person would probably point this out, that the toy is a dump truck with a huge plastic mold of garbage. Irony? Not lost on this grateful girl. But I’m grateful for it, because Jojo loves pushing it around and pushing the little dump truck driver so that it chirps “In and Out! In and Out! That’s what dump truck’s all about…with a ?? and a ?? and somethin’ somethin’ somethin’ In and Out and somethin’ somethin’.” Catchy tune, yet I can’t make out some of the words. And that’s fine. I just like it. And am grateful. Next…

3. My husband came home for lunch, as he does every day he can. He wants to spend time with me & Jojo. He’s sad when he can’t come home for lunch. And, when he came home today for lunch, he told me not to rake the leaves (that I had started this morning, with Jojo strapped into the stroller). Mr. Squirrel was actually quite taken aback that I had started this chore on my own, but as I told him, “nothing lights a fire under my lazy ass like getting an estimate for TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS to rake my bloody small yard.” What? For raking? 1/6th of an acre? I’m getting off track, aren’t I? But I’m grateful for my husband! Yay Mr. Squirrel.

4. Tivo. Nuf said. Well, ok, I’ll say more. The shows Heroes, Grey’s Anatomy, Studio 60 (don’t get me started on the cancellation rumors), Six Feet Under (yes, I realize that show is done), and Top Chef.

5. Friends of the internet variety who leave kind and supportive comments, send thoughtful and funny emails and/or send cash money. Ok, not too many of those last ones, but I have received a gorgeous necklace from one beloved friend that I get compliments on all the time! Seriously, I’m very grateful to have met such fantastic women through this little interworld. Thanks for making my days kinder, funnier and happier. And to those of you I didn’t link to but who give me love, thank you thank you thank you. I will get you another day (and for some of you, that means “get a blog, and then I’ll link to you in eternal linktatude”).

WOW! I’m good at this grateful thing (insert wicked air guitar).

-image-sometimes it’s tooo much

October 29, 2006 | Uncategorized

I love this guy:

With that said, it’s been an exhausting couple of weeks. Working, finding new daycare, dealing with a TODDLER who won’t drink milk from a cup, take a nap and protests diaper and clothing changes. That’s not to mention: housework, yardwork and relationshipwork…all have been neglected for weeks, if not months.

I’m tired and could barely manage Jojo this morning without erupting into a wild, yelling freaked out mom. I need help and don’t know where to turn. I don’t know what it is. Am I missing something or needing something? Or both?

It’s mornings like this that I declare “no more kids! I can’t even handle ONE” after days before, discussing with Mr. Squirrel the timing for a sibling for Jojo.

I don’t know. It didn’t help that I took Jojo for his first haircut only to have him butchered. I swear, the sign said “barber,” and I swear I said “just a LITTLE from the sides and back but keep the length” (and then under my breath “because he’s still my baby and I don’t want a little boy cut…” or maybe I just thought this)… but then, several clippers later, and I’m the mother of a bowl-cutted boy. I didn’t see the bowl, but perhaps while fumbling with the camera, I missed the bowl usage:

Sweet ride, cool cape…what could possibly go wrong?

Something is amiss…

Did you not hear what my mommy said? Why must you disobey????

Well, at least I look cool in the hat…

Ok, he doesn’t look like a bowl-cut victim today, thankfully. And it will grow out, but seriously. What part of “trim the sides and bottom” turns into “grab a bowl and go?”

Sorry I was so depressing. I’m just in a funk. Carry on…

-image-Bye Bye Bottle

October 25, 2006 | Uncategorized

So we took Jojo to his one year appointment on Monday morning. Overall, things were great, although he’s very low in the weight department– the doctor attributes this to his recent bouts with croup and coxsackie, his high level of activity and travel-induced schedule disruptions. But still, she ordered some additional tests on his bloodwork to rule out thyroid issues. I’m sure he’s fine. Right? Yeah tell that to my knotted stomach. Anyway, the nurse that usually takes blood was out, so I have to make a trip back to the hospital lab. Originally, I just thought, “I’ll take him Tuesday or Wednesday,” but then I made this stoooopid decision:

“I’m going to wean him off the bottle this week!”

Oh sweet sally struthers what was I thinking? The pediatrician recommended it first, but truthfully, I read about it, too. One reference book took the phasing-out plan approach, but with all of the different people taking care of Jojo, I thought that would be tough to implement.

My pediatrician’s approach: only provide milk in a sippy cup at meal and snack time. Otherwise, no more bottles. If he does want a bottle (before nap or bedtime), only use water. She said it sounds mean, but he’ll figure out that he gets milk from a cup and the bottle provides nothing nutritious anymore. She also said the whole process should take about a day or two.

