Archive for December, 2006
-image-Because I’m a Giver
To the parent who found this website by entering this into a search engine: “my son wants to wear a Speedo,”
I’m from the permissive camp saying “let your child wear what they want to wear.” If they regret it later, say at their high school graduation party when you have blown up a picture of the fashion risk and hang it over the garage, then well, it was their idea. How old is your son? My son, at this point in his life, has no say in what he wears, so I get to dress him however I want (insert maniacal laugh). But when the time comes that Jojo wants to wear only green or hot pink leggings, well, that’s not a battle I choose to fight. Unless it’s bitter cold outside, then I’ll force him into a snowmobile suit with moonboots. Otherwise, dress on, son!
Holiday kisses!
HollowSquirrel
To the person who searched for “are chunky highlights still in??”
(Yes! Two question marks! That should narrow the search results!)
I see that you are based in the United Kingdom. With that said, I hope you understand, should you believe chunky highlights are so last millenium, that I reside in Upstate New York…a far cry from the trendy streets of Notting Hill, Harrod’s and Sienna Miller (is she really the slut people claims she is? Do tell!). Not that you’re necessarily IN London. Who knows, maybe you’re up in Mulletshire or something. I don’t know. For me, it’s not the size of the chunks that make or break a coloring, it’s the color differentiation. The greater the difference in the various shades or colors, the smaller sections there should be. In my opinion. Unless you are going for something extreme. Or skunky. Then chunk away, my good chap(pette?).
Tally ho!
HollowSquirrel
To the person who happened upon HollowSquirrel via this interesting search statement: “he dumped in his pants”:
Uh, excuse me? Who dumped? Dumped what? And what kind of pants exactly? More information is needed to provide a useful answer to you, dear intrepid internet researcher. I just hope you weren’t searching for photos. But this all reminds me of (you know what I’m going to say here, don’t you Poodle?) a photo floating around a couple years back of the weightlifter who blows his o-ring and DAMNDAMNTRIPLEDAMN it’s the most disturbing photo e.v.e.r. So whenever I send Poodle any pictures or attachments, she’s all “it had BETTER not be that picture of that guy’s colon blowing out.” Now, now, would I ever do something like that? Alas, I no longer have that photo. Or, for humorous purposes, the video of Mr. Squirrel “dancing” intoxicated (to his ‘own’ music) in a Tokyo nightclub. Nertz!
Anyway, I digress. To you, curious friend, I apologize for most certainly not answering your question twice now!
Warmest personal regards,
HollowSquirrel
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
6:16 pm |
-image-Grateful am I
I’m sick. Blllaaahhhh. I need my mommy. Ironically, my ingrate mom won’t drop everything and fly in to take care of me. That makes my remaining Christmas shopping much, much easier, however.
Sorry. Fog of illness. Let me shake it off. Ok, I’m still grateful:
1. that it hasn’t snowed here yet. As much as I love a light dusting blanketing our tree-lined street, that picturesque scene rarely lasts long. And I’m not up for shoveling our driveway, especially when my throat feels like someone has shoved a battery-acid dipped SOS pad down it.
2. this new flavor of Cold Eeze (Tropical Fruit) that doesn’t make me additionally sick. Although my tongue feels furry.
3. that Jojo and Mr. Squirrel still love me even though I’m red-nosed, not so showered, germ-infected, fuzzy tongued, and just blah. (edited to add: oh yes, I forgot that when I awoke at 2:30 am, I noticed Mr. Squirrel had abandoned me for the silent comfort of the guest bedroom. I SNORE when I’m stuffed up.)
4. that Tivo allows me to fast forward through that disturbing BMW commercial where the obnoxious little boy SCREAMS and goes ape over some Christmas toy. Seriously. Spaz down.
5. that Jojo enjoys wearing this full zip-n-go fleece bodysuit (free from awesome neighbor):
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:16 am |
-image-I laughed. I cried…
from laughing. It was better than Cats (but really, that’s not too difficult to surpass). And much better than the cat & (Christmas) tree allergies which reigned something fierce on my nose.
Mercy, did YOU miss a performance last night. Ok. I just laughed outloud from the memories. Spontaneous laughter may have happened a few times last night during the show as well. During the first dance pass, in fact. WELL what was I suppose to do when LilSis and Joseph ran into each other, causing one to fall.
No worries. By some holiday miracle, (and seriously, I might have taken Joseph in to check for internal injuries) no one cried or died during the show. In large part, the miracle was due to the queen sized mattress that served as the “stage.” Of course, the mattress also caused several of the trips and bad bounces which propelled the dancers into the couch or into each other…resulting in dancer pile-ups and one very loud, extremely painful looking two-footed kick to the back. Alas, the show did go on.
