-image-6 Weird Things about Mrs. Squirrel

November 30, 2006 | Uncategorized

I was tagged by Velocibadgergirl at Pardon the Egg Salad. Thank you, m’dear.

And I feel like I’ve done this before, but I can’t find it in my archives…so if this is a repeat, at least I included a picture of Jojo at the end of it…

Without further ado… 6 Wierd Things About Moi:

1. In middle school, hidden on the top shelf of my bedroom closet was my Duran Duran Dream Diary. Oh yes. Jealous? It was a spiral notebook dedicated to detailing any and all nocturnal stories featuring members of my favorite band. Sigh. I still remember this one beautiful dream involving the tour bus after one of their shows (which I’ve never been to) and John Taylor. That’s all I’m saying.

2. I was and still am tormented by horror movies, including commercials for horror movies. When my parents left my brother and I home alone, he would always watch horror movies — in the dark. So I either had to close myself off in my room and be alone…at night… and hear the bloodcurdling screams or sit on the couch, behind a pillow, in the company of my brother.

Stupidly, I chose to sit and watch instead of say, crank Seven and the Ragged Tiger. Actually, it was more of crouching, listening and watching through my fingers/from behind the pillow. I’ve “seen” The Shining several times, but I still don’t know what those freaky twins look like because I know well enough not to look at them. For years it took me several panicky minutes to walk the 10 feet down the hallway to the kitchen because I feared Jack Nicholson burying a hatchet in my head. Horror movies I’ve seen voluntarily in the theater include Pet Sematary and The Blair Witch Project. I’m pretty sure my friends who went with me on those 2 unsuccessful ventures will concur that I’m not fun to sit next to. I screamed. I shook. I was basically rolled up into the fetal position, covering my face.

3. I’ve never been pulled over or received a speeding ticket. And yet, my husband still claims to be the better driver. Hmmm.

4. I used to highlight the TV Guide over my summer vacations to plan my tv addiction. And that was in the 80s, before my family had cable. So I’m not sure why I needed to highlight…like I didn’t remember that TPIR is on every single day at 11:00 on CBS? I read the TV Guide cover to cover, finishing the crossword puzzles and even reading the Soap Opera summaries of the shows I didn’t even watch. One day, I remember telling my mom that I was going to start a TV Guide Cover Collection, since I didn’t have a “collection,” like most of my friends. Without hesitation, she told me that was the stupidest idea she’d ever heard. Mr. Costanza didn’t think it was STUPID. SO THERE.

5. My nickname in college was GoatGirl. I can do a fierce goat bleat. With hoofed hand movements. But I look kinda freaky, so I usually turn away when I bleat. I must retain some dignity.

6. I have an artificial eye. No, it’s not glass. This isn’t the 1800s. It’s made from plastic. And no, I can’t see out of it. Yes, I have to take it out to clean it (once a month or so). Oh, and it’s because of a dirtball cat. Any other questions?

These six people should have NO trouble finding 6 weird things about themselves to blog about:

1. Poodle at Poodle-roni

2. La Turista

3. Julie at Dribble and Drool

4. WordGirl at Half of the Sky

5. CPAMom at Life and Times of a Working Mom

6. SJ at And All the Jones Men

My mommy is weird, people. Weird. Help.

-image-Look There– to your right!

November 28, 2006 | Uncategorized

A new picture of Jojo for the profile picture. I love that picture. Sigh.

So, how did THIS happen? It’s Tuesday! Again. I haven’t posted in a while– I’m sorry! Our Thanksgiving weekend turned out to be a huge success, with lots of fun family time, beautiful weather and tons of laughs with Jojo.

And without further ado…5 things I’m grateful for today:

1. The great relationships I have with my friends’ families and friends. I know. That sounded weird, but hear me out. I’ve known most of my close friends since college or shortly after (shout out to those in Mpls!). As much as I love these friends, I care about their families and friends, too. I’ve heard the stories, I’ve spent time with their families, and I’ve come to care about them, as they are good people who mean so much to those I love. I send holiday cards to some, I cheer in their good news and I mourn their losses. They mean a lot to me, and I’m grateful that my “friends” allow me to care for them, too. For example, last week, Alison visited us along with her mom and sister. Alison and I became friends in college, and I spent several weekends visiting her mom, sister and dad (who once put buffalo meat in our Sunday pancakes. Why would you do that? That’s not funny. I digress). Anyway, Alison’s mom and sister are wonderful people– people that Mr. Squirrel enjoys spending time with and even Jojo is getting to know, although we don’t see them nearly enough, as they live in different states and/or continents. Anyway, I’m grateful that during their visit to see Alison, they wanted to see where the Squirrels live and catch up on our lives. Laughter, sharing, memories and pizza… a fabulous visit. Thank you.

