Archive for July, 2007
-image-Grateful Tuesday from a wise (meaning: old) blogger
On this day, even though I’m a little “aw crap, I’m old,” I should really be thankful for being alive and surrounded by wonderful people. With that in mind, I’ll serve up a heaping plate o’ gratitude:
1. DUDE, finally. I finished Harry Potter, and I made it to the end with only one wee spoiler (thank you NOT US Weekly, you shit-fer-brains). Although I would have rather slowed down the reading process and enjoyed the journey, I felt compelled to haul ass in case a turd spoiled it for me. I loved it. I’m not in any way happy that it’s over. When you want to talk about it, I’ll be here for you (via email. Don’t you DARE post a spoiler!!!).
2. PlayDoh doesn’t stain. It kind of yucks me out that it collects hair and other dirty bits from our floors (yes, I’ll admit it: I’m a terrible housekeeper. We live in a hovel.), but at least it’s not adding too much to the general mess. When pieces of rogue doh are discovered, they’re conveniently hardened and easy to sweep up. Oh yes, and I’m grateful it’s non-toxic. I just had to add that, because, well, someone’s got a bit o’ yellow on his tooth.
3. I’m grateful to my FIL’s palm pilot for remembering my birthday. Yay technology. I am even MORE grateful to my FIL for sending me a lovely email with birthday wishes. We don’t see him nearly as much as we’d like to, there’s been some issues with the woman he married, and he’s not very open about his feelings (wha? a man not good with expressing feelings? shocking revelations here at hollowsquirrel!!!), so this special email meant a lot to me at this point in our relationship.
4. I’m going to have the largest office in the building for over 3 weeks starting on Thursday. I’m trying to find the bright side to being forced out of my awesome little closed door, many windowed, couch-included office into another ridiculously larger office that instead of holding one person & 4 couches/2 chairs will house 1 part-time employee (me) and THREE graduate students. THREE. GRADUATE. STUDENTS. I was a graduate student. Although, I was a pregnant, older graduate student, but the graduate students last semester? Let’s say, they were still living the undergraduate lifestyle. So, although I’m not being paid to supervise these three students, it’s been suggested that I will nevertheless be one (narc?). Should I go all 21 Jump Street on them and pretend to be a grad student? Hmmm, the Calendar o’ Jojo and wrinkles may give me away. Nertz. As for losing major privacy, the lighting is better and there’s air conditioning. Not to mention the sink, private toilet and shower. You think I kid.
5. I’m grateful so many people have remembered my birthday, even though my husband didn’t this morning. He made up for it by scoring a babysitter for tonight. Lucky break, Mr. Squirrel. I heart all of the bday-related IM status messages (although, if you feel the need to change them mid-day to announce your lunch plans or whatever, please do so. I won’t be offended!), emails, comments, bday inspired posts, presents, strip-o-grams, cold hard cash and ponies. You guys make this old hag feel very special and loved. Or at least tolerated and placated so she doesn’t throw a big ol’ Jojo-esque tantrum, complete with head-banging. Hugs to you all!
=====
Don’t forget to hop the equator and wish Alyndabear the happiest of birthdays! Not to brag, but Alyndabear and I also share our birthday with your favorite wizard, Harry Potter! If you’re new to HollowSquirrel (for instance, you stopped by because you had some random business card stuffed amongst BlogHer swag) and you want to be listed on the Blogger Birthday Bonanza page, let me know in the comments or via email!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
11:46 am |
-image-Tales from the Trip — BlogHer ‘07
Whew. What better way to end a fabulous weekend than to exit out of the airport and see your husband & toddler waiting for you as a surprise? Jojo dropped his beloved green bus and ran into my arms, covering me with kisses. Seriously, it was like the best thing EVER.
So yeah. BlogHer. Jesus. Where do I begin? No really, big guy… what should I start with?
