Archive for November, 2007
-image-Quadrants of Seasons Past
Hold it! First, let me just thank you for all of the well-wishes aimed at my cute little dimpled nephew. He’s home and feeling MUCH better. Some rare virus plagued the little buttercup, but the docs think they have it under control: he’s breastfeeding again, pooping well, not hacking up mucus and breathing normally. Whew. Talk about a Thanksgiving! Thank you.
=====
Before I announce the exciting subjects of the new quadrant, let’s review Quadrants of Seasons Past …
Quadrant #1: My first quadrant, really created back in the late 90s to gauge potential friends, made its debut on the interweb back in January of this year. In this Introduction to the Quadrant Process, we examine how people place according to these time-tested opposites: your (1) preference for Bailey or Charlie (and if you don’t know who these two are, you should probably google them…and then add this to NetFlix) and (2) preference for the Beatles or Elvis. As expected, none of the readers who participated in this Quadrant Plotting fell into the quadrant diagonally opposite of mine.
Quadrant #1b: After the first quadrant posted, several impassioned pleas to plot latecomers rolled in and I needed to re-plot, resulting in one person being plotted in the diagonally opposite quadrant. No worries, I’d still bunk with her at BlogHer. See? Placing yourself on the Quadrant does not put you at risk of losing the love of Mrs. Squirrel! Oh no! NEVER (not even when you bitch me out for MY (MY– it’s my blog, ya’ll) axis choices)!
Quadrant #2: This quadrant came about when my mom and I got in a heated discussion about the hotness factors of Justin Timberlake and John Mayer. Therefore, I put the question to you — where did you fall on the hott/nott axis for these artists?
Quadrant #3: Right before I posted the results for this quadrant, a very popular blogger stated on her blog that loving one of the short films that I chose for my quadrant was a make-or-break deal with being her friend. Of course, it was the film that I loathed…that I placed on the opposite end of the axis of a short film I thought was comedic GOLD, Jerry, GOLD: The Chronicles of Narnia on SNL. Oh yes, and the other axis featured your preference for Oprah or Ellen as your afternoon talk show friend!
Quadrant #4: Once again, I chose to ask you about your gut feelings on someone or something that I feel rather strongly about: the sizzle/fizzle of Kevin Bacon and your parking lot behavior — do you troll or take the first spot and walk?
Quadrant #5: This one was easy — people either lurve or loathe Angelina, and people either mock or participate in the usage of stuffed animals in car windows. Many brave people put themselves out there to be plotted on this fifth quadrant.
Quadrant #6: I’m not quite sure how I chose the bagpipes axis on this quadrant– maybe because I’m just SO not into bagpipes, yet some people LOVE them…and I wanted to understand these freaks people. The other axis was easy — I’m a huge Harry Potter fan and wanted to see if many bloggers/friends were fans, too, or haven’t participated in this (lovely and entertaining) phenomenon. Check out placements here!
But wait? What could I possibly ask which would top these intriguing questions? Should there even BE any Quadrants of the Present and Future? Don’t answer that because I am giving it another go, like it or not! I will NOT let the latest version of PowerPoint (and my inability to use it quickly or patiently) be the demise of Quadrants! So, without further ah-doodoo:
The all-important axis for Quadrant 7:
1. These candies. Do you pronounce them Reesees Piecees or Rees-ez Pieces?
2. Do you usually say “underwear” or “panties”? And, if you call them something else, then which do you prefer, underwear or panties?
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:16 pm |
-image-Oh How Good It Is
November 20, 2007 | vacation
to be home…
We’re finally at my parents’ house. Jojo missed his nap today, so that caused some unnatural levels of whinitude. I did manage to see my new nephew today, although, it was about in the worst environment possible — at the hospital. He was admitted for some weird respiratory behavior that causes him to squeak, not eat, and hack up some wrong-looking mucus.
My mom and I hurried up to the hospital as soon as we got the call from my brother and snatched away my niece, so my brother & sister-in-law could focus on their 2 week old son. He’s at a very good hospital with tons of specialists. I’m still worried though.