2. Did I forget to mention that Alison’s sister took a pair of my pants with her? To have them copied & tailored into three new pairs of kick-ass pants by her tailor in Shanghai? For $13 a pair? Helloooo grateful Squirrel! Thanks, Stevo!! And yes, she lives in Shanghai. How cool is THAT?

3. Little Jojo…the perfect lunch guest. My mom flew in today and took us to the Cheesecake Factory (for which I am thankful, naturally). Don’t tell Mr. Squirrel, although he’s probably dining there RIGHT NOW in Boston, so I shouldn’t feel guilty for going without him. But back to Jojo. I’m so utterly grateful, as were our fellow diners, that Jojo ate his peas, carrots, bread, mom’s mushroom soup, grandma’s french fries, the Baby Mum-Mum, and banana without incident.

4. I’m grateful to still have a job after my “supervisor” (it’s still undecided kind of sort of who really supervises me kind of…sort of) asked for help with something, and I happily obliged. Then it magically disappeared. And so when I emailed him with “the file,” I actually attached an older file or something along those lines but anyway, he kindly called to say “this isn’t what I really wanted,” to which I replied, “yeah, and it’s Tuesday. I don’t “do” Tuesdays.” But then I didn’t, of course. No, I said “WHAT? I’m the PERFECT EMPLOYEEEEE WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!” And then we realized he didn’t have “theeee” file. So I had him log out, then log in as me. Sharing passwords and everything. He still couldn’t find it. So then I had him kick out the nice woman I share an office with so he could try again on my (and hers; it’s 1/2 hers, I guess) computer. No go. Where did this FUCKING file go? “CHECK MY INBOX CHECK MY INBOX!” I implored, as I’m a habitual printer/stacker of papers in overflowing inbox. To which I heard on the other end of the line “I think I found it!” Sigh. Relief. Whew. Close call. And I’m still employed (for now).

5. WHICH IS GOOD because being employed means I get a paycheck! To be used on gifts for loved ones at Christmas. And we’ll have even more cash money this year because (I’m grateful to announce that) Mr. Squirrel’s sister suggested we not buy gifts this year! Yay! Yippee! I cannot even tell you how much stress this takes off of me. Sweeeeeeeeet sally mae loans. Not that my sister-in-law presents a gift-buying challenge. Oh no. She’s easier than Sunday morning. But my brother-in-law? Oh mercy. Dreadful to find a gift that interests him. Every year, we get the same bored look after spending hours contemplating the gifts, parking, standing in line, yadda yadda and…yes, not very gratifying. And I won’t even mention the gifts he gives. Or my father-in-law. Why, that reminds me of my very first post…a rather bitter tirade after the holidays. But that’s not for today. I’m just happy to skip a year. Instead, we’re going to meet up in January and celebrate the coming year with a yummy dinner and good conversation… a gift in any family.

-image-Who knew?

November 24, 2006 | Uncategorized

Seriously. Reread it.

What? I thought I was actually going to be getting two different kinds of stuffing, when in reality, one is just the craptacular crumbs that didn’t make it into “cube” form AND they attempted to fake me out with a word jumble!! One bag contains the dust & leftovers from cubing toast! AND if that doesn’t boggle your mind, I checked their website, and they actually offer a CUBED Herb Seasoned variety. SO, my raggedy bag of Herb Seasoned crumblets are really just the crumblets from the CUBED Herb Seasoned variety AND the “just renamed but HELLO same exact fucking stuffing” Cubed Country Style. What the f, people?

The turkey, by the by,

was DELICIOUS thank you VERY MUCH Lizzy– who shared her ancient Brooklyn turkey secrets with me and sent me a link (which I followed to the t-spoon because you know how I am about rules/recipes/MUST FOLLOW AND BE PERFECT.) Anyway, it was moist! Delicious! A hit! It was better than Cats!

But back to formulas and food and WHY… why, dear friends, did my sister-in-law bring twenty-five dessert items to a dinner for 6 adults and one adorable bubby who doesn’t eat desserts? I kid you not. She and my brother-in-law stopped at an italian bakery on the way and purchased over 2 dozen BIG ASS napoleons, tiramusessses (plural? help me?), and cannolis. And they were huge. Each and every last of the 25. For six adults.