I mean, I already gave you a sneak peekage in the other post. I met a buttload of awesome women, sat in some interesting sessions, sat in some dull/disorganized sessions, stalked many a hors d’oeuvre-carrying peeps, and horded way too much swag.
Let’s address the buttload of awesome women first. Ohhh my ladyblog friends. I miss them. I miss the laughter and the ease with which we became more than just ‘online friends.’ We kind of jumped the BlogHer gun by creating an email group that we posted to weeks beforehand with questions, fears, and regular get-to-know you chats. I kind of knew we’d be fine, and our dinner on Thursday night confirmed that feeling. You can check out all the hott chicks I met on Flickr (under HollowSquirrel) or see some awesome group pictures that Isabel already posted, because HELLO, I heart riding the coattails…and I’m lazy and her picture turned out better.
Or you can just take a gander at this laugh-a-minute, Lizzy:
I can’t go into my admiration and fondness for the women I met because I don’t have enough adjectives to do them justice. They were open, funny and kind. Wow, Stacy, you really reached far with those three. See? I suck. I’ll try three DIFFERENT words for each of the women:
Carrisa: dry (humor), heeeeeelarious, loyal
Frema: adorable, sweet, enthusiastic
Molly: gorgeous, smiley, peaceful (ok, I think this has something to do with her beautifully peaceful smile)
Lizzy fuckinghysterical, brilliant, distracting (don’t sit next to her if you want to pay attention)
Liza: innocent-looking-yet-naughty, open, smart
Lizarita: friendly, sparkly, spirited
Isabel: psycho, stinky, poopoo head.
Ok, I kid. I heart Isabel. I can’t think of only three nice things. Sorry.
And here are some other amazing bloggers I was fortunate enough to meet (and force picture-taking with me):
Midwestern Mommy. She couldn’t have been more lovely. I’m thinking of moving the family to Missouri so I can be her neighbor. That’s normal, right? Good.
Crystal from Boobs, Injuries & Dr. Pepper, who showed up with her equally as funny/charming husband, Chris! I’m SO thrilled to have met her. She’s a peach. Even if she’s not from Georgia:
Jenny from MamaDrama (isn’t she a cutie patootie?). I didn’t have enough time to chat her up and learn how to be cute from her. I’m bummed.
I also met two pretty famous chicas:
If you don’t know who this is, I have no time for you. Go. Away. It’s CHLOE from Project Runway, people. She’s HOTT and incredibly kind. I mean, if you (and if you didn’t, UGH) watched PR2, then you know, she’s a hardworking sweetie pie. She’s also very tolerant of spazzy fans who tell her about their Project Runway spreadsheets. Ahem.
Amy Effin’ Sedaris, who I probably scared with my “oh you’re so cute I wanna take you home in my pocket.” Was she scared, though? Oh no, Amy’s a professional wacko, who, when asked if I’d scared her, flatly said “Oh no, I love pockets.” Fantastic. I had to crop out my ass. If you can believe it, that wasn’t a good angle to catch my ass. (OH and Poodle & Sweets, I bought you each something from Amy’s craft table, cuz you’ll appreciate her unique craftswomanship.)
The sessions themselves were ok. Some were moderated very well and stayed on course, providing interesting conversation or useful tips to improve my blog. What? HollowSquirrel needs improving? I know, I know, but apparently there are widgets and CSS stuff and RSS feeds and “non sucky content” I can look into. Noted. I wish I’d brought my laptop (duh) on Day 2 for the break-out techie session with Slackermama; that would have been handy when I commandeered the session and forced her to FIX MY BLOG because she’s brilliant & has the cutest blog EVER, but alas, I honestly couldn’t muster the strength to tote that bad boy around all day, when I knew the swag would be dragging me down. She lucked out. Little did she know…
The session about crafting blogs, which was packed because Amy Effin’ Sedaris was on the panel, turned out to be excellent because all four panelists were interesting & talented and the moderator kept shit on course. I left that session itching to break out my knitting needles and unpack all my random crafting materials. I MUST suppress that urge until I get my life in order (aka when Jojo goes off to college). But seriously, I have to link to these chicas in the near near future so you, too, can get inspired by some amazingly resourceful women.
