-image-I’m alone. At work.
No one is here. Well, one person was here when I arrived a bit after 1:00 (I work half days on Mondays), but she left to breastfeed her daughter. She swears she’s returning to study for a licensing exam but also copped to playing on the internet all morning. Apparently the handful of employees here this morning all left after lunch.
Some of the people who work downstairs (in a different department. and who aren’t very nice. except when they want to join our water club. oh yes, there’s a club. I’m a payin’ member. Cuz you wouldn’t want the state to pay for POTABLE WATER for its employees and students, since the stuff irkin’ out of the tap tastes like the southern end of a northern bound donkey. Oh no.) what was I saying? Oh yes, some of the people downstairs are here, but they don’t count. Even the old woman doing toe-touches in our lobby.
I think it’s someone’s mom visiting for the holidays. I’m not kidding. I came out to check the mail (after pooping in my office toilet, which, let me tell you, could have been a disaster…since it functions sporadically), and there she was — bend and touch and REACH and bend and touch and REACH and WTF people?
So. Let’s see… I’ve been here over an hour and have managed to:
1. poop
2. uh… yeah, that’s about it.
Finally, Vera, one of my coworkers, called me to ask me why I was at work. Um, because I have a work ethic, my dear. Tis why. Or, well, I did until she told me to leave and come over to see her apartment. So now I’m on my way out. I mean, I did manage to … poop and uh, yeah, still didn’t do anything else. NO WAIT. I did get the mail from my inbox (one thing. which I recycled.). Saving the environment AND being productive.
Whew. Long day.
Happy New Year, everyone. I don’t “do” resolutions, so please go ahead and feel better than me in that whole arena! (NOTE: I lied. I just made a resolution over here. Wow. My first in YEARS!)
=====
OH YEAH, and I sent out 167 Christmas cards (Jojo bit/mangled only one!)… congrats to Nic for guessing 158 — you win my utmost respect and Jojo’s admiration! What a way to end 2007, eh?
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
2:46 pm |
-image-Christmas Cards…
So I totally, innocently forgot to send my FIL (and the evilness he married) a Christmas card. I mean, I had suggested we not send them one because I’m still a tad annoyed with him for being a fucktard since he married Ms. Personality Disorder, and well, I loathe her with some mighty fury. But I didn’t actually MEAN to not send them one.
I’m the peacemaker. I like harmony. I’ve extended the god damned olive branch so many fucking times to have it ripped outta my hands and stomped on the ground in front of me, doused with gas and set aflame. But I keep trying (and olive trees are damn scarce around here).
The (blissful? bah! barf.) couple were on a long list of people whose addresses needed updating PLUS, they were moving from the FOREIGN ADDRESS worksheet to the US ADDRESS worksheet in my geeky Excel spreadsheet (not to be confused with the BLOGGER ADDRESS worksheet).
Plus, I’m pregnant.
So, there ya go. I forgot. Sooo sue me. When I told my sister-in-law (who seems to be the most understanding of his assholeness because she has hope), she’s all “so what. He won’t even notice.”
My mom’s response: “did he send you one?” Negatory. “And did he ever send Jojo anything for his birthday…the asshole?” Double negatory.
But my husband… he who suffers major disappointments every birthday, anniversary, every damn day when his dad falls even further below any sort of reasonable set of expectations? He thinks I did it purposefully. I swear I didn’t. I admitted that I did kind of not want to send him one, but it’s also not too common for anyone in his family to send cards (like ok, let me think… of Mr. Squirrel’s 30+ cousins and 9 aunts/uncles and their spouses, we received 3 emails, no cards…but they’re foreign, so I guess maybe it’s a continent thing?). I did remind Mr. Squirrel that I sent every single aunt/uncle, 2 grandmas AND 2 of their close family friends cards, so he felt much better about my forgetfulness.