As you know, I’m a heathen who doesn’t attend church, but I’m all about sending out positive vibes. Please send some to my nephew. Thank you.
=====
On a happier note, when I asked my dad what we could get him for Christmas, for ONCE in my life, he came up with an actual suggestion: a casual belt.
Me: What color?
Dad: I don’t know. Something that goes with everything.
Me: What size?
Dad: I don’t know. There are sizes?
Me: Ok… I’ll work on it. BUT don’t tell anyone else about this suggestion. It’s MINE!
(then, in a vain attempt to get MORE ideas) Anything you need for the gym?
Dad: a pen for all the autographs I get asked to sign.
Sigh…I guess we know where I get it from.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:57 pm |
-image-“I Never” Tally & Winner Announced
(and punishment to the loser doled out)…
Last week Lizzy and I played an online game of ‘I Never.’
You’ve probably been waiting by the screen with anticipation for the final score from the game. The results are in: Mrs. Squirrel 7, Lizzy 3!
I can’t gloat too much, since then we’ll all have to listen to Lizzy whining about how she STILL never has one anything (#4 on Lizzy’s list).
But I can offer up my punishment to my dear friend, Lizzy… hmmm, let’s see. I was thinking I’d make her pop Henry in the car and drive up to see us Upstate. I know…completely unfair and insane punishment. I guess I could make it a little less painful if I offer to buy them lunch at Moe’s (burritos!!!). Yup, that’s it. Your punishment is to come visit us sometime before Henry becomes a big brother. Oh yeah, and then you have to write a post about how pretty I am in person and how beautiful our dining room is despite the orangesicle color. ahem. Good. Agreed upon.
=====
VACATION UPDATE: Still on the east siii-eeede of the state visiting Mr. Squirrel’s brother’s family. Let me just correct some misperceptions about cats and their allergens: just putting the cat in the basement does not reduce the allergen level. My eyeball has puffed up to the size of a tennis ball…and thing is, it’s the bad eye, so my prosthesis is bulging out like a fucking freaky monster. I’m actually a little worried. It’s never looked like this. Just what I need — emergency socket surgery or something like that. Anyway, I opted out of spending the past 2 hours at their house and am awaiting a phone call about dinner out. Last night? A loud and short sushi dinner which resulted in a huge bruise/cut on Jojo’s chin and Mr. Squirrel having to take him back to the hotel early. Dining with a two year old is always a great time!
Also: this hotel is a huge stepdown from the one in Pennsylvania. It’s kind of a craphole. Let’s be honest. And really? How can you have a hotel with no functioning pop machine? Oh that’s right, just send your customers next door to the even more tragically disgusting Days Inn with a $.25 higher pop selection. And then I noticed the manager at the Days Inn today is the same as the manager listed at OUR hotel yesterday. Oh yes, I see a pop machine conspiracy going on. PLUS, when I had to get my money back from the front desk, the person slipped me a Canadian quarter…which, naturally, didn’t work in the other pop machine.
One more night at the Hotel Where it’s Always 17:L7 O’clock (yes, the LED clock also doesn’t work properly)…and then we’re onto my parents’ house!
=====
BIRTHDAY UPDATE: Oh yes, I may be on vacation from work and home, but from my blogger birthday friends? NEVER! It’s Julie’s birthday! Drop by her pretty blog, Abbily Ever After, and wish her a fantastic birthday!
=====
Oh yes, and there’s still plenty of time to get in on our holiday card list! Just email us your address!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:07 pm |
-image-Holiday Freakout
Is it too early for me to begin freaking about the holidays? Some people I know are done shopping AND wrapping.
Until I heard that a couple of days ago, I hadn’t even thought of starting to get an idea of what people on my list might want. I guess I usually rely too heavily on brow-beating my loved ones into giving me unique ideas so that I will get them something they definitely want (or at least they’ll know where to return it to)?! I don’t know.
So I ordered two of my easy-to-buy-for friends a couple of things online…but still, I have all of my family (mine & Mr. Squirrel’s) and a lot of friends still to consider. I don’t know why this year I’m choosing to freak out so early. What’s with this?