So that swag? Seriously. I completely failed the No Swag Left Behind Act and couldn’t pack the weird pleather box with toiletries, the GM/BlogHer saddle bag (no really, what WAS that?), some weird massage toy, a wooden puzzle, the PBS square pad of paper, another two lined journals and several packets of lube. By the end of Saturday, I even turned away 2 free fitted tshirts. I just couldn’t do it. No mas. My shoulders ached. I was weak under the swag. On Sunday morning, I tried to pack it all. I did. You can ask Isabel. I really did. But we left everything out for the cleaning staff to pick through, should they need some stocking stuffers or lube. Actually, Isabel positioned the lube perfectly on the desk blotter hoping the cleaning staff wouldn’t notice it and let the next customers find it. Brilliant.
Just like the weekend.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
8:41 pm |
-image-Deep Thoughts Friday — BlogHer Style
I didn’t even realize it was Friday. Isabel and I forgot to check our alarm, so we were awakened by Lizzy. Thankfully. She apologized a zillion times, but we’re happy she called. Really. I mean, let’s not make 7:20 am phone calls a routine, but it was useful today.
Have you ever stayed at a W? It’s all swankdified. Me likey. It brings me back to my carefree, childless, single days when I lived in the TwinkCities and we spent all our money on alcohol and good restaurants. I’m so out of it. I felt like an old, dirty hag. Check out our room:
Note the wooden shutters leading into the bathroom. Initially, I was all for the shutters. Then I had to take a shit and wasn’t too thrilled with the prospect of pooping without a closed, locked facility. Plus: no fan. Fans aren’t swanky. Neither is asphixiating a popular blogger and dear friend. And so I am … constipated. Good times.
This morning, after breakfast and the welcome talk, we played a little Speeding Dating, blogger style, to meet a bunch of attendees in 2 minute blocks. We stood in two circles facing each other, and I was placed next to the slowest man alive. Yes, a man. Which yes, there are men here. That’s cool. I don’t care. The dude, however, didn’t GET the jist of the exercise which was to keep the meet-n-greet short and sweet and when the announcer yells CHANGE, you’re to give a brief goodbye and step to the right. Seriously.
Those of you who know me know I have little patience & tolerance for people not following directions when it affects me. Or you. Cuz I care about you. So, seriously, it took all my self-control not to push him out of the way when I’d be trying to move along from the person I just wrapped up with so I could meet the next cool blogger. I had to repeatedly echo the leader to prod him along. Christ. It was an exercise in tolerance. I may have failed.
The swag here, people. It’s ridiculous. I should really have brought my pack mule, because my shoulders ache from the three bags, 2 tshirts, 2 books, one hot pink dildo, and other swag I’m carrying about with me. No really.
I’ve met some fabulous women… Carrisa, Liz, Crystal, Liza, Frema, Molly, and Zoot! Seriously, people. It’s Zoot: I heart her.
Other interesting famous people sightings: Josh Groban’s twin brother is a concierge at the W Lake Shore Drive. No really. His name is Christopher, and he’s extremely helpful. Josh should be proud. My mom? She’d pee herself. And the waiter last night? Total Joey Lawrence (Blossom-time). Whoa.
Ok, I’m heading up to a break where snacks are provided. WEEEE snacks. I’ll also try to snap some good pictures of the gorgeous women I’ve been meeting.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
4:04 pm |
-image-Blogging at BlogHer
Well, I made it. Thunderstorms over Chicago tried to stop us, but women bloggers decended on Chicago via plane, train and car. My roommate, Isabel, is just as lovely as you know from reading her blog. Here she is outside one of our sessions:
Ok fine. This isn’t Isabel. This snoring man waited alongside me for the delayed flight. Coincidentally, by the end of yesterday, this is how I felt. Beached. Bloated. Tired. Not caring.
