Trying my best to stand by my man…
November 8, 2007 | Mr. Squirrel,NaBloPoMo,The Office
On several days over the past few weeks, the title of this post could have easily been “When wives stop being nice and start being real.”
Mr. Squirrel has been pulling ridiculously long hours recently. Since the end of October, for several weeknights each week, he comes home from work at around the usual time, eats dinner with us, plays a bit, and helps put Jojo down for bed. Then, at 7:35, he’ll return to work and stay until after midnight — sometimes until 2am.
I expressed my worries about his health to him, and that I miss him, but the stress on his face and rare admittance that yes, he’s very stressed, even having work-related stress dreams, made me more empathetic towards him than annoyed. I could tell he appreciated me biting my tongue — a rare occurence.
The unusually long hours continued into the weekends. When Jojo takes his nap after lunch, Mr. Squirrel goes into work and return, again, in the wee hours of the following morning.
While “work” work was being accomplished, dishes piled up, meals decreased in creativity and uh, freshness, and I became more bitter. He never complained about the messy house or my meals from a bag. In fact, he continues to be a sweetheart despite the lack of sleep and constant stress.
Then these came attached to a sweet note thanking me for my support and apologizing for the long hours. Score one for the man.
He’s pulled long hours before — and in fact, usually after Jojo goes to bed, we watch one Tivo’d program, then Mr. Squirrel retreats to the dining room table to work for a couple of hours on his project.
But this new project isn’t something he’s necessarily getting paid for. It’s a new idea he generated which he researched, pulled together and proposed to a business development team. It’s an idea he’s passionate about — not for any accolades this may land him or to generate more money for him or the company — but because he loves science.
He also wants his idea to work because it will mean a healthier environment. He loves tackling problems head on and trying new things, documenting results and keeping at the problem until the solution is found or all experiments have been completely exhausted. Then…he’ll go back to the old drawing board for fresh ideas.
For this, my admiration of him increases even more, and I find it difficult to whine about him not being home. I mean, can I fault him for being so passionate, enthusiastic and having a strong work ethic? Can I also do a bit of bitching without being considered unsupportive or shrew-like?
I know this proposal process isn’t forever — and the crazy hours and sleep deprivation will end (hopefully sooner than later). I just miss my sweetie and worry about his health. He confided he hasn’t been this tired since Jojo was brought home from the hospital. When he does sleep, it’s fitful because his overtired body and stressed mind cannot relax. The projects he’s assigned to at work haven’t at all decreased in their needs, and he’s stressed and overworked with them already, so he’s added so much more to his plate.
Last night, after a full day at work, Mr. Squirrel left the house (again) at 8:30pm and didn’t return home until 7:00 this morning. I kid you not.
His eyes, though tired, were wide open (effects of these, which he orders in bulk), and his spirits still somewhat high. He played with Jojo, fed him breakfast, let me prepare for work, put in his contacts and on a fresh coat of deoderant, changed his shirt, and hopped back into his car to return to work before 8 am.
I’m proud of my husband. I love my husband. I just miss my husband. But no worries — I’ve warned him that this kind of crazy will not be as kindly tolerated in the Spring! I don’t really know what this post accomplishes. It’s just been on my mind, and even though I blabbed about it to my therapist last night, I wanted to get it out again. Whew. Thanks.
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November 8th, 2007 at 12:33 pm, Isabel Says:
Dude…Mr. Squirrel is a machine! Those hours are insane.
I have nothing important to say…except…you guys rock.
November 8th, 2007 at 12:59 pm, Erika Says:
WOW. I always know in the back of my mind I should not complain about my husband being gone some evenings (sometimes until the ungodly hour of 9pm! leaving me alone with my own child!) because so many people have it worse. I say good for you for not mentioning it (to us) before now.
November 8th, 2007 at 2:09 pm, Operation Pink Herring Says:
Wow. And I thought Joel leaving the house at 4:30am and not coming home until 9pm was bad.
Props to you for being supportive. I try to be too, but sometimes I just can’t help feeling bitter because I feel like in the long list of priorities, I’m coming in last. Wah.
November 8th, 2007 at 2:22 pm, jill Says:
wow. i mean i can echo your feelings pretty well, is 7 am necessary? can’t he work at home instead of going somewhere else if its his own project? my hubby sits on the couch and works and i leave him alone. it works out pretty well. he ought to consider at least working at home one day a week? maybe you could convince him to go to bed at a decent hour? ouch!
November 8th, 2007 at 3:07 pm, Daily Stroll Says:
you rock. said it before. sayin’ it again.
i wouldn’t put up with it for much longer. now if DDS were bringing home the major cash and dripping with diamonds i may be able to over look a few nights out but an all nighter? yikes.
i know mr. squirrel and know he loves his work so it is hard, and you don’t want to be the martyr. you are doing a great job and i am always a couple minutes away if you need company! it will be very hard if he keeps this up when the baby comes. both of you can’t be up all night no matter what you are doing. to quote Grease- “he better shape up”. or he better start dripping in diamonds and get you a live in manny to distract you and help you take care of jojo.
November 8th, 2007 at 3:16 pm, no name today Says:
Be careful with the Mr. using the caffeine mints. Caffeine IS a drug, and CAN cause withdrawal – headaches, nausea, etc. Not to mention stressing out Mrs. Squirrel.
Maybe you guys can work out one date night a week, and one family date a week where work is not discussed or thought about?
Hoping the stress level drops for all of the Squirrels.
November 8th, 2007 at 4:43 pm, sallyacious Says:
It’s so hard sometimes, to be patient when life gets like this. My husband is in year three of a full-time graduate program (in theatre, so he’s working on that 40 hours a week, much of that evenings) and still full-time for his job, which translates to 55 or so hours/week. We don’t see each other much, and occasionally I break down and cry and we fight about it.
I feel so bad about not being able to be more supportive, but I miss him so much sometimes. I didn’t marry him for the money, I married him because I want to be with him. I know the degree means a lot to him, and that he’s supported me in all of my dreams, but it’s still hard to accept the schedule some days.
Anyway, it sounds like you may be playing in the same kind of place. So I feel it.
November 8th, 2007 at 5:39 pm, SJ Says:
Wowzers, that Mr. Squirrel is dedicated! I can see why you have so much admiration for him. I hope the craziness of it all slows down soon so you can have your husband back. What love, you guys are awesome.
Were those flowers you posted a photo of a gift by chance?
November 9th, 2007 at 11:26 am, Parenting Sites 411 » Blog Archive » You Need to Read - November 9 Says:
[...] “Trying my best to stand by my man” from Hollow Squirrel. I’m sure at some time, all of us women have complained about our husband’s work hours (generally, this only applies to stay at home moms), but I think Mrs. Squirrel takes the cake here. The other night her husband worked until 7 am! I would have collapsed into a pile of frustrated goo by now, so she gets points for keeping herself together! [...]
November 9th, 2007 at 12:27 pm, Rachel Says:
Poor Mr. Squirrel! I hope this ends soon. He need to rest while he can before the baby gets here! I know how you feel, Chris has had way too many things on his plate for the last 3 months. One of them just went away though!
November 10th, 2007 at 2:41 pm, Hollow Squirrel » Momma Be Back Says:
[...] Squirrel agreed…reluctantly, but really? Who is he to complain, am I right? So Vera and I checked out the new chain restaurant because well, you know why. The appetizers were [...]