Narcissist, Thy Name is…
January 14, 2007 | Uncategorized
the psycho who married my FIL.
I don’t even know how to explain all that went down yesterday meeting up with the evil that is this woman. I’d already gone against my vow to stop trying. Mr. Squirrel and I sent flowers to their new home at the beginning of the year. We drove over 2 hours to visit and, in our opinion, try again to make this a family.
As my brother-in-law, his wife, Mr. Squirrel, Jojo and I drove into their driveway, she was driving out and barely glanced at us. Because she had to walk the dogs in a nearby park. For an hour and a half… most of it in the pitch dark of a New England winter evening.
Because the back story of this women’s antics in our lives blackens my core, shocks all rational people, and causes mass eruptions of obscenities from my mouth, I will try to contain the retelling of the evening in a series of quotes by the EvilOne herself.
1. (silence). Who said “silence speaks volumes?” Because that was her response when Mr. Squirrel walked into the front hall to greet her when she returned from her 1.5 hour absence (those dogs! They need walkin! And apparently, several glasses of wine.). Mr. Squirrel and I haven’t seen her in 14 months. Oh, and when we were leaving at the end of the night, she looked towards Mr. Squirrel, turned towards their car, and got in. No goodbye either.
2. “A plug? You’ll never be able to learn. You’ll be all mumblemumbleblahblah.” These were her first words to Jojo! Yes. Imagine the warmth and connection I felt for her upon hearing her speak to innocent and lovely Jojo in this condescending and judgmental manner. I mean, she should know, having no children… I think my reaction (in the other room) sounded a lot like “Are you FUCK.ING. kidding me?” at which point my brother-in-law said “tell me when you want to leave.”
Oh it only gets better.
3. “You’ve made me another poem.” Her reaction when my sister-in-law knitted her a scarf. Now, let me prep you by saying that my sister-in-law knits like no other. She’s gifted. It’s what she does when she’s not sleeping. All the time. Every day. The scarves she knitted for Mr. Squirrel’s sister and me this year are incredibly ornate and delicate– beautiful green yarns with beads. I should take a picture because the scarf is exquisite and perfectly made. The scarf she knit for the EvilOne, on the other hand, was straight up knit stitched into the shortest possible scarf one could knit for an adult. Ok, but back to the quote– the EvilOne loves poetry– especially forcing others to listen to her recite poetry or forcing people to bring poetry to recite. I find it pretentious and annoying, as do the rest of us kids. The fact that she likened my SIL’s knitting to a poem caused immediate and uncontrollable eye rolling with accidental uncontrollable neck and back swaying from the sheer ridiculousness and pretentiousness (made that up! suck it!) of it. But the best part came when she then tied the “gorgeous” scarf around her dog’s neck.
4. “Well, I’m european. The language. The people. The food. The culture. Everything.” Reasons why she is more comfortable in europe than in the United States. She and my FIL just returned from a year there. Mr. Squirrel, digging deep to appear interested and make peace (and after being snubbed in his attempt to greet her at the door) asked her how her time was in europe. When she snootily replied “I’m more comfortable there,” he asked why. Her response: “Because I’m more comfortable there.” And like Mrs. Squirrel on a Boston Creme, Mr. Squirrel’s teeth bared from the sides of his tight lips (something I’ve only seen maybe once before) and he tensely inquired again, “but what makes you comfortable?” because, as he claimed later, “she was being evasive and pretentious!” So she said the quote I led with. To which Mr. Squirrel (who seriously, I’ve now seen him actively rude to 2 people ever) said, “but I thought you didn’t know French.” Huffily, EvilOne snorted back, “I was fluent when I was 19! I lived there and my parents had a summer home in (some pretentious village, no doubt).” And then one of us, overcome by the awkwardness, started a fire or something to ease the tension because holy kaaaasmolies, it was tense. And the best part is that we all remember her complaining about having to go to europe (France) because she didn’t know the language. hmmm. And really… you’re from Great Britain, you didn’t make a break for the US for political asylum or to save your poor, starving family. So. Go. Back.
