Contest: Things You Don’t Want Your 8 Year Old Neighbor Yelling to You In the Middle of Your Street
May 23, 2007 | Uncategorized
Oh, I won. Sorry. Contest closed. The winning phrase?
“I know why you’re cross-eyed!”
Oooooh goody. You do know how I *love* to win things AND have my looks LOUDLY commented about, nay YELLED ABOUT, IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!
Thanks, one, for announcing that I’m cross-eyed. I realize that you’re EIGHT and you’re curious. You’ve gotten to know me. We talk a lot, and you and your brother are much more comfortable hanging out with me and Jojo than ever before. You’ve obviously noticed my not-so-great-at-tracking artificial eye, and you want to know what’s up with that. I hear ya. I just haven’t, in my adult life, had to deal with a child asking about it.
And now that I am a certifiable adult (I got the certificate framed in my home office) and you being all of 8, I should probably not respond the way I did when I was 8 to other kids on the bus. I also shouldn’t respond the way I did the few times that other adults asked me in a rude way what was “wrong with my eye.” I need to be the adult, helping you to learn appropriate social skills. I just don’t know what to say to that, though. I wasn’t prepared.
So I laughed and rode off with my toddler in tow, behind my husband, who didn’t hear what you said. I didn’t tell him either. I was just so embarrassed.
The encounter brought up the insecurities and self-consciousness that I’d gotten over years ago. Now with Jojo, I have to think– will kids make fun of him because his mom has a “glass” eye, is cross-eyed and looks weird? Will he learn funny comebacks and sarcasm the way I did? Will he completely clam up when people catch him off guard with awkward questions or observations?
And it’s making me very uncomfortable. Maybe I should respond the way I did when classmates asked when I was little. Usually, I’d make light of it and just (deep breath) tell the truth. In fifth grade homeroom, I made my eye– the accident, how it was made and how to care for it– the subject of my first in-class speech. My teacher called me “brave” and gave me an A. I just thought I’d answer the questions ahead of time.
Of course, with the phrase yelled by my neighbor, I know he knows the answer of how it happened (cat scratch, infection, going blind, had to be removed) and why I look the way I do (uh, I’m not the bionic woman, here). But I’d still like something prepared for how to discuss with him why I, personally, would rather not have it yelled about in the middle of the street. I want to give him enough information so that his curiousity is exhausted, and we can move onto other conversations. I want to be more than “the cross-eyed neighbor.” I guess I just want to have it all planned out before hand. And that’s not how life goes, now is it?
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May 23rd, 2007 at 1:37 pm, Lizarita Says:
I had no idea that you have a glass eye. No. clue.
But lemme ask you this: If someone (an adult) were to say “I’ve noticed that your eyes are different. Mind if I ask why?” Would that bother you or be offensive to you?
Just wonderin.
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:48 pm, Mrs. Squirrel Says:
Honestly, it would bother me, but I would not be offended. I would answer any questions, so fire away if you have them!
It only bothers me because I hate having it pointed out– that I’m different. That it’s the first thing people notice about me when they meet me. But HELLO, it’s human nature to wonder and seek answers. So, I just have to work through it.
I’m used to explaining it to any and all medical personnel– they all want to know what happen and think it’s so interesting.
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:58 pm, Rachel Says:
Unitl I saw it on your blog, I never knew either. I think you’re beautiful and not cross-eyed! Everyone is different. Everyone has things about them that they hate having pointed out. We are all insecure. Because we are human!
It’s ok to be embarassed. Kids are pros at doing that, not because they are trying to be mean, they just don’t know any better.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm, Hilary Says:
We do all have things about us that we hate. I can hide mine so that’s a plus but I also feel that I could have prevented it as well so that sucks. You couldn’t have prevented yours so you don’t have that guilt but you can’t hide yours so that sucks that you have to deal with it. I’m sorry. For the record I think (and always have since I saw the first picture of you) you are beautiful. I would kill for your cheekbones, among many other features.
I also worry about my kids and how they’ll handle certain things. Maybe you should talk to the little boys mother. Not in a bad way or anything (not that you would) but just so she knows. Putting myself in her shoes, I would want to know if either of my kids did something like that so I can fix it and stop it from happening again. I would want to school them on how some people are different and that it’s okay etc. etc.