Well, it’s been a day and oh dear heaven and stars, if he spends the entire day whining like he did yesterday, I may not have any hair left on my head. He loathes the sippy cup now. He knows that it’s not water and just turns his head away in disgust from the delicious whole milk (which hello? is too expensive to be pouring down the drain, so I’m deducting this from his future allowances).

Has anyone else done this? Successfully? Without massive guilt trips?

Another factor which I hadn’t thought of prior to implementing this strategy was that I would no longer be snuggling Jojo in my arms before bed and naps, kissing his soft head and wispy hair while he drank from the bottle. Wow. This totally sucks. I miss this already and am wondering… are our snuggling days over? Will he want to lie in my arms and listen to me read if I’m not providing a bottle, too? I’m really not ready for this, but I’m already a day into it, and if I turn back now, I think getting rid of the bottle will be more confusing and difficult.

So I’m going forward. I’m snuggling him every chance I get (I do this anyways!) and intend to read one more story instead of the bottle at naptimes. And I’ll stop whining myself. This may take a few days…

-image-THANK YOU

October 23, 2006 | Uncategorized

Thanks for all the sweet birthday greetings for young Jojo. In an effort to reduce the need to write witty comments, I’m just presenting you with pics* from the weekend. My muddled brain and green-phlegm-encrusted throat apologize for this laziness. Seriously, the phlegm has skin. But onto cuter things:

Wow, this kind of reminds me of something that happened last year at this time…

Yes, we ARE planning on cutting our son’s hair very soon. And yes, I realize I need to moisturize my lips.

Putting Jojo to work the morning of his birthday.

Despite my mom’s constant reminders about latex allergies and choking hazards, I caved under Party City pressure and brought home some balloons. Rest assured, Jojo never touched the balloons– he just gazed longingly at them.

Cake delicious cake

Must. Get. Back. To. Toys (although it may appear he did not consume too much cake, it was enough to launch him into his first Sugar High)

*YES, I realize the picture quality lacks big time. We are completely frustrated and kicking ourselves for purchasing the Canon PowerShot SD700 IS Digital Elph to replace the battered Canon something or other from 3 years ago. This “new” camera, as you can see from all of the indoor shots, produces suck-ass pictures (that’s a technical term. Look it up.). I’m not sure what to do, since it’s been a couple of months since we purchased it at Best Buy. Any suggestions??

I don’t know what’s worse– this hat or mommy’s craptastic Canon digital camera?!

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Edited to add: is this suppose to look so damned unflattering? So much is wrong with this. Are women really looking for sweaters that add an extra odd-shaped 20 pounds? Or did this model refuse to part with her lap dog, now conveniently hidden under the capelet?

-image-tomorrow

October 20, 2006 | Uncategorized

my baby turns one.

How did that happen?

-image-Can I just say…

October 19, 2006 | Uncategorized

several things that have no connection to one another without any expectation of segues? Thank you. And may I suggest you stick around to the end, where I offer up an embarrassing tale.

First: booooooooooooooooooooo!

Why am I not surprised? I don’t know what to say besides boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, my spreadsheet sucked at predicting the winner because clearly, the judges do not take into account past performance at all. Otherwise, Uli would have won (Michael could not win after that runway show. Sorry. I love the guy, too, but that collection did not work for me.).

I can understand why Jeffrey beat out Michael and Laura, but the overall winner? Mmmmmm, well, fine. I mean, if Uli is THAT understanding and accepting of it, then I should probably just let it go.

But I can’t let this go (check out the “victory video”)… Honey, I know Elmo. You’re no Elmo.

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Second:

What the f bumper sticker of the day:
My horse bucked off your honor student.

Ok? I don’t know what my reaction should be besides “what the f?” Am I missing something?
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Third:

The Dove commercial. Ya’ll have seen it, right? If not, just wait. It’s everywhere. And, I’m not linking to it, sorry. I saw it on The Today Show yesterday and Ellen the day before. Funny thing about that episode of Ellen? A couple of segments after that commercial was shown and discussed, a techie expert showed off some new cool tech items, including a camera that, with the click of a button, “slenderizes” the image so you can shave off some pounds. Hm.

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Fourth:

I just set off the fucking fire alarm at work by setting fire to my fucking hot, nay, LEAN, pocket. And it wasn’t just “oh the alarm went off,” it was ohhhhhh 50 employees plus assorted clients had to make haste to the exits, the police were summoned, as were some maintanence workers and one city fire truck in full out lights & sounds. The fun also included me, realizing approximately 57 seconds into microwave heating, that that smell wasn’t quite right and HOLY SHIT FLAMES ARE CONSUMING MY GLORIOUS HOT POCKET. After yanking open the door and trying to pat down the flames with a paper napkin (gee, that didn’t work? really?), three options came to mind — pull it out onto the carpet and step on it with my shoes, find a fucking fire extinguisher (and leave the flames a-burnin’) OR grab something from the refrigerator next to me. I picked the latter thankfully. I grabbed someone’s big ass bottle of water and doused the flames. Whew. Fire out! I could finally leave the building, under a cloud of smoke and shame.