I dined with a smaller group of fabulous women bloggers last night, and we stopped by the Whiskey Bar at the top of the way-too-hip-for-Squirrel W Hotel. I must be careful with what I say here since a certain hola, isabel is reading over my shoulder. Stop it. No really.
I should really be paying attention to the opening remarks. There are over 750 bloggers in attendance, and they’re still accepting new attendees. It’s amazing and inspiring to say the least, and not just because Carrisa brought kick ass Carrisa Blog swag letter openers.
Did I mention I’m sitting at a table with Miss Zoot? OMG. She hugged me!
Ok, I have to be off, but I just wanted to say HI and I’ll be blogging sporadically from the conference. Cyber LOVE to my baby, who’s probably at home eating dirt in my absence…
“Mama away. Mama away.”
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:38 am |
-image-I still haven’t packed
for BlogHer.
I can’t pack because I haven’t yet finished Harry Potter. I must leave Harry at home with Mr. Squirrel. That was our agreement. Not to mention– the tome takes up some serious potential shoe space. Or umbrella space? It’s raining there, too. Yippee. This moist/mildew/mold summer messes with my sinuses and 2 out of 3 points on my noggin that throb and lead to migraine are going strong… if and when that last point begins throbbing, BAH. the horror.
Here’s my “what could possibly go wrong?” plan for tomorrow:
6:15 — get up with Jojo & feed/dress/play with him. Drive him to daycare. Turn around and drive home.
** KINK IN PLAN: Mr. Squirrel has a SEVEN A.M. meeting tomorrow. 7:00. In the morning. So I can’t pull the 7:00 shower because leaving Jojo alone upstairs to play while I’m showering with my head out the shower checking on him is no way to shower.
8:30 — back home….take a bloody shower, woman, you STINK! For the love. I don’t know…why don’t I try…
9:30 — PACKING MY LUGGAGE
10:30 — finish reading Harry Potter. Hastily scribble a note to Mr. Squirrel thanking him for supporting this (toddler-traumatizing) trip.
10:35 — drive to park & fly
Ok, that’s just leaving Upstate. I haven’t even ventured a thought to Chicago itself. I’m just going minute by minute.
This post? Blows. I apologize. I just wanted to say “hey! I’m going to BlogHer tomorrow and my stuffed & pained head has been up my arse all week and I cannot pull myself together to log on, let alone post & GOD I love Harry Potter SO MUCH and I need to finish the book before I leave AND/OR some TOTAL ASSHAT spoils the ending for me PLUS Jojo? I’m really worried about him since he didn’t love being mom-free last week while I was away. In fact, he’s been exceedingly clingy and momcentric this week. So, yes, I’m going to traumatize him and I’ll only have like 50 odd years of crushing guilt to deal with because of that. It’s worth it though, right? Right. Good.”
See you in Chicago…
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:59 pm |
-image-Excuses… a List
Reasons I Haven’t Finished Harry Potter Numero 7:
1. I’m too tired to read, so then I…
2. I nap. I can’t read in my sleep. Yet. I’m taking a course this summer at an online university to conquer this (current) disability.
3. I’m at work. I can’t get my work done, (Thank You Annoying Coworker) let alone read. If I’m not at work, I’m…
4. At home, with a very clingy toddler who repeatedly grabs my hands and pulls me to the toy he wants me to play with, usually the wheelbarrow (hello, I’m Quasimodo. Nice to meet you.) or Muck.
5. Thinking ahead… I really have to go to Target for some last minute items before heading to this little shindiggity.
6. Plotting revenge on the Pocketbook Princess. These things take time.
7. I’m kind of taking my time because I don’t want it to end. Hmmm that sounds like how some people have sex.
====
Also, don’t forget to wish LA TURISTA a Happy Birthday, Texas-style! Woot! Hoot and holler & all that gun shootin’. Bang bang! Have a fabulous birthday, my dear!