Can anyone guess how many Christmas cards I sent out this year (and yes, you must factor in the number Jojo or I messed up with either bitemarks (him) or idiot writing mistakes (me))??? GUESS. I dare ya.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:13 pm |
-image-This was me last week…
I thought I’d post a quick pick of the big baby bellly to tide any bitterness at my lack of posting. Looking back, NaBloPoMo (every day in November!) turned out to be a really good thing for me & blogging. I just can’t seem to post from my parents’ home without a deadline looming overhead. Otherwise, I’m trying to catch a nap while Jojo begs for black olives to eat off the ends of his fingers.
Oh yes, and guess who forgot to mention her 2 year blogiversary? Oops, that’s me. December 26, 2005, a little bitter rant turned into this multi-million dollar enterprise bigger bitter blogger base known as HollowSquirrel. Please kick back some cocktails for me, since I’m abstaining!
=====
A quick HollowSquirrel Family Favorites of Christmas 2007:
Jojo — the clear cut winner…well, something simliar to this, but with EIGHT cars that we lose throughout the day and must hunt down with a vengenance usually reserved for binkies.
Mr. Squirrel — it’s a toss up between this and this.
Me — ahhhh snap, so many good ones, but probably this. Is it bad that I still REALLY want a new purse? What color would you get — Love Red, black or opium (gray)?
Ok, I have to cut this short cuz my nosy mom moved next to me on the couch…she’s hellbent on finding my blog, me thinks.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
9:25 pm |
-image-Finally — The Martha Stewart Show review!!
Your patience is noted and appreciated. Gee, I wonder why Frema didn’t want ME to guestpost on the birth of Freka… why, I would have gotten around to it sometime in January…
OK, travel back with me a couple of weeks to the first Monday of the month.
I came up with yet again another BRAZILLIANT idea for my friends — let’s get tickets to the Martha Stewart Show in NYC! We’ll take the train, leave the kids with our husbands and spend some time shopping, eating out and seeing Martha! Weeeee!
Ol’ Mother Nature tried to throw a wet, snowy blanket on our morning commute to catch the train, but we made it, and off we were…kind of in disbelief…we we really on a train on a Monday morning, without our kids, diaper bags and pockets full of diversions?
Reality set in as soon as the lady next to me fell asleep on my shoulder and the heat cranked up to Sweat Lodge level. I had to swallow my pride and strip off my sweater to keep from fainting — so while everyone around me wore turtlenecks or winter coats, yours truly fanned herself with an US Weekly while sporting a “Love My Belly” charcoal tanktop with jeans. I looked rather sweaty whoreish, but whatever. I was much more comfortable!
We made it to NYC and to our hotel, which my friend Nic had arranged and turned out PERFECT in terms of location to Martha’s studios and accomodating four women!
Besides Martha and shopping, our eyes and stomachs were focused on food. For help, we turned to my fabulously well-traveled friend, Poodle, who graciously and calmly directed us to two great places from her work desk in Minnesota. My GOD do I miss good restaurants. Not only that, but we were able to enjoy lengthy, relaxed meals where we didn’t feel the constant threat of toddlers on the verge of massive tantrums. Oh good GOD did we enjoy ourselves. If you end up at Otto someday, try the sausage pasta. I hearted the brussel sprouts, but I know they’re not for everyone. As for Mesa Grill, do your taste buds a huge favor and order the pumpkin soup and quesadilla for appetizers. And bring along a cooler with dry ice to order a bunch of stuff, box it up and overnight it to me. Seriously, I almost wept with joy at the yumminess of it all.
You’re probably here to read about our Martha Stewart Experience, though, so let me go forth and giveth. Tickets were a snap to score — you just have to plan well in advance, keep on top of her website, and be flexible.
Her staff communicates via email with straightforward instructions. Honestly, it couldn’t have been easier.
We were told to show up at least an hour and a half before taping started (at 10am). I believe we got in line around 8:00, with coffees clutched in our cold, wind-bitten hands. An email confirmation also gave us other information like what to wear, what NOT to wear, and directions — yeah, those are like the critical things to pay attention to.