Members from six neighborhood families jammed the seats in the basement. Snowflakes and Christmas lights decorated the set. Selections from The Nutcracker filled our ears. We were presented with four dance numbers which, as promised in the invitation, included ballet and tumbling. The Tae Kwon Do wasn’t as prevalent, but perhaps that kick in the back and other (seemingly unintentional) (damn painful looking) kicks were planned. I’m no choreographer. I’m not going to pretend to understand the hours of creative thinking that went into the making of this production.
Unfortunately, we did not videotape said production, but LilSis’ dad did. His commentary should generate some laughs, too — what with the “OH THAT had to hurt”s and audible sucked in breaths from the kicks, awkward landings and blunt force traumas to poor Joseph. Mama Squirrel did photograph the show (with permission from the performers) but with film-loaded camera (don’t even GET me started on our digital camera. It’s dead to me. DEAD. Like mice in a heating vent.)
Our fair Jojo found the performance to be most exciting– standing the entire time on Mr. Squirrel’s lap, clapping and exclaiming with great delight at the dancers. After the performance, the dancers hugged and kissed Jojo and even let him jump around with them on the stage. Or so I heard. I was upstairs sucking on my asthma inhaler and sucking down Christmas cookies. Cuz I’m that good of a mommy.
=====
note to self: do not wear a pink raspberry melange turtleneck sweater on days when your nose itches, eyes are red and you may be getting a cold. Cuz it just enhances the redness. Not attractive.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
8:52 am |
-image-Invitation Only
Now, now, don’t get your undies in a bunch…if you even wear them, as they seem to be optional these days.
But we, the Squirrel family, have been invited to a special, invitation-only event this evening. With great modesty, the invitation describes the spectacular event as a “show.”
What kind of show, you query (with a little edge to your voice…do I detect jealousy?)?
“a mixture of ballet, Tae Kwon Do and tumbling, to the music of the Nutcracker.”
What? How? Why? Oh yes. That’s definitely jealousy I hear.
Two of our neighborhood chitlins have choreographed this special event: LilSis (who LOVES Jojo and says “PEEKABOO” to him like a THOUSAND TIMES at like the speed of sound or light or whatever is faster whenever she sees him) and Joseph* (he moved in this summer– his mom is the awesome woman who asks (a.s.k.s./requests/suggests/must be loony) that I drop Jojo off for a couple of hours once a week so I can get stuff done for myself. Wha? Yeah. )
But anyway, back to the MAIN EVENT (ya know, that one you weren’t invited to). Ballet. Tae Kwon Do. Tumbling. Music. Hand delivered, personalized invitations. There may even be some snacks. What MORE could one hope for?
Our household is aflutter with anticipation. Honestly, I don’t know what to wear. And do you think I can videotape the performance? Clearly, this is going to be good.
*Joseph, not his real name, is 5 years old. He’s very quiet compared to the other kids in the neighborhood. The first time I heard Joseph speak was in our front yard this summer. All of the neighbors were out (ok, not all of them. The social ones. Who have kids. And aren’t addicted to QVC. Or “Murder, She Wrote.”), and since Jojo plopped down on the grass, the kids ran over to play with him. And by play I do mean repeat “PEEKABOO” a bazillion times at warped speed. I have a picture. It’s uber-adorable. Anyhooo… my friend Mary was just leaving our house, and one of the kids, LilSis, I believe, asked who she was. I said, “that’s my friend, Mary.” A few seconds later, as the kids are jumping around and being REALLY LOUD, I noticed Joseph rhythmically pointing up at the sky while sort-of screaming (because, really, he’s quite quiet) “JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH! JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH!” It was awwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeesome.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:58 am |
-image-Memo
Selected text from memo sent by Jojo’s daycare:
RE: Odor in heating unit
When maintenance opened the unit there were dead mice in the unit that caused the odor to come through the vents when the unit was turned on.
Yeah, that’s the plural of mouse. Mice. Multiple, rotting, stanky mice.
Thankfully, the room where Jojo plays was not in the pathway of the decay-scented air. But still. I shudder.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:26 am |
-image-Jojo’s Holiday Card List Extravaganzaaaaah
My Jojo is just getting started with his holiday card list. With all of his new skills, such as dancing (round and round in a circle until he becomes unstable and stumbles), pointing, undecorating the Christmas tree and trying to eat through the skin on banana peels, holiday cards fell to the wayside. Understandable.
Should you desire a holiday card from Jojo, please email me at hollowsquirrel at gmail dot com with your address, and I will add you to his list. Jojo promises not to share this information with anyone else. Or sign you up for a two year subscription to TigerBeat! Grrrrr!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
12:04 pm |
-image-Sweet Sally Struthers!