I went out the backish side door and had to tell 2 colleagues that it wasn’t a drill…it was me. After swearing that I hadn’t left the microwave while scorching a bag of popcorn, I ventured to the front of the building to find our receptionist…who was at lunch. I mumbled that I may have caused all of this, and then after having to explain, yet again, that I did not just walk away from a flaming bag of popcorn (seriously, it did NOT smell like burned popcorn people and who leaves popcorn unattended? Rule breakers, that’s who.), I skulked over to the main door, where the authorities would be entering our smoke-filled building to ensure our safety. Christ. Here, I was met with more curious stares and yes, it was me. And NONONO not popcorn. Can you GUESS what the non-plussed looking state trooper (seriously) said to me when I started talking? “Popcorn?” with an eye roll! Finally, I snapped. “Nope, Hot Pocket!”

After the building was cleared (it took like 15 minutes), I had a LOT of clean-up to do. I realized then that perhaps it wasn’t the pocket itself which combust into deathly flames but the holiday plate it sat on (perhaps with input from the patented Hot Pocket Sleeve of Reflective Material?). Anyway, there was no way in heck I was going to eat the blackened pocket, so after sucking in some nasty flower/ammonia-scented Windex for like 30 minutes (no lie), I finally threw in the towels, rag and sponge and went out for a burrito.

That’s what I get for trying to bring my own lunch.

-image-Anything on tv tonight?

October 18, 2006 | Uncategorized

OK, if you’re not watching PR3 by now, something seriously must be amiss.

I have not been reading the blogging project runway blog in weeks because they had videos of Olympic Fashion Week, and I wanted to be surprised on finale night.

So the big question– will Jeffrey show or not? The editing from last week’s show & previews for the finale make it look like he gets bad news, but Michael’s reaction appears understanding and supportive but not too negative, which makes me think Jeffrey is home free. Of course, we know all four of them “show,” but maybe Jeffrey will not be in the running to win? I don’t know. I’m just guessing. Can you imagine if I’d been following all the gossip online? Then I’d be a wreck. Instead, I’m just consumed with my son’s awful virus, our pigpen of a house, his upcoming birthday party* which will likely be cancelled due to said virus and the daycare debacle of Fall 2006.

But back to Project Runway, because I don’t really want to clean our house or google for daycares…

Here are my thoughts on the collections as seen in last week’s episode…ok BUT FIRST, let me give you a scoring recap on my geeky Excel Spreadsheet of PR3 weekly results…
Michael (13)
Uli (12)
Laura (6)
Jeffrey (3)

With that said, here’s what I think will happen:

Michael — Dude. I heart you. But that collection, from the pieces I saw… not so good. Why do people (like Daniel V. from last season) change direction like this? Stick with what you know. He’s obviously the leader in points and fan favorite, so let’s hope he burns that white shirt with gold spangly pockets before it hits the runway.

Uli — Dudette. Ich liebe dich. But that collection (wait, this sounds familiar). What. Happened. Uli? I know you needed to branch out and not create a collection of flowy print dresses with braided bands & straps, but holy christmas. Not my favorite. And if ya think back to the two past winners– their collections POPPED on the runway– bright, cheery colors. Uli’s collection… rather dull except for the blue flowy dress which looked a lot like one in Jeffrey’s collection.

Laura — Yes. Someone who stuck to their “look.” Even though she’s not using too many daring colors, her collection looks cohesive (ok, maybe Tim used this exact word–sorry!) and bold. Tim (again) is right that it may appear too ‘old’ for the fashion week crowd, but damn, it still looked good.

Jeffrey — Here’s my big question to Jeffrey: are you planning to have more kids? If so, where are you and your wife going to tattoo their names? Your son’s name fully occupies your throat and your wife’s chest. May I helpfully suggest your forehead and the side of your wife’s skull, under the mohawk? Oh yes, his collection. NOT that I’ve seen a lot of it, but damn does it have pop and an “it” factor (shit!!). Considering he’s lowest in my rankings (which, again, is based on show results, not on personality), that makes him a serious (ugly…get it? Laura? Serious Ugly?) dark horse. AND then there’s the whole “maybe he cheated” angle, which would kick him to the curb, leaving the two stars (Uli and Michael) with Laura who appears to have the most stunning collection.