See? Here we are in the waiting area, all wearing bright colors (no white! no wild prints! we follow the rules!!):
The woman and her granddaughter sitting next to me? Oh they didn’t read the email, or else they’re (gasp) RULE BREAKERS and did not heed Martha’s advice… I tried to distance myself from them as much as possible in the waiting area. However, when the show aired, I could definitely pick them out of the studio audience, so maybe they were onto something.
Here’s a picture of the waiting area, otherwise known as The Shrine of Martha. All bow accordingly. Since we were in the presence of the consumate hostess, bottled water and fresh-baked blueberry muffins were available, but I’d just horked down a scone or something crumbly from Starbucks, so I didn’t grab a muffin. What was I THINKING not getting one? That’s right — I wasn’t thinking.
So after waiting a reasonable amount of time, the warm-up comedian dude (Joey) came out to explain what would be happening. I don’t recall, really, what he said besides advising us not to take pictures during the show AND that we’d be leaving with more goodies than we came with! Score! YAY! I love me some free stuff.
We were then called in by ticket color number to be seated. Once in that line, we were asked how many in our party and then were sat on the set… guess where? Oh yes. In the front row!! I swear it’s because we followed the rules and wore bright colors, but then again, we were never seen on camera. BUT, we were closest to Martha (and the hottie cameramen) during most of the segments!
Here I am looking large and in charge (and possibly guilty of eating a small reindeer) and in front of Live! Reindeer!:
and the reindeer poop:
After the first segment, where Martha came out from the Potting Shed (nearest ME!!) pulling a feisty Blitzen, she took pictures with the official zoo handlers during the commercial breaks:
Even the reindeer knew enough not to dump until after Martha left the area…
Yes, the show tapes live, so my LANTA, tons of production assistants, camerapeople, assistants to the Who in the What Nows and other people flying all over for the 2 minute commercial breaks. Honestly, it’s amazing to see. I think a different person oversaw each of seven segments, complete with cue cards (”the reindeers’ fur is so soft…tell me more about it”) that Martha either discreetly glanced over or completely ignored. The best were the cue cards she completely ignored such as “WRAP IT UP” and “1 MINUTE!!!!!!”
She’s a pro. Honestly, the pressure of doing a live show like THAT, with crafts and guests who are crafting or cooking and LIVE ANIMALS… my GOD the unlimited possibilities of disaster loomed large, but Martha always held it together.
Almost everyone has asked me how she acted– was she a bitch to her employees, etc. I didn’t think so. You have to see a live taping to understand the amount of coordination and work involved. She’s the star. She’s in charge of taking the segment and getting across the information to the audience in a certain amount of time before the cameras MUST cut to commercial. As soon as the segment cuts to commercial, workers swarm the set and immediately surround Martha — touching up her makeup, delinting her sweater, fixing her hair, setting up the next segment (moving tables, moving cameras, moving cue cards, setting up crafts or kitchen stuff, soaking up reindeer urine, bringing out new notes, new cue cards, etc.). It all happens so fast and suddenly it’s 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 (taper the clapping…). Not only that, but Martha thanks her guests and takes pictures for her website and for the guests and mentally prepare for the next segment — always the calm amidst the storm.
If you’ve seen the show, however, you know that she does, in fact, have a sense of humor. She enjoys laughing and poking fun at people, and she improvised/made jokes in several of the segments which had her staff, guests and audience laughing.
And honestly? The woman is stunning. Tall and impeccably styled. The camera definitely adds 10 lbs. If I looked above Martha during a segment at the giant flat screen, then flashed down to her, the slimming effect seemed alarming — maybe I should say her cameras add 15 lbs.
