One of those phone calls

August 10, 2007 | Deep Thoughts Friday

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My mom called last night, as we were sitting down to dinner. Mr. Squirrel answered the call, and I could tell my mom had something to tell me, but she didn’t want to interrupt dinner. I took the phone.

She didn’t ask about Jojo. She didn’t tell me about the day’s weather.

She just said, “there’s no easy way to tell you this.”

Fuck.

I hate phone calls like this.

My awesomely funny, smiley, wonderful uncle killed himself yesterday.

I knew he battled alcoholism, but my aunt hid much of the recent relapses from us for her own reasons. And really, what could we have done? She was doing as much as he would allow– and more. His health had deteriorated so much in recent years, and he disregarded his doctor’s words: ‘if you don’t stop drinking, you will die very soon.”

It wasn’t the drink that killed him yesterday. It aided him. It fueled his anger at one more person, my aunt, telling him not to drink — telling him, an adult, what to do. It was the fuel to the fire of his severe depression coupled with the situational anger.

In his right mind, my uncle would never EVER have done this to himself, his wife, my cousins and their children. NEVER. If there is a heaven, he is rightfully there, and he is mourning this awful decision. He is no longer in pain. That much I know. The overwhelming desire to drink…the urgency to hide his need for gin, the gin itself, and his memory gaps — they’re all gone. But so is he.

So is the loving grandfather. The wise-cracking, joking uncle. The golf-loving husband. The smart and kind man I loved from the moment my aunt introduced us to him.

Goodbye, Uncle John. I love you and will remember all the good things you brought to those around you.

May we all heal as completely as possible from this tragic end to a good man’s life.

Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @ 8:18 am  

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40 Responses to “One of those phone calls”

  1. Oh Stacy. My heart is breaking for you and your family. Keeping you in our thoughts.

  2. Oh Mrs. Squirrel this makes me so sad. My heart and prayers go out to Uncle John’s family. And your little family.

  3. What to say. It all feels so inadequate. Thinking of all sad families right now.

  4. Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Be strong and hold on tight to Jojo and Mr. Squirrel.

  5. said a prayer for you. you are right to focus on the positive.

  6. I hope your family can heal from your tragic loss. Alanon helped members of our family.

  7. Wasn’t prepared for that awful post this morning - My thought and prayers go out to you and your family.

  8. I’m so sorry…you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers..

  9. God, Stacy, I am so sorry. My grandfather did the same thing when my mom was 16. I wish so badly that I could have known him, but I also know that I’ll meet him in heaven someday. Because of course he’s there. He was a good man, and, like your uncle, would never have done that had he been in his right mind. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  10. Stacy, I am so so sorry for you and your family’s loss. Your uncle sounds like a wonderful man. I hope your family can heal from this loss.

  11. I’m so, so sorry. I know there aren’t words for situations like this, but just know that I’m thinking about you and your family.

  12. I’m so sorry. For you and for everyone else in your family as well. Take care.

  13. Oh, this post made me cry. My father in law is a severe alcoholic. The third generation of alcoholics. So it breaks my heart because my father in law can be a wonderful man, just like the one you described your uncle to be, but put alcohol in his hand and he is not the same person.

    I have your entire family in my thoughts and I hope that the many wounds alcohol causes can heal wiht time.

  14. OMG. I am so sorry. There aren’t words. I am hugging you. Hugging your family.

  15. Oh, I’m SO so sorry! My thoughts go out to you and your family. I agree that he’s in a much better place than he’d previously been. He’s at peace now. I hope his family finds some soon.

  16. (((hugs)))

  17. Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. May your Uncle John finally find the peace he sought and may you and your family be comforted with fond memories of the good man that he was.

  18. I’m so sorry for your family’s loss :(

  19. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

  20. oh dear sweet friend, i’m really sorry to hear this. i’m thinking of you and sending you a quiet hug over the mountain….love you

  21. My heart is with you Hollow. SO very sorry for you and your family’s loss. Am thinking of you all lots.

  22. Thinking of you and your family. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

  23. I am so sorry for yours and your family’s loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  24. I’m so sorry for your loss, dear. All my thoughts go to you and all your family.

  25. Unfortunately, I can relate to what you’re going through, and it’s just awful all the way around. Focusing on the positive and recognizing that only someone in severe pain would do this can help get you through, but time and tears help a lot, too. Hugs to you and yours.

  26. Oh no. I’m so, so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers.

  27. Stacy, I’m so so sorry. ((((hugs))))

  28. I am so very sorry, Stacy. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family.

  29. Big hugs and lots of thoughts to you and your family. xoxoxo

  30. So sorry. :( Lots of prayers and hugs to your whole family.

  31. Stacy,
    God, I feel so awful for you and your family.
    I hope you can all find some peace in the situation.
    My thoughts are with you,
    Jennifer

  32. I’m so sorry, Stacy. My thoughts are with you.

  33. I’m sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

  34. Condolances, to you and your family.

  35. Good grief, I don’t know what to say. My thoughts and prayers with you and your family.

  36. […] « One of those phone calls […]

  37. I’m so, so sorry.

  38. so, so sorry. Very sad when such inexplicable actions are caused by such awful pain. hope you andyour family are hanging in there during this tough time.

  39. Oh, I’m so sorry! He sounds like a wonderful man poisoned by his addiction. Very, very sad.

  40. I’m so sorry.

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