And yeah, I wish I could plan things out before hand. But no, that’s not how it goes.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:41 pm, Operation Pink Herring Says:
My friend has a son who is a little older than Jojo, and last week she kindly told him not to pick his nose as they were leaving his daycare. He yelled “why not? You pick YOUR nose, mama!”
Not the same, but still thought I’d share.
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:26 pm, angela Says:
Well this is all news to me. I think you look amazing and would have never in a million years noticed it.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:03 pm, SJ Says:
I had no clue, no clue.
And I think you are beautiful.
I have so many insecurities it’s not even funny. But it’s not what’s on the outside that counts, it’s whats on the inside, and well, I think you are amazing too.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:42 am, CPA Mom and Soccer Mom Angela Says:
I knew about your eye but not how it happened. I think you talked about it in an earlier meme. Hilary is right - my first thought was talk to his mom. And, you are gorgeous, top to bottom.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:58 am, Isabel Says:
Kids are just silly. They don’t know how we are ALL insecure. The sad thing is that he’ll grow up and have his on insecurities. Lukcy, right? (Life sucks!)
I guess if it comes up again with said boy, you can sit him down and explain it to him. (and then point out something that’s wrong with him. That’s how I roll!)
And like the othes above me said, you are HOTT and your glass eye just makes you HOTTER! (Just ask my husband…)
May 24th, 2007 at 11:55 am, thedailystroll Says:
I am sorry that you had a bad day! Ruby has a vascular birthmark on her face that she is now noticing herself since kids in her school and adults (GASP) even point out to she and I. I do my best to educate anyone who asks on what a Hemangioma is and I think that we were given this challenge to make her a stronger person and to be better individuals and accept other’s differences, whatever they may be but no matter what one comment can really suckatize her day.
I think you should mention what happend to his mom. Unfortunately his parents probably have never discussed differences with him and age 8 is too late to not have. It doesn’t mean he won’t be a cruel kid, or that his parents won’t be like “so what?” -but this is a good lesson for him and his parents to be more aware of the proper way to treat people.
I think you are a fox. foxy mcfoxerson.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:38 pm, Heather B. Says:
Ok I sat right across from you. Like directly in front of you with a mere three feet separating us, and I totally didn’t notice.
But I’ll one up you with this: Would you like to know the number of small children who have wondered how/why I am black???
Ummm, now that’s an awkward conversation.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:33 pm, Brittany Says:
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. What a little turd! It’s amazing how kids have no clue that an adult can be hurt by words. They just say what’s on their mind. A little girl in my neighborhood told me that her mom “has a fat ass because she ate all my birthday cupcakes.” I never told the mom about it
Like everyone else, I think you’re beautiful!
May 24th, 2007 at 10:45 pm, No Pasa Nada » Blog Archive » With interest Says:
[…] by this) Posted by nopasanada @ 10:02 […]
May 25th, 2007 at 9:49 am, K Says:
If it were me, I think that I’d send my husband over to tell his mom. Because if I were the mom I would a) be horrified and b) want to know so that I could get in a little lecture on what is and is not okay to say. So it would be nice for her to know, but the awkwardness of the conversation would be too horrible if it were you. . . a husband could do a casual little, hey, lovely flowers you’re planting, and by the way, I know it’s no big deal and she’s adorable, but my wife’s a little sensitive about her [insert non-perfect body part here], so it would be great if you could get your son to refrain from screaming about it in the neighborhood.
I mean, I know you didn’t say anything to Mr. Squirrel at the time, but doesn’t he read your blog? Or is this a silly suggestion? No, he doesn’t read my blog. He says he should know everything that it says. I think he’s more afraid of what he’ll learn.
Also–happened to read this when we were considering adopting a cat–do you like cats or did this turn you against them forever? Just curious. . . .Cats are the devil’s spawn. Besides the BLINDNESS, I’m also deathly allergic. Happy adopting!