One thing YOU can help me with is our holiday card list. Jojo and I sent out cards last year to our internet friends, and we’d like to continue that tradition. If you’d like to receive special holiday greeting from Jojo and me, please email me your name/address at hollowsquirrel at gmail dot com! Or, if you think I have your address already, then just drop us a comment to include you on the list!
By the way, I think I’m getting a rash from the hotel room.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:49 pm |
-image-Hi from Pennsylvania!
Holy schniiiiikes what a day! After almost consulting with a divorce lawyer while trying to pack for our trip to see family, we finally got underway and smartly hit a Dunkin Donuts. When is it NOT smart to hit a Dunkin Donuts? Even though they made my coffee wrong, I burned my mouth on said wrong coffee and the gingerbread doughnut disappointed…whatever, momma needed it.
We managed to have a fabulous trip through NY and Pennsylvania only to suddenly crave pizza for dinner which, hello, we could NOT find in the most commercialized section of Erie…until we found Panera, BUT OH WAIT, this Panera, naturally, doesn’t serve the pizzas here that they do back home. Oh well. It wasn’t meant to be. Jojo loved the potato soup & chewing on my kalamata olives (only to then say “yucky pucko” — that’s all me and I do realize that phrase could go awry sometime soon) until he found them yucky then handed them back to me.
Our hotel sits next to a strip mall with a DSW…so on the way back from Panera, Mr. Squirrel dropped me off there while he and the boy headed back for a bath…which turned into a trip to the hotel pool.
When I found my way back from shopping heaven (oh I gots me some ca-yute black shoes!), I discovered a naked Jojo talking and pointing at the tub and Mr. Squirrel hunched over what appeared to be a big tub o’ poop soup. Oh yes. Jojo dumped in his bathing suit.
So, please avoid Room 327 until it’s been properly cleaned. Well, and I’d bring your own towels, too, cuz… sweet baby j…that’s unnatural. He didn’t actually poop IN the pool, so no cause for even further alarm.
I’m on Mr. Squirrel’s work computer — my laptop won’t connect to the hotel’s wireless AND Mr. Squirrel’s work laptop won’t allow me into my gmail, so I had to MacGyver my way into effffing WordPress via Lizzy’s site in order to post! What, you say, can’t you just login from your meta section on your sidebar? OH WAIT, that’s right — the sidebar remains missing. Sweet LORD what committment! Oh, and sorry, Lizzy, if you get an email about losing your password — it was one of many unsuccessful attempts to get to my effffffing login page — which I proudly figured out after like 24 minutes.
Tomorrow we head to Michigan, my home state! We’re staying two nights near my new nephew near Ann Arbor at yet another hotel (cuz seriously, cat dander sucks ass). Have you ever been to Michigan? If so, tell me about it. I love Michigan stories.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
8:58 pm |
-image-The Squirrel Has Spoken
And this time, you can grab your torchin’ wit and head over to your mailbox to wait for the BIG AWESOME PRIZE that you so richly deserve for winning the most recent What the J? contest!
WHO WON, you ponder?
WAS IT ME, you nervously ask?
Well, if your name is SugarTits (I mean, as a commenter this blog, not at the stripclub), then HELL YES you win! In fact, you’re the first REPEAT WINNER (yes, same winning wit; different screen names)! CONGRATULATIONS!
I think this peep hole is dirty. I can’t see a thing!
Dear Sugar Tits, thank you for making Mr. Squirrel laugh outloud. He said it might have been the best caption EVER for What the J? I haven’t heard him laugh that loud or long in a while. Thanks. And, your prize will be mailed after Thanksgiving (sorry for the delay! I just know my limitations.).
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:27 pm |
-image-I Never — Now Without Hangover!
November 15, 2007 | NaBloPoMo
One of the more brazilliant bloggers came up with a fantastic game to play with another hilarious blogger — “I Never,” or as some call it, “I Have Never” or “I’m a Prude & You’ll All Burn in Hell.”