5. “They’re attacking me.” Overheard by my brother-in-law when EvilOne pulled aside my FIL on his way back from the bathroom. Located just around the corner from our table, my FIL’s (annoyed) reactions were visible from my seat and audible from my brother-in-law’s. Why? Why were we being so MALICIOUS? Because on more than one occasion, those of us (heathens) who ordered the flesh of dead animals offered a piece to her… to try! And we weren’t LISTENING or remembering that she’s a vegetarian (“except for fish” — why is that ok? Dillhole.). Maybe, your selfcenteredship, because um…let’s see… the HUGE table and terrible acoustics and fact that NOT EVERYTHING CENTERS AROUND YOU caused us to miss hearing you say “no, I’m a vegetarian” once or twice. What the six of us were actually doing was trying to be inclusive and share with you our delicious meals, since that’s what our family does. Even if it’s the best damn thai bbq filet mignon brouchettes and you’re the most godawful women I’ve ever had the misfortune to have in my life (even more so than Janene! Yes, seriously.), we all tried to include you in this tradition. Had I known you were a vegetarian during the appetizer course, I probably would have offered you a taste of my delicious asparagus soup, but then again, you probably would pull my FIL away from those of us who have seen him a handful of times this year to whine that his daughter-in-law is trying to make your urine stink.
And with that, I must close, because I could go on. You wouldn’t have believed it. At some points during the Ride Home Recap (thankfully Jojo slept through the tirades), one of us wondered aloud if this was just a practical joke? A nightmare? No, it MUST be some bad bad joke.
6. “Why didn’t you call us immediately?” This woman has a pair of steel balls, people. STEEL BALLS. Which must have been to replace her heart and soul. My brother-in-law cracked a rib last week, and because she favorites him (because he plays along with her only because he actively enjoys listening to psychos), she played Concerned Family Member and gushed out this question. Which is RICH, people, rich. Do you know WHY? Because back in July, while she and my FIL were traveling in a not-so-developed country at one of his work conferences, he suffered some massive health problems requiring him to stay in a (not so posh) hospital for 3 days before being emergency flown back to their european home base to another (much better) hospital. In total, my FIL was hospitalized for almost a month– while he’s healed now, doctors at first didn’t know whether he would end up paralyzed or live at all. It was traumatic and scary. I mean, when we found out six days after his initial hospitalization when one of Mr. Squirrel’s aunts noticed that we (ALL of his children) were left off of EvilOne’s “FIL’s health update!” email message to her brother, FIL’s brothers/sisters, HER friends, etc… The aunt forwarded it, innocently, saying “saw you were left off this message– in case you didn’t know the latest!” Uh, we were scared, shocked and stunned. SIX DAYS he’d been in severe pain, close to death or paralysis in a foreign, substandard hospital… without us even knowing. But don’t worry, she called us eventually. Oh wait, that’s right. She didn’t. Well, she DID call her favorite (my BIL) two weeks into it to talk about how difficult this has been for her and to casually mention that they needed $20,000 or my FIL would be kicked out of the hospital the next day… but other than that, no effort to contact us — his children and spouses. None. What if he had died? What then?
If ya can’t tell, I’m still angry. FIL deserves more. My husband, his siblings and the rest of us want him to be happy and cared for. That’s all… and we used to just complain about her but then say, “but you know what? He’s happy. And that’s what’s important.” Well, that doesn’t appear to be the case anymore. And his health? Suffering greatly since her arrival in his life. She’s sucking the life force from him. Can we save him and how? And can you frigging believe it?
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January 14th, 2007 at 10:51 pm, Lizzy Says:
That whole thing makes me wretch.
I know this story so, so well.
But TRULY a stunning display…truly.
FEH.
January 15th, 2007 at 12:10 am, With Hammer And Tong...The LetterShaper Says:
As a poet, and an avid reader, I have to say that I very much enjoyed my leisurely stroll through your blog…it was time well spent; entertaining and enlightening. I invite you to visit my own, should you care to.
January 15th, 2007 at 3:15 am, Jeannette Says:
OMG what a dreadful meeting with an awful woman! I’m so sorry. But don’t keep all the anger in and go yell in the yard or something.
January 15th, 2007 at 6:42 am, Erin Says:
Oh man, the woman sounds awful! I’m sorry for your husband’s family.
On another note, thanks for your comment over at my site! I’ll be stopping by, as I need a few more blogs to feed my daily habit.
January 15th, 2007 at 7:46 am, Amy W Says:
Good grief, really? There is someone out there like that?
January 15th, 2007 at 8:22 am, CPA Mom Says:
Sounds like she signed up for the life insurance. We must get to work immediately on getting her out of the family…must put my mind to this one posthaste…seriously.