You can also run on over & wish Fairly Odd Mother a big fat happy bday, too!
Hot damn! That makes two fantastic bloggers celebrating their birthdays today! Who’s Next???
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
3:41 pm |
-image-Deep Thoughts Friday — Hogwarts Edition
BUT FIRST: Help me help you. Read this post and get yourself plotted on the latest Quadrant (also Harry Potter-related).
So. Yes. The final book is ready at midnight (OMG ICFW IARTPM*). Let me be not the first to tell you: I’m worried about spoilers, because I’ve been affected by spoilers (deep, cleansing breaths).
Please do not let my love for Harry Potter/JK Rowling/Weasley twins affect your quadrant answers.
(Wavy Dream Lines a la Wayne & Garth)… In Chicago’s Midway airport, awaiting a flight, a fellow adult passenger had The Order of the Phoenix in his grubby mitts and asked an 8 year old boy if he’d read it. The boy cheerfully announced what happens at the end of the book. You remember what happens, right? If you don’t, let’s not recount it in the comments section, thus being spoilers, thus forcing me to mail you this. Needless to say, my Book 5 reading experience was ruined a bit. Not too bad, however, because HELLO it’s Harry Potter, but still. No one likes spoilers, little turd. Ahem.
Between midnight and when the book arrives from Amazon.com, I swear, if I hear any spoilers, you will hear the blood-curdling scream of the offending spoilee from here.
Of course, now that I have an attention-needing toddler, I will not be able to read the book immediately. Tomorrow morning, we’ll be hiking with some friends (spoiler possibility: low). In the early afternoon, we’re attending another friend’s baby’s first birthday party (spoiler possibility: medium).
When we originally received the invitation for this 1 year birthday party, I hesitated. I told Mr. Squirrel I wasn’t sure why, but I felt there was something going on that afternoon which prevented me from RSVPing. After realizing it’s the day of the release of the final Harry Potter book, I told him that I wasn’t sure I could make it to the birthday party.
The look he gave me was withering, even though he, too, reads every Harry Potter book.
So fine. We’re going to the party.
But we did agree on some ground rules:
1. I’m reading the book first and finishing it before I leave for BlogHer.
2. He’ll read the book while I’m at BlogHer.
3. We’ll discuss the book when I return.
4 (and most important, according to Mr. Squirrel). NO CRYING.
FINE. So I cried a teensy weensy bit (bawled) at the end of Book 6. SO WHAT!? Maybe I was happy crying. Whatever. He didn’t know why I was crying. Apparently I have to read Book 7 with a flat affect, giving away nothing. Emoting nothing. Perhaps I’ll read the book in a different part of the house.
Most likely, I’ll need to debrief with someone at BlogHer who has FINISHED THE BOOK. We’ll convene in a closed off, secure location where we can discuss Book 7 and grieve the series end. Please join me for this unofficial BlogHer session! If you’re not going to BlogHer and still need to discuss, email me and we can either IM/email or call each other. Can you tell I’m expecting this to be therapy-session-worthy?
*Oh my God. I can’t fucking wait. I’m about ready to piss myself.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:42 am |
-image-The Decider Has Spoken
The who? Oh yes, Mr. Squirrel requested I refer to him as THE DECIDER on days when he’s co-judging with me. How does one go from co-judgeship to being the one decider? Doesn’t sound very “co” to me. It is easier to place all final decisions in his hands so if the losers get snippy, I can direct all bitterness towards him. Yes, that’s my reasoning.
The winning caption for last week’s What the J(ojo)? Photo Caption Contest is…
What the ‘fro?
CONSTINKINGRATULATIONS, CPA Mom/Soccer Mom Angela! You heeded Mr. Squirrel’s The Decider’s advice and kept the witty caption short & sweet. BIG NEWS: Not only do you win the standard prize, you also score one whole array of HollowSquirrel Moo Cards that I’m cartin’ with me to BlogHer! It’s like being invited to the Hollow Squirrel Moo Card Premiere! I really do hope you don’t faint from this incredible prize pack & exciting win!