Both lovely bloggers blessed me in stealing their idea and having my own fun with it! Thanks ladies! And who should I pick to indulge in this competitive exercise than my hedonistic friend, Lizzy! Lizzy, always up for a good time, jumped in without batting an eye!
These be the rules:
Lizzy and I e-mailed each other a list of five things we have never done (Lizzy’s ‘nevers’ appear below in bold). If I have done what Lizzy has never done, Lizzy gets a point, but if I’ve never done what Lizzy has also never done, I get a point. The same scoring system is in place over at Lizzy’s blog where she has posted my list of ‘nevers.’
Five things Lizzy has never done:
1. Lizzy has never had a bikini wax.
High five, my hairy sister! Me neither. Voluntary pain like that just isn’t for me…plus, I have strong opinions about the whole “I feel so clean now!” or “my husband/boyfriend prefers me bare down there” arguments.
Sorry, Lizzy, I’ve never waxed below the belt either, so that’s 1 point for me.
2. Lizzy has never cheated (boyfriend or test!).
I cheated on a Calculus test when I had this fancy graphing calculator that you could basically program anything at all into. I wrote out some proof for how 1/x gets to be x to the 10th or something I have no idea, I just made that up. But I cheated. Also, I cheated on several boyfriends, but not dear Mr. Squirrel. Low self esteem, people…not a good thing.
Oh you think you’re better than me, Lizzy? FINE! Take 1 point…and your place in the eternal hereafter while I gas up the bus to hell.
3. Lizzy has never paid her own bail.
Oh, well now, maybe I should idle the Big Ol’ Bus to Hell outside your house so you can jump aboard! Sounds like someone’s been naughty! Yours truly? The (cheater cheater) angel? Never been arrested or cuffed or in need of bail money. I was too busy giving to charity and helping the less fortunate.
One more point for me!
4. Lizzy has never won a contest of any sort (including raffles, radio call-ins, etc…).
Dude. What’s wrong with you? Maybe you’re not entering the right kinds of contests. When I was ten, I won a free bouquet for grandparents day by coloring some wicked awesome picture…but then I just colored it for fun and when they called to tell me I won, I had to tell them that I had no grandparents that were alive. That was met with silence…then they gently asked if I had any great grandparents — YES! I had, at that point, and only for like another year, one great grandmother (who was AWESOME and super duper short and cute), so I had them send the flowers to her. Whew. I also won $100 in a raffle at the Stratosphere in Vegas — I screamed so loudly that security was called, and people were gathering around to see how much I’d won. When they found out it was a piddly $100, they all rolled their eyes and scooted back to their slots. Let’s see, I also won a photo contest at the Daily Show’s website, and there are probably a couple more things I’m forgetting, cuz frequent winners like me take our prizes for granted, I guess.
Lizzy, look at it this way — you just WON ONE POINT! WOOT!
5. Lizzy has never taken acid.
Hey, I heart street drugs as much as the next junkie, but wait… no I don’t. My body chemistry is whacked as it is; why add acid to the mix?
We here at HollowSquirrel do not endorse street (or club) drugs either! 1 point for me.
Tune in on MONDAY to hear who won “I Never!” Go on over and check out how Lizzy did with my “nevers,” too! And may I suggest you grab a partner & play? Cuz I learned some good stuff on Lizzy that I plan to use against her later in life. I mean, love you Lizzy!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:56 am |
-image-Wednesday Mish Mash
ACK I had my whole post written, then the power went out for less than 5 seconds and POOF gone. No more. I’m not too thrilled with having to rewrite when I could be napping!
Let’s get some BLOGGER BIRTHDAY BONANZA BIRTHDAY WISHES out there to pep me up & spread some love!
First, you probably know Beth of so the fish said… and Diary of a Playgroup Dropout, right? No? What? Well, get to know her. She’s lovely! So is her husband who wrote a sweet birthday post to her today. Go on over and see if you can outmushymush her husband with birthday greetings to Beth! Yay Happy Birthday!