January 15th, 2007 at 10:18 am, Nap Queen Says:
EEEWWWWWWWWW, that sounds hideous. What a horrible woman
Can you meet with you FIL only when she’s walking the dogs? 
January 15th, 2007 at 11:42 am, isabel Says:
I don’t even know what to say except…I’m sorry.
I wonder what FIL will do. I mean, do you think he’ll leave her?
January 15th, 2007 at 12:14 pm, audrey Says:
Un. Frigging. Believable.
I’m so sorry you have to put up with that.
January 15th, 2007 at 1:50 pm, La Turista Says:
What a nightmare. That reminds me of my best friend’s ex stepmom who once told me, “Oh my – your hair … looks … sooooo … INteresting.” We finally ran that crazy bitch off, but GAWD, she was nasty. Like giving-unsolicited-workout-DVDs-and-diet-center-memberships-for-Christmas-gifts kind of nasty.
January 15th, 2007 at 4:35 pm, Susan in va Says:
Oh, dear. Oh, my. Wow.
I found #4 to be the most cutting comment of all. It was kind of like she was stabbing you all in the gut, then twisting the knife around just to make her point CRYSTAL CLEAR.
Maybe she should go back there. I hear they have great people. And food. Not to mention the culture. Of course, they also have TACT. She may want to brush up on that before heading back to her mother country.
Sheesh!
January 15th, 2007 at 5:29 pm, Angela Says:
Wow, not that I’m just now realizing it or anything, but I’m so lucky to have great in-laws. So lucky.
January 15th, 2007 at 7:02 pm, barnmouse Says:
Oh no. There’s another one out there. Maybe we should introduce her to my MIL’s new husband and they can run off together. He’s awful. I had a dream about beating him up with a dog bowl in PetsMart. Such a lovely dream.
I’m not sure what you can do other than just plain ol’ stop trying to be nice to her. Maybe then she’ll stay away more often whenever y’all visit. Hee!
January 15th, 2007 at 7:26 pm, velocibadgergirl Says:
“I probably would have offered you a taste of my delicious asparagus soup, but then again, you probably would pull my FIL away from those of us who have seen him a handful of times this year to whine that his daughter-in-law is trying to make your urine stink.”
This asparagus hypothesis is hilarious, but in a really infuriating way. I hope she stays out walking the dogs ALL DAMN NIGHT next time you guys have to suffer through a visit
January 15th, 2007 at 7:36 pm, frannie Says:
watch out! she’ll get you and your little dog, too!
January 15th, 2007 at 9:03 pm, Poodle Says:
I am full of rage! I think I have to go run around the block!
How have you been able to keep a lid on it this long? Seriously. She is BEGGING to be “attacked” so I say you BRING IT.
Oh my God, I’m so sorry for you all. Nobody – most of all you guys – deserves that.
January 16th, 2007 at 11:20 am, Lisa Says:
HOly crap! I think you’re right about not having a soul!
January 16th, 2007 at 11:21 am, Lisa Says:
About HER not having a soul… Sounds like you have a warm loving family who’s really TRIED with her. So sorry to hear this…
January 16th, 2007 at 12:42 pm, Rachel Says:
Ugh! That woman sounds like she is evil!! I don’t know that I would have the patience that you and your family have had with her. Bless you for that.
She sounds like one of those people that thrives on making others feel unimportant and not worthy, but, you reap what you sow is all I can say.
January 16th, 2007 at 12:59 pm, Smitty Sr. Says:
lkdumI am sick to my stomach and shaking reading this. No one should have to endure this. She must be drugging FIL so that he can’t escape. It’s the only rationale.
Karma will catch up with her– be sure of it.
I am so sorry.
January 17th, 2007 at 8:33 am, ewe are here Says:
Hmmm. I clicked on your blog via the BloggerChicks button because ‘Hollow Squirrel’ sounded interesting…. and all I can say is wow! (Oh, and ‘hi there’.
)
What was your FIL thinking when he married this woman? And what is he thinking that he does not ‘rein her in’?
Oh, and the not contacting you and your FIL’s family when he was in hospital? Outrageous and unforgivable.
November 24th, 2007 at 11:23 pm, Hollow Squirrel » Your Holiday Gift Guide Says:
[...] I know just the person for this [...]