May 25th, 2007 at 12:22 pm, La Turista Says:
Well, it’s apples and oranges, but my cross to bear is my freakishly high voice. Which is only made all the more odd by my being 5′10″. With the voice of a 3 year old. Check that - my 3 year old’s voice is lower than mine. Not a week goes by that I don’t answer some unsolicited sales call, only to have the person ask to speak to my mommy. I usually say, “She’s not here. She left me ALONE!” And then I push a bunch of buttons at once and slam the phone down. If I only had a dollar for every time someone asked me, “Come on. Is that your real voice?” I swear when the person in the drive thru asks me to repeat my order, they’re mocking me. And I very nearly forced my college voice teacher into early retirement when, after four years, she finally lost it and YELLED at me, in front of my entire acting class, “Why do you INSIST on talking in that RIDICULOUS pitch?” Now that time, I did run out of the room in tears, but usually I would say some smartass thing like, “Because I want Victoria Jackson’s spot on SNL,” which was actually relevant at the time.
Anywho, I feel you, dude. And as for the kid, I think you should tell his mom, and then tag team him with her, which will make a much bigger impression on BOTH of them. Yeah, kids are kids, but his parents need to be responsible, too, and make sure he understands how hurtful such comments are. Unless they are total douchebags.
May 27th, 2007 at 10:29 am, token Says:
I’m fat, very fat. Kids will point that out—like I don’t know how big my underwear is.
I have to say they’ve never said it in mean way—like they would if I was just another kid playing with them. So they do seem to have a little tact when speaking about such things with adults.
May 27th, 2007 at 4:06 pm, Anne Says:
I don’t think this is about you. And if it is, I suggest that you make it be about him. Obviously you can’t respond if his hollering is in passing, and you are going somewhere, but when you have a one-on-one opportunity with him, you maybe need to ask, “Do you know what you need to do so that this will never happen to you, or, someday, if you have a child, it will never happen to them?” And then you explain how it happened, and how it could have been prevented. And it was not something that could have been prevented, then instead you explain that sometimes in life, accidents happen, and when they do, it’s important to be strong and to deal with the results of the accidents. For example, maybe you have to be especially careful when driving; ask him to put one hand over one eye and see how his peripheral vision is limited.
He’s eight. I bet you anything he’s worried. If this happened to you, what’s to stop it from happening to him? His only emotional defense is information–”I know”–but he doesn’t know how to prevent it/ deal with it. And then tell him that if he sometimes wonders about someone who is different from him, that the polite way to ask is to ask quietly. Don’t tell him he’s rude; explain to him how to be polite. Tell him, “If you were limping, for example, you would probably want me to ask if I could talk to you about it. So if you have other questions, just ask me quietly, and if I am comfortable answering your question, I will.”
And it is also worth pointing out that such accidents are rare, so it is extremely unlikely that it will ever happen to him, but it is one of those things he needs to know about–like wearing his seatbelt, or play with matches, and, when he is a little bigger, never to use drugs. Yes, your message is, the world has dangers, but we can avoid many of them, and when we can’t, we just have to do the best we can.
I would guess that one of his questions is why the artificial eye doesn’t track with the seeing eye. This is your chance to talk about small muscles, and maybe someday, a really good doctor will be able to make this happen for other people. Ask him, wouldn’t that be wonderful? Let him see that there are aspirations out there.
Maybe none of this will sound right to you–if it doesn’t, just delete it! But no previous comments took this viewpoint, and maybe it would be helpful.
Anne
September 10th, 2007 at 10:32 pm, No Pasa Nada » Blog Archive » Simon Says:
[…] I conveyed through panicked breaths while trapped in my bedroom. Stacy, dear gorgeous Stacy, once lost an eye to a fucking cat therefore, I’m going to have to refrain from engaging in any sort of cordial […]
September 14th, 2007 at 6:09 pm, kimblahg Says:
The same thing happened to my husband’s niece. She was a baby and the sitter’s cat scratched her in the eye, it got infected and had to be removed. She is now 14 and continues to have a lot of problems with the eye. We don’t talk to them a lot but I know she has had repeated surgeries in addition to the artificial eye. I don’t know why it still causes problems. I love cats but I will not have a cat with front claws around my kids. BTW I think you handled the situation very well.