Here’s a gorgeous picture of the crafting area of her stage… completely awesome. Gorgeous! I loved the light green decor surrounding the windows:
Can you see the pop-up books on the craft table? Two segments were devoted to these two amazing pop-up bookartists. We already own their Dinosaurs & Winter’s Tale, and then Martha gave us these three books fo free:
Yippee! Onto the next segment, where Martha felted these cool crocheted UGG boots…which we did not score. The next segment, I think, was the cooking segment with cookbook editor Judith Jones. Here’s a pic of the cooking area:
Martha LOVES Judith — it was very cute, but you could tell she wanted Judith to come back with her to her house so they could cook and talk and share. Judith, a tiny little classically dressed woman, seemed to be a shorter version of what Martha will be like in 20 years. Judith came on the show to discuss her latest book, which we also took home! Yay! One weird thing about this cooking segment was that Martha & Judith made these butterscotch cookies…which we didn’t get to sample. I mean, they didn’t actually BAKE them, but they did the prepwork and already baked ones were shown, but I have to admit, I wanted some damn cookies. Martha also packaged them up in some cute holiday way (which HI, I kind of again wanted the whole damn bag…or just the raw dough.).
But no. I’ll stop being greedy. The final segment, a short one, involved Martha making cute little reindeers out of candy canes. She cut it close on the timing, but kept her cool and talked well into the “signing off” music. Oh no you DID-INT just music over Martha!!
Martha then came out to answer questions:
I didn’t have the nerve to ask her anything, but she answered several questions (and again, was quite funny) before dashing off to tape a gift-wrapping segment at Kmart.
Then we all shuffled out and got our bags of free stuff. A completely awesome experience. If I wasn’t preggers and it didn’t involve so much daycare coordination, I’d try to get tickets weekly! If you have an upcoming trip to NYC planned, try and see the show.
Sorry it took so long to bring you these pictures. Also, aren’t my friends cute? We were all beaming afterwards…and that was even before we hit the stores & Mesa Grill!
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
4:37 pm |
-image-I gotta get some gratefulness out there
I’ve been feeling rather…bitter…lately. Not always. I do enjoy life overall, but I’ve been letting things get to me — irritation being the primary emotion of my life, followed by disappointment and annoyance. So what better way to combat these negative emotions than hop back on the Grateful Tuesday bandwagon that I unceremoniously unhitched from my Tuesdays a while back…
Hee-YAH back to Gratitudeville, peeps:
1. I’m exceedingly grateful for the safe birth (and safe mommyhood) of my blogger friend’s beautiful daughter! Frema and I “met” through other bloggers and came to know each other better before BlogHer, hung out at BlogHer and continue to email life updates between our small group of blogger women friends. Molly, Frema’s good friend & birthing updater, kept us all in the loop as to dilation, effacing and Frema’s strong mental state! It was all very exciting, and let me tell ya, there’s NO email better to wake up to then a birth announcement…even if I didn’t win the weight/time pool. 
Congratulations to the Frema family! Go over and congratulate her yourself! The baby is BEAUTIFUL, as is mom & dad. Mommy, here’s to a fast and painfree (as possible) recovery. Gentle hugs!!!
2. I’m ever so grateful for the health of my loved ones. Even though Mr. Squirrel claims aches and pains and general uckiness from a cold, overall, we are currently healthy. Just yesterday, one of my brother’s best friends lost his wife to a cancerous tumor which announced itself through an upset stomach that she put off getting examined because, hey, life is busy with two kids! Understandable. Well, a few weeks later, and this lovely, kind, positive mother, wife, twin sister, daughter and friend to anyone she met, has passed away. Life can blindside anyone at any time. Just a reminder to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you and to take your health by the horns.
3. My hubby scored some points by offering to help me cut out holiday shapes for our mom’s group holiday party tomorrow. I took the cutest picture of him concentrating on his cutting. I’m grateful for his willingness to help & the saved time I can now use to blog.
4. Also, even though I’ll probably NEVER receive the big stash of holiday cards I ordered, it only took one polite request for Mr. Squirrel to contact a bunch of his friends to get their updated addresses! Again, thank you, my sweet hubby.
5. I’m grateful that things continue to progress as planned with baby #2 (aka Cletus McFetus). At today’s appointment, the baby measured slightly ahead of schedule, but my OB didn’t freak. She does, however, continue to traumatize herself with memories of Jojo’s birth. I think she might need therapy. But, Jojo got to hold the heartrate monitor to listen to his baby brother’s heartbeat. Sigh. Love.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
3:25 pm |