Second, if you read my blog, then you’ve probably heard me mention one of my bf’s Alison. She blogs over at Michael, Not Michelle! It’s her birthday, too! Yay, Al! I haven’t seen Al in MONTHS, which is far far too long, when we’re under 2 hours apart. I miss her. I guess the only thing I can today, however, is hope she receives my small package in the mail…I only mailed it yesterday though (I’m SORRY!!!). Well, I can wish her a ginormous HAPPY BIRTHDAY and hope you all go on over and wish her a great day, too!
=====
gratuitous picture of me kissing the Jo:
How could I not? And yes, that is the color of our dining room. I know. And what’s with my MariaShrivresque bone structure? That’s an illusion, dear people… please no need to call me Skeletor.
=====
I’d be remiss and untvaddicted if I didn’t remind you all to set your DVRs and Tivos and PREPARE FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT GLORY THAT IS PROJECT RUNWAY — SEASON 4. Now please…don’t be all “I don’t watch PR” and then get all huffy when I blog about it. You’ve been warned! YAY!
=====
Finally, I need to head upstairs and nap, since I’m still fighting this crud which has plagued our house. Poor Jojo’s had some wicked post nasal drip (meaning: fitful sleep!) and hellacious sneezes which shoot out streams of yellowish snot. Not delicious. He did shock and awe us last night (in a good way) by first, taking a 4.5 hour nap, and then counting to 10, and that was after we tried to dumb him down by dining at a Taco Bell/Long John Silver combo restaurant. Later, we tried to get it on video (him, in the tub, counting animals), but he turned all camera shy and then tried to take a dump in the tub. Well, baby steps, people.
Tomorrow, I promise a more cohesive post — I’m playing “I Never” with Lizzy! Oh BRING IT, sistah!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
2:15 pm |
-image-Another Day, Another Stolen Topic
First, some business: Did anyone see Journeyman on Monday night? Cuz Bo Duke was on it, and shit man, he’s hott. You can slide across my hood anytime. Or did Luke do the sliding? Whatever. Come on over. 10-4 good buddy.
===== Back to my regularly scheduled blather:
Hi Audrey! Remember me? You gave me some awesome topics to blog about this month. You even gave me the go-ahead to copy you & Britt on this fun idea… but then you had to go and blog about bad reads forced upon you in high school, and I have to address this. Is that ok? If not…um, ok. snif snif.
Oh snap. I finished the post and hit publish. My bad.
- Hello Red Badge of Courage. Long time no see…let’s keep it that way.
- Moby Dick? Don’t call me, and I won’t call you.
- The Illiad. I don’t think this is going to work out.
- The Odyssey. We just don’t have anything in common.
- Beowulf. I can’t even understand you. Oh, I guess I can wait for the movie to premiere this Friday. Or not.
Taking a twist off of Audrey’s post, I’m going to share with you some books I put off reading for class then bedrudgingly read them only to find TA-DAH, they rocked:
The Death & Life of Great American Cities. Imagine this: me. Sophomore year in college: bad, bad hair, widening ass, idealist yet sarcastic and silly, and a weee bit cynical. I’m in an urban soc class and totally roll my eyes at the reading list. Ugh. I’m busy with my new boyfriend and ordering pizza late at night, so puh-lease, I really don’t want to read this l.a.m.e book. But then the professor teaching this class doesn’t allow for slackers, and since he’s the head of my department, I submit: FINE I’ll read it. But I’m going to make sure and mock it first. Publicly! And then, of course, I couldn’t put it down. I was reborn. A zealot. After sarcastically dissing the book to another classmate I really admired, I went to her gushing about how wrong I was. I’m glad to see that Amazon reviewers agreed– five fully colored-in little stars! Trust me on this one.