Other exciting developments in the “Fun with Family” realm:

My other sister-in-law and I got in an argument about whether or not Shirley Temple ever played Little Orphan Annie. DUH no. She didn’t believe me, though, even after I pointed her to several entertainment websites. And broke out into “Dumb Dog” and quite possibly “Maybe.” At the dinner table. Because I’m wicked talented. And somehow I thought if she knew I knew the words (by heart!), then she would quit insisting the (obviously) impossible.

But then, shortly after this victory, I succumbed to something I can only describe as a case of Severe Idiocy when I completely and confidently and royally misspelled the word “pointsettia” in a competitive game of Cranium. I mean, I REALLY BLEW IT.

And it’s not like I had to spell it backwards. No, just spell the damn word. This will be forever embarrassing, but I will now let you in on how exactly I spelled it: p-o-i-n-t-e-s-s-a.

Pointessa.

?

I would blame the turkey, but it was organic. And we hadn’t eaten yet.

That’s it! Low blood sugar.

-image-It’s Tuesday; therefore,

November 21, 2006 | Uncategorized

I am grateful for these five things. No more. No fewer. I know. “Less” sounds better, but…

1. I am exceedingly grateful that my niece’s evil bacterial infection is clearing up. Whew. Let’s hope it leaves for good and never returns.

2. I am grateful for my husband (yet again) for supporting my work and hobbies. He listens to my problems and offers great advice. Too bad it comes too late sometimes, like “why don’t you make it ‘Thankful Thursdays’ instead of ‘Grateful Tuesdays?’” Sonova!

3. I am grateful that the neighborhood kids love Jojo so much (how much? THIS MUCH!!) that when I beg their mothers to watch Jojo for an afternoon, they must say yes or face the pouting and protests of their young.

4. I am grateful that I”m not afflicted with the same stomach bug-aroo that Mr. Squirrel has. Poor Mr. Squirrel! A day on the can… shoot. I should really stop mocking and instead knock on wood. And bring him some water. And a can of Lysol.

5. I am soo o o ooo o o grateful that my mom flies into town next week while Mr. Squirrel is at yet another conference. Grandma Squirrel is the ultimate house guest — she even cleans her room, washes her sheets, remakes the bed & cleans the bathroom before she leaves. Ridiculous! That cleanliness gene definitely skipped a generation.

Ok fine. It’s the week of Thanksgiving… so let me just say:

I am grateful to my friends for all of their kind well-wishes for my niece, K, and for helping me out with ideas for Thanksgiving. THANK YOU. I should probably get a turkey today, right? I hope it fits in the bottom of the stroller.

-image-Released

November 20, 2006 | Uncategorized

My sweet little niece K has been released from the hospital and is now battling the evil, stubborn bacterial infection from the comforts of her own home. Thank you for your kind thoughts & well-wishes. I’ll let you know if anything changes, but apparently, big stuffed pink elephants help in distracting children from IV removal.

=====

And now onto the trials and tribulations of holiday shopping. I’m done. No, I don’t mean that I’ve purchased all my gifts. I’m just done with going out to shopping areas. After a crowded and rude trip to Target this weekend, Mr. Squirrel and I decided to conduct all future holiday shopping online. Here’s what happened…you tell me what I should have done (that wouldn’t have landed us in jail):

We have ONE item but the express lane was long, so we walked up to a regular lane. It was one of the checkout lanes that are behind the front check out lanes… you know what I’m saying, right? Good. So, as I’m about to put my multi-pack of batteries on the belt, this woman carrying like 8 items scurries to the head of the line from the front check out lane (in front of me) and plops down her load while saying to me and indicating to the woman in her former line “she’s opening up a line of credit!” all annoyed and stuff… and I muttered “yeah, and I was next in line with ONE item.” So she just went in front of me. She and her dirtball husband must have heard me, because then they avoided my evil eye for the remainder of their time in line. Mr. Squirrel was livid, but he, too, didn’t know what to do because he was stunned into in-action due to their rudeness.

=====

Upon pulling into a parking space at a playground this past weekend, Mr. Squirrel nodded towards a dad carrying his child back to his car and said “too bad that guy is leaving.”

me: “Why?”

Mr. Squirrel: “Because now I’m the guy with the worst hair at the playground.”

-image-Jojo’s cousin

November 19, 2006 | Uncategorized

K, who is only 3 months older than Jojo himself, has been isolated in the hospital since Saturday with some drug-resistant bacterial infection. Please send positive, healing thoughts her way. I think she’ll be fine, but my mother would not assure me that everything would be ok– a sign to me that maybe this is more serious than it sounds.

Just say some positive thoughts, if you can. Thank you.

-image-That’s because it IS pop.

