One of those phone calls
August 10, 2007 | Deep Thoughts Friday
My mom called last night, as we were sitting down to dinner. Mr. Squirrel answered the call, and I could tell my mom had something to tell me, but she didn’t want to interrupt dinner. I took the phone.
She didn’t ask about Jojo. She didn’t tell me about the day’s weather.
She just said, “there’s no easy way to tell you this.”
Fuck.
I hate phone calls like this.
My awesomely funny, smiley, wonderful uncle killed himself yesterday.
I knew he battled alcoholism, but my aunt hid much of the recent relapses from us for her own reasons. And really, what could we have done? She was doing as much as he would allow– and more. His health had deteriorated so much in recent years, and he disregarded his doctor’s words: ‘if you don’t stop drinking, you will die very soon.”
It wasn’t the drink that killed him yesterday. It aided him. It fueled his anger at one more person, my aunt, telling him not to drink — telling him, an adult, what to do. It was the fuel to the fire of his severe depression coupled with the situational anger.
In his right mind, my uncle would never EVER have done this to himself, his wife, my cousins and their children. NEVER. If there is a heaven, he is rightfully there, and he is mourning this awful decision. He is no longer in pain. That much I know. The overwhelming desire to drink…the urgency to hide his need for gin, the gin itself, and his memory gaps — they’re all gone. But so is he.
So is the loving grandfather. The wise-cracking, joking uncle. The golf-loving husband. The smart and kind man I loved from the moment my aunt introduced us to him.
Goodbye, Uncle John. I love you and will remember all the good things you brought to those around you.
May we all heal as completely as possible from this tragic end to a good man’s life.
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August 10th, 2007 at 9:53 am, Lizzy Says:
Oh Stacy. My heart is breaking for you and your family. Keeping you in our thoughts.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:14 am, Isabel Says:
Oh Mrs. Squirrel this makes me so sad. My heart and prayers go out to Uncle John’s family. And your little family.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:18 am, Laura Says:
What to say. It all feels so inadequate. Thinking of all sad families right now.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:51 am, My Buddy Mimi Says:
Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Be strong and hold on tight to Jojo and Mr. Squirrel.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:52 am, jill Says:
said a prayer for you. you are right to focus on the positive.
August 10th, 2007 at 11:00 am, MP Says:
I hope your family can heal from your tragic loss. Alanon helped members of our family.
August 10th, 2007 at 11:04 am, Stacy Says:
Wasn’t prepared for that awful post this morning – My thought and prayers go out to you and your family.
August 10th, 2007 at 11:09 am, JSauce Says:
I’m so sorry…you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers..
August 10th, 2007 at 11:38 am, Audrey Says:
God, Stacy, I am so sorry. My grandfather did the same thing when my mom was 16. I wish so badly that I could have known him, but I also know that I’ll meet him in heaven someday. Because of course he’s there. He was a good man, and, like your uncle, would never have done that had he been in his right mind. I’m so sorry for your loss.
August 10th, 2007 at 12:05 pm, Rachel Says:
Stacy, I am so so sorry for you and your family’s loss. Your uncle sounds like a wonderful man. I hope your family can heal from this loss.
August 10th, 2007 at 1:39 pm, SJ Says:
I’m so, so sorry. I know there aren’t words for situations like this, but just know that I’m thinking about you and your family.
August 10th, 2007 at 2:25 pm, Sallyacious Says:
I’m so sorry. For you and for everyone else in your family as well. Take care.
August 10th, 2007 at 2:27 pm, Stephanie Says:
Oh, this post made me cry. My father in law is a severe alcoholic. The third generation of alcoholics. So it breaks my heart because my father in law can be a wonderful man, just like the one you described your uncle to be, but put alcohol in his hand and he is not the same person.
I have your entire family in my thoughts and I hope that the many wounds alcohol causes can heal wiht time.
August 10th, 2007 at 3:17 pm, smitty Says:
OMG. I am so sorry. There aren’t words. I am hugging you. Hugging your family.
August 10th, 2007 at 4:45 pm, Poodle Says:
Oh, I’m SO so sorry! My thoughts go out to you and your family. I agree that he’s in a much better place than he’d previously been. He’s at peace now. I hope his family finds some soon.
August 10th, 2007 at 5:35 pm, Michelle de Seattle Says:
(((hugs)))
August 10th, 2007 at 5:59 pm, Jezer Says:
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. May your Uncle John finally find the peace he sought and may you and your family be comforted with fond memories of the good man that he was.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:20 pm, velocibadgergirl Says:
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss
August 10th, 2007 at 8:39 pm, Jackie Says:
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:50 pm, alison Says:
oh dear sweet friend, i’m really sorry to hear this. i’m thinking of you and sending you a quiet hug over the mountain….love you
August 11th, 2007 at 1:27 pm, motherofbun Says:
My heart is with you Hollow. SO very sorry for you and your family’s loss. Am thinking of you all lots.
August 11th, 2007 at 5:46 pm, canape Says:
Thinking of you and your family. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
August 11th, 2007 at 11:26 pm, Sandy Says:
I am so sorry for yours and your family’s loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
August 12th, 2007 at 9:45 am, Jeannette Says:
I’m so sorry for your loss, dear. All my thoughts go to you and all your family.
August 12th, 2007 at 5:11 pm, La Turista Says:
Unfortunately, I can relate to what you’re going through, and it’s just awful all the way around. Focusing on the positive and recognizing that only someone in severe pain would do this can help get you through, but time and tears help a lot, too. Hugs to you and yours.
August 13th, 2007 at 8:30 am, Liza Says:
Oh no. I’m so, so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:27 am, Nic Says:
Stacy, I’m so so sorry. ((((hugs))))
August 13th, 2007 at 12:32 pm, Hilary Says:
I am so very sorry, Stacy. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:09 pm, Lizarita Says:
Big hugs and lots of thoughts to you and your family. xoxoxo
August 13th, 2007 at 1:56 pm, Kiraa Says:
So sorry.
Lots of prayers and hugs to your whole family.
August 13th, 2007 at 2:49 pm, Jennifer Says:
Stacy,
God, I feel so awful for you and your family.
I hope you can all find some peace in the situation.
My thoughts are with you,
Jennifer
August 13th, 2007 at 3:12 pm, Frema Says:
I’m so sorry, Stacy. My thoughts are with you.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:48 pm, Steph Says:
I’m sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
August 13th, 2007 at 5:27 pm, Juls Says:
Condolances, to you and your family.
August 13th, 2007 at 7:52 pm, Amy W Says:
Good grief, I don’t know what to say. My thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
August 14th, 2007 at 6:59 am, Hollow Squirrel » Thank you Says:
[...] « One of those phone calls [...]
August 15th, 2007 at 11:10 am, Operation Pink Herring Says:
I’m so, so sorry.
August 16th, 2007 at 8:02 pm, sweets Says:
so, so sorry. Very sad when such inexplicable actions are caused by such awful pain. hope you andyour family are hanging in there during this tough time.
August 19th, 2007 at 2:39 pm, Fairly Odd Mother Says:
Oh, I’m so sorry! He sounds like a wonderful man poisoned by his addiction. Very, very sad.
September 26th, 2007 at 8:08 pm, Eris Says:
I’m so sorry.