Archive for September, 2007
-image-Grateful Tuesday
Ah you probably thought I’d forget to be grateful, now that I’m too busy sporting mom jeans and cutting up orange slices for SoccerTots, to which I’ll carpool in my minivan. But oh no, I remembered.
Five things I’m currently grateful for:
1. Degree deoderant. I’m sure others are grateful as well.
2. My husband choosing to record The Caine Mutiny since NOTHING new has been on in weeks. This movie, while old and supremely cheesy in parts, has kept us entertained the past three nights. Yes, we’re that old that we can’t make it through a movie in one evening. But, we’re not too old that we can’t help but Beavis-giggle when the main character makes out with his girlfriend’s forehead. Mind you, a lovely forehead, but lower, dude…lower.
3. Mr. Squirrel, yet again, encouraged me to get out this weekend and see a movie with girlfriends AND AND AND offered to watch my friend’s toddler, too. Loved the movie, by the way, and not just because of holy effing hottness, although hello, and welcome to my top 5.
4. The minivan remains intact! Whew. After a three hour installation that involved the removal of the glove box and half the central dashboard, Mr. Squirrel managed to correctly, and without amputation or electricution, install an auxillary port so that we can listen to an mp3 player or power my laptop on roadtrips. He also installed a sweet GPS system that led me through some rougher neighborhoods safely to the movie on Sunday, where I consumed an entire medium-sized bag of buttered popcorn. I guess that’s a sub-grateful point for not vomiting.
5. Edy’s Doubled Churned Girl Scouts Samoas cookie limited edition ice cream. Oh sweet yumminess. I’m exceedingly grateful I can’t detect the eel protein used to make the ice cream creamy & not frosty. Oh yes, eel protein. Mr. Squirrel told me so.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend over at Lost a Sock! She said it’s her birthday…well, it’s not my birthday, too, but ya know the drill. If you haven’t already, please head on over & wish this beautiful blogger (I should know. I’ve MET HER! Her smile stuns ya.) the happiest of days & a fabulous year! She could really use some good karma for selling her house so she, her hubby & two adorable boys can hightail it into a bigger house & yard. Cross your fingers, throw salt, do whatever you can!!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:20 pm |
-image-Reason #23,284,286 that I love my husband
After encouraging me to head out of town several hours to hit a Container Store with a friend…wait, yes. I know. That’s reason enough for the love…
But wait! There’s more…go back in time:
So my partner in hopeful organization, another mom in the hood — the one who thought up this awesome weekend retreat — suggested that our husbands take the boys hiking. Our husbands work for the same company, and our boys are already friends, and the one time we all got together, everyone got along really well. So, yay! Playdates for everyone!
Unbeknownst to me, my husband agreed that hiking with Left Behind Husband #1 and his son would make for a great weekend morning activity, so he took matters into his own hands and forwarded the short email I sent him suggesting this to Left Behind Husband #1/Coworker saying “yeah, I’d love to do a hike with you guys…blah blah blah.”
What he didn’t notice, until after he hit “send” was that at the bottom of the email from me, I had placed some rather schmoopy and embarrassing sentiments that included one of his (many) (awful) pet names. In full form. See, my pet names have long surnames that continue the schmoopiness to barfy proportions.
Oh poor husband. But he still loves me, my little pookie von pookerstein.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
8:14 pm |
-image-The rant continues…
Do you know how many stores I’ve been to trying to buy this damn issue of Entertainment Weekly? Three.
Today, I finally purchased one. FINALLY I can plan out our Fall Tivo schedule.
Or so I thought.
Some numbnut at Entertainment Weekly didn’t proof the printing, so pages 17-28 appear in two places AND I’m missing a crapload of valuable pages (Thursday – Saturday shows) and Sunday’s shows. How can I properly plan my g.d. tv-watching schedule??
My spreadsheet cannot be completed with THEIR incomplete “double issue!”
This is even worse than when this same thing happened on to one of my Girls of Canby Hall books on a family roadtrip.
FOILED!
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Updated to add (and beg): If anyone out there sees a fully printed Entertainment Weekly (such as… you find only ONE section of pages 17-28 AND are there actual pages of fall tv goodness for pages 58-130????), would you PLEASE buy it for me and mail it to me? I will pay you back with actual cash money. US American cash money. I’m desperate.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
2:13 pm |
-image-Deep (bitter) Thoughts (rants) Friday — At the Office
Oh serenity now, people. I’m beyond annoyed with certain colleagues and BAH everything at the office today. I just want to grab my purse and RUN RUN RUN to the mall for some retail therapy. Maybe even catch a movie to take my mind & nerves off all of the things annoying me today. I’m going to vent. You’ve been warned:
As you may recall, I now share a large office with FOUR other women. In total, we have four desks for five women. Everyone works 20 hours a week, so I think, actually, we have the schedules arranged so that everyone has a desk when they’re here. People have been very flexible and accomodating, so that’s good. Still, I lost use of one of my hanging file drawers, and I’m a little bummed…but really, I have more file space than anyone else, so I should probably condense. Fine.