Uncategorized

-image-An Apology

November 16, 2006 | Uncategorized

for my post on Tuesday. This list deserved more attention, especially the first item about my friend Alison. She’s worthy of far more posting space, time and expressions of gratitude than I gave her because I was tired, sick, and feeling pressure from Mr. Squirrel to watch something on Tivo with him. I’m sorry.

And honestly, I don’t have the stamina today to expand on that today. I’ve been sick the past 2 days and am at work now, trying not to vomit from my migraine, putting out fires (no, not the HotPocket kind), and attempting to not pass out from the warm weather + antiquated heating system + small opened windows which in turn cranks the heat = jungle-like office atmosphere. It’s moist! It’s sweltering! And I’m about ready to pass the f out.

Oh and on the way to work, I saw some jackelopes camped outside the Circuit City waiting for Friday’s release of the PS3, and I thought “what would make me camp outside a stripmall for 3+ days, forcing me to fake-window-shop-the-bagels at Panera in order to use their bathroom?” MAYBE the next Harry Potter book, but only if there were a limited supply. It was a stretch. I couldn’t think of anything. What about you?

-image-Better late than

November 14, 2006 | Uncategorized

ungrateful. It’s Grateful Tuesdays again! I’ve never held this long onto an idea before. I’m really stunning myself here with all this gratitude and consistency. Whoooo. Here goes five things I’m grateful for– now with photos!

1. My good friend Alison. It’s her birthday today! Yay! Happy birthday!! I love and miss you. Jojo does, too! Jojo loves Alison! Thanks for being such a fantastic friend & coming to see us next Tuesday! We’re already waiting at the window.

2. I’m grateful that you’re not going to judge me for the ornament I crafted on Sunday nor the poor photo quality of the craft NOR the fact that on the back of the ornament, you can tell that I almost spelled “Christmas” wrong, hence the line between the “h” and the “r.” Duh. It’s the pressure. I cannot handle the crafting pressure (but Jojo looks sweeeeet, eh?):

The back:

Yes, that is suppose to be a snowflake.

3. I’m grateful for the mother’s group I joined. I rarely go to events, but the few mothers that I’ve talked with at the events are very supportive. One called to invite me to be her gym buddy, as we both belong to the gym at our husband’s work yet do not go. So we’re going. It’s ON people! This Saturday. 8 am. Now someone please find my sports bra.

4. I’m grateful that my husband cleaned this up before I got home last week, because that is some serious devastation:

5. I’m grateful that I have an appointment tomorrow to get on some anti-depressant medication.

-image-Forgot to mention…

November 12, 2006 | Uncategorized

Jojo started the new daycare last Thursday. So naturally, on Friday, guess who had a fever? It’s finally gone (crossing fingers), but seriously?! One day? COME ON!!!!

BAH!

Overall, he rocked his first day. The teacher’s note said “Jojo had an AWESOME first day!” Yes. It did. Apparently, he ate without incident, played well with others and “put himself to bed” for a 2-1/2 hour nap. I’m not sure what “put himself to bed” means when the youngin’ needs to get into a crib. Did he find a ladder, climb in, read himself a story and tuck himself in? Your guess is as good as mine. Lately, though, if Jojo looks or is acting tired, or it’s getting near his bedtime, we just say “Is it time for bed? Jojo ready for bed?” and he walks himself over to the stairs and stands there, waiting for us to open the gate. It’s adorable.

AND…

I’m heading to a girls’ afternoon gathering in a few minutes. It starts at noon…which is a mere 22 minutes away. And I haven’t showered. I thought it was like a 2 o’clockish gathering, so now I’m scrambling to print out pictures because I was also wrong about our activity. Normally, this group gathers to eat and gossip. Last time I made it to an event, we watched Project Runway. And really, how fabulous is that? Even if it was a repeat for me, it was great. And usually at these events, I end up lying like a slug (beached whale, speedbump, loser, whatever) on my friend’s carpet, facedown, just relishing in the lack of plastic toys, whining and nostril invasions (Jojo enjoys shoving his talons up my nostrils as of late).

But today? We’re crafting. With photos. So I’m hurriedly printing photos, which is how I came across this gem at left.

Model: J ojo
Stylist: Mr. Squirrel
Photographer: Mr. Squirrel

9 minutes until the gathering. Still in pjs.

Updated to add: Even though I was 32 minutes late, I was the first one there. No matter how late I am, I’m always the first one to arrive. And, I’m terrible at crafting. Even though my ornament showcased theeee most adorable Jojo photo, it’s still rather crappily constructed. Puuurfect for Grandma, as she won’t care except that Jojo is front & center. I’ll try to photograph it.