People! You got all UP in my coworker’s face with those comments! Smack DOWN, my sistahs! I loved it. But really, honestly, he’s awesome, and one of the main reasons I’m excited to come to work.
But not for that reason.
No, no, emphatic no! He’s supportive, encouraging, intelligent, thoughtful, kind and extremely silly (sometimes). After a very rough week with some family issues, I think the guy just needed to have some fun. At my expense. And I’m ok with that because he has been a terrific friend to me.
So, while I thank you for taking my side, giving me excellent retaliatory suggestions (dear Desiree, we are cut from the same evil cloth) and getting all BITCHSLAP on him in my defense, I must stick up for him and say “ooops, I guess you didn’t catch my ‘isn’t this hilarious?’ tone…” MY bad.
And because I’m two days late and several dollars short (could that be because I spent those on a vanilla latte, cinnamon crunch bagel and some deliciously smooth hazelnut cream cheese this morning? Perhaps?)…
Grateful Tuesday… now appearing for a limited time on Thursdays– which I could then transition to Thankful Thursdays, but oh no, the stationery has already been ordered and the Cessna’s all gassed up to fly the “Grateful Tuesdays, brought to you by Hollow Squirrel!” banner. Son of a…
Five things I’m grateful for:
1. My awesome-o 4000 office mate! While I was out, she brought in her boyfriend and they rearranged our desk so that I now face the door instead of having my back to it! No more hurriedly closing internet windows when I hear someone padding near! No more sneak attacks from Dirk! It’s like Christmas came early!
2. The 9:00 morning meeting on Thursdays. Most everyone on the floor sits in a meeting for an hour…except me. I can, instead, sit somewhere else, worry-free that another coworker will not have to enter the bathroom after me. Too much info? Sorry. I know everyone poops, but still. Did you also know everyone does this? Sweet baby Jesus, is that really necessary?
3. I’m grateful I haven’t (yet) ripped a hole in my long ass sweater by bending over, stepping on the back and then tearing a new one through it upon standing. I’m also grateful that I haven’t (yet) fallen backwards upon my arse in the process. And (please note the Triple Play), I haven’t sworn either! Piping Hot Cakes!
4. But then… I kind of totally swore when I realized that I’d left my travel coffee mug on top of the Corolla. But at least I didn’t lose the sweet, delicious coffee made with love by Mr. Squirrel! I’m grateful for that! And Jojo probably didn’t hear said obscenity what with the music playing and the cute hat covering his ears. Right? Good Jojo.
5. Ok, now I’m going to get serious. Today marks the second anniversary of my mother-in-law’s death. I’m grateful for knowing her, learning from her, and loving her. I’m grateful for her remarkable job raising Mr. Squirrel to be a most terrific husband and father. I’m grateful that she remains a part of our everyday lives in stories, pictures and memories.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
8:18 am |
-image-i’m uber crabby
and don’t have time right now for Grateful Tuesdays, but I will try to scrounge some time tomorrow.
BAH crabby. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:52 pm |
-image-Lock Out
Desperate times call for locking the office door. I had to do it.
My coworker, I’ll refer to him as Dirk, will NOT leave me alone today. So far he has annoyed me by doing the following:
1. attempted to tape my arms down to my body
2. attempted to abduct my Dwight Schrute bobblehead
3. teased and tormented my Dwight Schrute bobblehead
4. repeatedly threw a nasty pillow at me
5. repeatedly threw a car-shaped stressball at me
6. knocked over my computer speaker
7. knocked my mouse off my desk
8. took the phone receiver off the phone
9. tried to break my stapler (it’s a Swingline– good luck with that, butthead!)
10. repeatedly knocked at my office door so I couldn’t get work done
11. snuck up behind me and turned off my office lights
12. knocked a bunch of papers off my desk
13. pushed me over into my office chair when I reached behind the chair to pick up the crap he threw off my desk
14. ran the car-shaped stressball over my hair, thereby messing it up
15. put me in a headlock
16. created general mayhem and prevented me from being Thee Best Employee I Can Be
17. And now he’s messing with my coffee supplies
Seriously people. How can I expect to work in this environment?
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
2:21 pm |
-image-To the person
who found my blog by googling “Laura peed herself,”
I don’t know many people named Laura, and I only know a handful of adults who have peed themselves, none of whom were named Laura. Unless that sad woman at the grocery store last fall who had peed herself was named Laura, but all I really know about her was that she wore unfortunate “mom jeans” and rode shotgun in a Plymouth Duster. I’m sorry my blog was unable to satisfy your search needs.
Mucho love and best wishes on your search,
HollowSquirrel
===
I think I’m suppose to be at the gym right now, meeting my Gym Buddy (a woman from my mom’s group). In fact, I’m pretty certain I promised her I would go and then take her for coffee. I think I may be fired from this position.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:00 am |