Frankenstein: After a less than stellar high school honors English grade (the “F” on my Illiad paper may have tipped me off), I waited until sophomore year (again…what’s WITH this year?) to take my first of two required English courses. I took “Intro to the Novel” with one of the more well-known profs…who hated me. I didn’t learn until the next semester why exactly she sneered at me…apparently, I was “the girl who always fell asleep in class.” You’d think I would KNOW that, but no, it was some sort of non-seizurish-Mary-Hart like response to her voice, I swear. She does have a serene, melodious voice, and I guess I didn’t realize that it would lull me to sleep each class period, so while I “thought” I was there, listening and nodding in understanding, I was really nodding off…causing sneers from the prof and snickering from my classmates. Thankfully, I was able to pull myself together to read the books, and my favorite was Shelley’s Frankenstein. Even though I’m a little no-thanks on scary stories, the stories within stories and poor, misunderstood monster (his name isn’t Frankenstein…that’s the doctor who made him) sucked me in. Give it a go.
Jane Eyre — ha! I thought I’d figured it all out… after a passable performance in the snoozefest called “Intro to the Novel” (again, not my fault! ahem!), I planned my last English requirement class for Senior Spring, and I saved my one chance at taking a Pass/Fail class for this! No more B minusesses for me, beyotch! Watch THIS! Watch me finally “get” how to write an English paper, enjoy every blasted book we read and get As on everything, which would have greatly improved my GPA had I stepped up and taken the class a normal way. SONUVA! But anyway, one of the books I was NOT looking forward to reading was this book. I’d put off reading it and when it was due in less than a week, guess who had to take a trip to Cancun to attend a conference? Oh that’d be me. I know when you think college student + Cancun + Spring Break, you think drunken debauchery, but you’d be mistaken with me, because I’m cursed. That and I was actually presenting at the conference and traveling with three other students and my advisor’s husband (long story. Short story? He wears tighty-whiteys.). Plus: I got a cold before we left; I forgot to pack underwear; my skirt fell off when I got onto a bus; I suffered a SEVERE sunburn — a burn so bad that I swelled up and my parents didn’t recognize me when I walked by them on campus. So yeah. Good times. BUT the best part of the trip? Sitting under an umbrella made of dried palm fronds, nursing my many wounds, and discovering one of the best books ever to be written. Hmmm, maybe I should move this to my nightstand for a third read? Yes!
I can’t write a simple recommendation list, can I?
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
6:16 pm |
-image-Maternity Coat Shopping — Your Assistance Needed
I hate to sound like my son’s girlfriend, but “I need your help!”
The thing about getting pregnant at a different time of year than your first time is that NONE of those cute summer tops and capris really work so well this time around. And as much as I had planned not to purchase a maternity winter coat “because I’ll be so warm with the pregnancy” or “because I’ll wear one of Mr. Squirrel’s coats” or “I’ll just wear my own coats unbuttoned” or “because I have a great aversion to spending money on clothes I’ll only wear for one single season,” I’m going to have to buy a coat. Am I right?
I’m listing them from least to most expensive (I refuse to spend more than $100…who am I kidding? I’m not going to spend more than $70…) Some do not have pictures:
Old Navy
$52.80
This one also comes in grey, as you saw above on the adorable Frema!
Target
$59.99 Just reinforce the buttons, per usual with Target coats!
Motherhood Maternity — Please click on this link & then look at the model selling the red coat. Actually, I don’t think it’s the coat she’s trying to sell… $59.98
Motherhood Maternity
$69.98 Cute! And comes in a hideously Designing Women royal blue, too!
Gap
$99.00 That’s almost $100…plus shipping. Oh my stomach is clenching from my innate cheapness.
Mimi Maternity 
$99.99 Must. Not. Succumb…
What’s a girl to do? I’m leaning towards the very first coat (Old Navy) since I just received a $10 off coupon in the mail from some class action lawsuit settlement that I didn’t know I was a part of. Oh seriously, Stacy. Just tell them. Fine. I BOUGHT THE OLD NAVY COAT IN BLACK. The coupon was burning a hole in my pocket. All this downloading/uploading/linking was for NAUGHT.
Hopefully someone out there is also searching for maternity winter coats and this may help guide them to an acceptable solution! Cuz eBay sellers, are you KIDDING yourselves. Yes. Why would I buy your used shit when I can buy it new for less? Seriously delusional.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
2:41 pm |