My real problem with this arrangement involves people not assigned to this office coming into the office. Some people just open the door, poke their head in and say hi to all of us. Would you do that to another colleague without knocking? It’s happened before and one person was on the phone. Who knows what we’re doing in here, but it’s an office (or 4), nonetheless, not a sorority rec room.
Another colleague habitually knocks, waits for one of us to yell COME IN, then says hi to everyone and then tells us all who he’s here to see. Thanks. Why don’t you just knock, come in, then silently come over to my desk to talk to me? Or, you could email me and ask me to come down to your office of ONE person, where we can meet about your question (or, EVEN BETTER, I can answer your stupid question over email)?
Then there’s one of the receptionists. Sigh. She walks in without knocking, then disturbs whoever is here by asking if the ONE person who ISN’T SITTING RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF HER EYES is here. Um, do ya see her? No, well then she’s fucking not here. And guess what? When you were pushing open our office door (without knocking), didja happen to see the FIVE signs indicating all of our hours? Because if YA HAD, which you obviously miss each. and. every. time. you. do. this., then you would SEE that H comes in at NOON. And it’s currently NINE in the morning, so back out slowly.
GOD.
OK SO THEN. Guess what? There’s now an empty office. Just sitting there. All alone. Do you think they’ll let me move in there? I mean, it would make perfect sense, so naturally, the answer is no. I might bring it up today because SERIOUSLY I need a locked door to keep people at bay. Plus, then I won’t have to apologize each time obscenities stream out of my mouth when I receive dumb fucking emails (see below). Those of you who have worked with me in the past, I’m sure, fondly remember my strings of obscenities. Good times! Completely professional! Always family-friendly!
Finally, I’m off to my weekly meeting. I’m currently trying to print out the agenda, which I’m in charge of updating. I just printed out seven copies of the first page back-to-back instead of the first page followed by the second page. Cuz Im smarrt.
But this meeting? This meeting may send me over the edge. Do I, in the next six minutes, attempt to lower my expectations so I’m just expect to be annoyed by my coworkers’ refusal to do their jobs so that I can do mine OR do I expect my much higher paid colleagues to have done their part on this project we are all working on together? And then be seriously disappointed? Oops, that’s probably not the right attitude.
One more thing. No two.
First, one of the receptionists here doesn’t know what Crate & Barrel or Pottery Barn are. No idea. When another colleague told her they’re home furnishing stores, she snottily replied “oh, that’s where you go waste your money,” as she’s seriously Debbie Downer and is bitter that she makes no money. But I was too shocked by her lack of awareness than her bitterness — that, my dears, I’m used to.
Second, why do people respond to emails without, uh, READING them first? I received the most mind-boggling stupid email from someone today. I read it through like 3 times before responding, then responded as kindly as possible, reiterating my first email, which was Crystal. Effing. Clear. And I explained why our procedures are what they are and thank you very much. An hour later, I receive another email, on par with the first in terms of idiocy. What the f, woman? You make good money. You have an advanced degree. All of this frightens me. She’s either a degree faker who cannot read or she’s on crack cocaine.
And that concludes today’s bitchfest. I just had to vent. These people are KILLING ME.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
1:35 pm |
-image-What the J?
I’m not going to let a little thing like not having sent out the last 2 prizes stop me from conducting yet another contest. Oh no no no. After your last fabulous entries, Mr. Squirrel is clamoring for more hilarious captions to read & reward!
So here’s the next round of What the J? Caption THIS:
NOTE: I will will will wrap up your gifts tonight, Carrisa & Wordgirl. I’m so sorry! I suck!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:20 am |
-image-Not the 9/11 you’re thinking of.
For some people, 9/11 was an important day well before the year 2001. A day of happiness & celebration; not one filled with terror, despair, disbelief & grief.
Those of you with September 11th birthdays certainly approach your birthday differently now, and when you tell people when your birthday is, you probably always have to disclaim or acknowledge the tragedy that befell your birthday in 2001. You may even feel guilty for wanting to celebrate your birthday– kind of like after a death of someone close, when you find yourself laughing or enjoying yourself & you immediately stop smiling. It’s ok to smile. It’s ok to celebrate. We all acknowledge and respect the people whose lives were tragically affected by the events of 9/11/01. We all also need to celebrate good things and people — like births, birthdays & fantastic bloggers.