It’s a toss up. All I know is that I’m going to be in bed. With my new big ass tv blazing. Yes, you read that correctly all of you who know the tv in the bedroom issue (as in My Husband Dropped My TV When I Was Pregnant Then Wouldn’t Get Me A New One Because He Said We Didn’t Need a TV In The Bedroom probably because he knew I would spend the last 3 months of my pregnancy lying in bed watching tv…sorry I couldn’t keep capitalizing. I think I pulled a ring finger.). Our new tv, however, is ridiculously large yet light and flat, so my husband managed to get it up to the 2nd floor without incident.


*Yes, Jojo turns ONE on Saturday. I know. I know. I know!!
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And yes! You should watch Top Chef after Project Runway. Didja see it last season? Even if you’re not a foodie, the challenges and interesting food combinations which result will amaze you. Not to mention– crazy reality folks bring their own knives!

-image-Mahalo

October 17, 2006 | Jojo, vacation

for your patience. May I (finally) present to you, Hawaii– not the suckhole* they bill it to be:

Looks peaceful. The water– not so peaceful. That bitch smacked me UP. And down. Several times. And threw rocks at me, creating a tiny YET painful cut on my foot. Sympathy cards can be addressed to HollowSquirrel, Nutville, NY 12345.

I know, not an attractive picture of my fivehead, but look at the Jo, peeps! He’s swimming in his wicked awesome swimshirt that Grandma purchased for him and oh lord I wish we would have had that the first day he went swimming (bought the morning of the 2nd day after he suffered a mild sunburn).

Jojo, contemplating his family’s decision to reside in Upstate New York (and no, not anywhere NEAR Buffalo, so I have nothing to complain about really) instead of Hawaii. Or maybe he’s just trying to reconcile his dad’s decision to fold up the edge of his hat to display the ‘jaunty’ plaid which mom tries to hide.

Tell me this isn’t the best thing to look down and see at the beach? Mucho better than washed up medical waste or jellyfish:

Perhaps this seemingly benign orange work cone emits a high pitch frequency only Jojo could hear, because he would NOT step away from the cone. It beckoned him. Morning. Noon. Night.

Come to me, oh little munchkin of yumminess…

Baby + Lemon = Good times.

But did you know this equation: Baby + Lime = Weird rash? No? That’s why it’s best to travel with a pediatric nurse practioner, otherwise known as my mom. At the next day’s meal, my father presented Jojo with a lime only to have it whisked away at ninjalike speed by my mother. She then schooled us in some condition that presents after kids have been in the sun & eat/play with limes. Seriously. She’s not kidding.

What? You didn’t know Jojo had a twin?

Poolside JoJo:

Jojo loves him some sand. I would post pics of his first foray into the Pacific, but I was too busy lunging at him to stop eating the salty sand/salt water muck combo that I dropped the camera.

Obviously, this was before he hit the water and became a bedraggled sandmuncher.

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*things that truly are suckholes include, but are not limited to: our daycare, coxsackie, and yep, that’s about it.

-image-From Croup to Coxsackie

October 16, 2006 | Uncategorized

Come ON, daycare. Why must you suck so damn much?

If it’s not

• the defective fax machine you swear is working,
• the green snotty nose which plagues my beautiful boy,
• the fact that you cannot for the love of everything holy give Jojo a piece of damned white toast (because yes, I’m giving UP on my complaints that you will not. can not. refuse to. purchase wheat bread) instead of just shoveling in pureed baby food,
• that you still haven’t figured out that he TAKE TWO 1.5 to 2 hour naps every. single. day he is at home with ME (even though I’ve told you this repeatedly),
• that you won’t let the kids play outside on damp or muddy days because ONE of the six mothers does not like her son to have muddy clothes,
• that everyone in your home drives a Saturn (that’s five Saturns, people. Five.) ALL with the same easy-listening radio station static window sticker,
• that you KICKED my son out because he’s part-time and the insurance liability is too high,

then I must be particularly cranky today because:
I have to pay you for 2 days this week and who knows how many days next week that Jojo will NOT be attending your daycare BECAUSE HE CONTRACTED the highly contagious COXSACKIE from one of the other chitlins who is allowed to stay around your stinkin’ daycare.

BAH. HATE YOU. BIG TIME.

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Things I don’t hate? This auto-reply message from one of my friends, who shall remain nameless (and, hopefully, itchfree very very soon):

This is an automated reply. I am currently away from my
desk purchasing a cream that I will apply to my ()#*$#)* which has been itching
a lot lately. I will return after I have washed my hands, been prone for 2
hours with an antihistamine in me, and taken a friggin’ nap.

-image-Obscene

October 14, 2006 | Uncategorized

Should I be oh-fended that Mr. Squirrel’s aunt, who we stayed with in Amsterdam, gave me this postcard during our visit? She also gave me several others from her impressive collection of free weird postcards, but still. Can I even send that? Too bad I don’t know anyone who collects postcards…

This would be appropriate for the company I’m starting. I wonder if she can find more of these…