Honorable Mentions:
Jen from Boston’s “you know, Dad, most kids just get a dog. But no,*I* get a rodent with a bad toupee.”
and
Steph’s “But, he started it!”
Sweet Baby J, you people are getting funnier and funnier.
Oh yeah, and let’s plot a new QUADRANT:
1. Bagpipes — Love/Hate?
2. Harry Potter phenomenon — love/totally in it to win it OR hate/don’t get it/refuse to participate
Please place yourselves on these continuums so I can plot your asses appropriately.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:58 pm |
-image-I’m back
and suffering from a lovely summer cold. Mr. Squirrel is still sick but well enough to notice I moved “Top Chef” up to the 5th spot in our Tivo line-up and check his work email. I’m well enough to log on and whine that I’m sick.
I’m not sure I can handle leaving Jojo for 3 nights at BlogHer. I mean, I can, but you should hear his cute little voice ripping holes in my heart: “mama away. mama away.” Mama back, so let me smother you in kisses while I can.
More later when i’m not dripping snot into the already malfunctioning keyboard.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
11:34 am |
-image-What the J? — Live From Boston!
Well, I made it to Boston for the conference. I have a River View room featuring a bonus view of the big white “event” tent erected outside for the Sunday evening wedding. I’m on the 2nd floor, so seriously, I could reach out and touch the tent. If only I brought my fishing pole– I might be able to snag some canapes.
But I can still see the river if I stand in the corner of the room, carefully avoiding those pesky ketchup stains on the carpet.
Yes, they’re ketchup. What else do you think it could be?
Wireless internet access? Check. Cost per hour? $5.95. Yeah. So I’ll make this short:
I have to present in less than 17 hours, and I haven’t once read through my portion of the presentation. I also have to iron my clothes and schedule time to feel guilty for leaving the red-faced, bawling, cutie pie known as Jojo, in my driveway this morning. OH the guilt. Sob.
I just called home…when Mr. Squirrel told Jojo I was on the phone, he came right over then yelled MAMA? MAMA? MAMA? MAMA? Ohhh heartache. Mr. Squirrel then decided that wasn’t good enough, so he told me when Jojo awakened from his nap, he repeatedly asked for me, then said MAMA AWAY. MAMA AWAY. Oh yes– and that’s after Mr. Squirrel told me how Jojo threw up lunch. He rarely throws up, so it’s official– I’m the worst mother ever, and I’ve traumatized him for life. Good times.
Should I go out to dinner with my coworkers tonight? Part of me wants to go out to dinner (because I’m famished, even if it’s RFL), but I’m so tired. SOOO tired. Instead, why don’t we put on our little contest for ya’ll. This will give you something to do while I’m suffering public speaking anxiety attacks!
BUT to put off the anxiety, let me give YOU something to do…how about a little photo caption contest called What the J(ojo)? Some of you, I won’t name names, think all my photos have squirrels in them. Well, they don’t. So bite it. This one does feature a squirrel, but the 1st contest did not. Nor did the 2nd. Must I link? Because that will cost extra time on this muy expensivo internet access…just trust me…
Oh, and Co-Judge, Mr. Squirrel, has offered to give tips to you fine, hard-working contestants:
1. Make it short. Stay away from the common SNL trap of taking the joke too far.
2. Um…I can’t think of what his other tip was. Probably something like don’t leave your toddler for 2 nights, causing him such distress that he pukes all over the playground.
Back to the contest…
Join other illustrious winners like Sandy, Heather, and TxMom! I just stocked up on prizes last weekend, so go to it, peeps. I’m sure these past winners would agree that my fabulous prizes are well worth* all the hard work!
FINALLY, here is this week’s What the J? picture for you to caption:
*better than a sharp stick in any orafice of your choosing. Unless you really like sharp sticks.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
4:21 pm |