One of my own beloved bloggers, Eris, was born on this date a few decades back. She hasn’t blogged in a while, which is not at all surprising considering she started a new job recently and has had some interweb connectivity issues. I’m sure she’d appreciate some happy wishes and congrats on this day — her birthday. Also, wish her mucho lucko and much less jackassery at her new job!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERIS!
Love, the Squirrel family
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
12:43 pm |
-image-How To Show Your Man that You Still Care
1. It’s your husband’s birthday.
For dinner, you:
a. get a babysitter, make reservations at his favorite restaurant & whisk him away after dinner for some fine dining
b. cook him his favorite meal, including his mother’s laborious recipe for chocolate mousse
c. swing by the grocery store & grab a rotisserie chicken on your way home from work. Oh wait, they’re out. Grab the only box of fried chicken left in the deli AND, because you care, some microwaveable red-skin mashed potatoes (they’re red-skinned…much fancier). Microwave said potatoes & plop the cardboard container of severely dried yet still greasy fried chicken on the dining room table, promising your husband you’ll take him out tomorrow night. Apologize repeatedly.
If you answered “a” or “b” to question 1, you are a good person and can sleep easily, knowing full well that your husband will not smother you in the middle of the night with one of his three pillows. You can go to bed or go watch Tivo or do whatever you good people do with your free time.
If you answered “c” to question 1, please proceed to question 2.
2. Now that your man is completely unsatiated from that asstacular dinner, you:
a. blog about it
b. let him watch the Mets
c. hope he wants to go to bed (ifyaknowwhatimean) soon because you’re tired (wah!)
d. all of the above
Seriously, I’m awful.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:47 pm |
-image-I feel like
ass on a stick. Blech. NYC kicked my ass this weekend! KICKED IT and then threw dirt in my face, kind of like what “Sweet” Babboo did to Jojo after introductions. OK BUT HE DID. Even though I’m sure he didn’t mean to because he’s just a little peach. I LOVES me some Babboo and Henry. I had a great time seeing our friends, and I would do it again, but I’d probably:
a. wear different shoes.
b. rob a bank so we could afford to take taxis everywhere instead of carrying the stroller & Jojo & bag up and down the hott, stinky subways.
c. line Jojo’s carseat with some sort of vomit-protection cover.
d. bring many, many more Jojo-appropriate snacks, although he hogged down that Central Park pretzel like it was going to be ripped out of his grubby little mitts by an overly groomed lap dog. Which could have happened.
e. force Lizzy & Co. to cancel their plans to go to that engagement party so I could have enjoyed their company for longer. Because I’m selfish like that.
f. valiantly throw a napkin (like a cape!) over Isabel‘s left arm so her flesh wouldn’t be forever marked by the green & white bird shit that rained down upon her at the Central Park Zoo cafeteria (and while we’re at it…relocate our table out of the stanky air flow).
g. go back to “f” but substitute “Mr. Squirrel’s shorts” for “Isabel’s arm.” Seriously, watch the birds, people.
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Also, happiest of birthdays to my darling Mr. Squirrel, who you can FINALLY see a picture of here! I love you, pookie.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
2:01 pm |
-image-Deep Thoughts Friday
Who’s coming with me to this? Mr. Squirrel told me I should go (maybe I could pile ya’ll in the van?! Weeeee!).
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Thankfully, the three women I share this ridiculous office with are fantastic. But honestly, if the one doesn’t stop kicking the back of her desk boom boom boom boom boom I may go insane. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP WOMAN STOP! The desk begs for mercy!
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Has anyone caught a glimpse of the movie poster or DVD cover for Georgia Rules and thought to yourself, “Oh, I didn’t know Kyle MacLachlan starred in a movie recently?” No? Just me? Like every time I drive by the damn thing.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
1:10 pm |
-image-More! Fabulous! Prizes!
So we finally got around to picking the winner of the most recent What the J(ojo)? contest!
Mr. Squirrel commends you on the captions and spent a lot of time last night hmming and hawing over the finalists. We wish we could reward all the funny captions, but alas, we just forked over a gazillion dollars on a loser cruiser, so yeah, just one of you lucky contestants win the Fabulous! Non-cash! Prize!
AND that lucky witty & skilled contestant is no other than CARRISA of Carrisa Blog fame! YAY!!! After I squealed with delight when I discovered the winner, Mr. Squirrel wanted me to assure you all that he, in no way, knows the identities of the contestants before selecting the winner.
Winning caption:
“I demand a retest!”
Stay tuned for more exciting What the J? contests! Woot! And again, congrats Carrisa!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
2:40 pm |
