-image-Why I like making lists, in list format.

January 31, 2008 | blogger birthday bonanza!,Me,TV/movie addiction

May I present to you…yet another reason why I’m always very very tired and gee, I wonder why I can’t get to bed earlier and/or why the laundry isn’t done nor Jojo’s baby book anywhere near completion:

Top Five Hotties
1. If you don’t know this, then you’re really not reading my blog: Matthew Fox, hottie extraordinaire:

2. Maks from Dancing with the Stars (but not this picture…let’s never discuss this unfortunate hair travesty EVER again):

3. Colin Firth
4. Adam Levine
5. Peter Krause (only if he keeps the hair cropped…sorry, I have limits):

NOW do you understand why I don’t find MaMcCo attractive? Beefy blondes just ain’t my thang.

5 Movies You Don’t Want to Watch with Me Because I’ll Say All the Lines and Annoy You…this is not to say they are necessarily my favorites.
1. When Harry Met Sally (ok, so this is my fave movie)
2. Cars
3. Summer School — I know. I know. But Chainsaw & Dave? Completely quotable.
4. Clueless
5. Dirty Dancing (I cannot telllll you how many times I’ve seen this movie. While babysitting. And playing it for the youngsters, cuz it’s totally PG-7, right? Well, neither of the girls ever ended up knocked up and needing an abortion from Jerry Orbach, so there.)

5 Favorite Comedy TV Shows of All Time
1. NewsRadio (o.h. m.y. g.o.d. make me peeee myself, why don’t you)
2. Sex and the City
3. Seinfeld.
4. Designing Women (yes, I said it. LOVED this show.)
5. The Office/30 Rock…I can’t choose. Don’t make me. PLEASE. Oh wait, this is MY list, so suck it.

4 Favorite Drama TV Shows of All Time
1. Dude. Come on. Six Feet Under.
2. Felicity
3. The West Wing
4. Party of Five
5. Lost

Top 5 Reasons I Want to Wish JEN a HAPPY BIRTHDAY
1. She’s heeeeeelarious.
2. I know she’s still a little sore that she’s in the minority with referring to PURSES and HANDBAGS as “pocketbooks.” Have you been watching too many Golden Girls reruns? Well, I won’t hold it against you my dear. You still deserve a fabulous birthday!
3. Jen breakdanced at her own wedding. How can you not love that?
4. If Jen and I were neighbors, I know know know we would be the troublemakers on the block. Watch out teenagers! You’ve got nothing on us. And, I have a feeling, of any blogger I’ve ever met, that she and I would end up wrestling (in a completely non-sexual way) and someone would end up in a headlock (probably me cuz, she’s all fit and stuff).
5. She did the right thing and got her ass on the Blogger Birthday Bonanza list! HAPPY BDAY SWEETIE!

5 Favorite Reality Shows
1. ________________
2. Project Runway
3. Top Chef
4. The Amazing Race
5. Survivor

Ooooh that’s right for those of you paying attention. If you can tell me what my favorite reality show was of allll time, I’ll send you a prize. Those of you who have lived with me or attended my wedding are not allowed to play. Sorry!

-image-Marked

January 30, 2008 | Mr. Squirrel

It all happened so fast. Jojo and I were discussing the lives of Boost, SnotRod and Wingo while, I simultaneously, tried to discuss with Mr. Squirrel dinner options.

We needed to go out for dinner, as we have NOTHING to eat in the house (which of course means our pantry, refrigerator and freezer are stocked with random food items that are either unappealing or frozen solid).

In mid-conversation, Mr. Squirrel suddenly announced his need to visit the bathroom (my words, not his) and I continued my deep conversation with Jojo about cars and racing and big booms, all the while knowing we’ve GOT to get a move on so Jojo’s head doesn’t spin around and tantrum all over whatever restaurant we grace with our messy and stressed presence.

Then, just as quickly as he exited the room, Mr. Squirrel reappeared, perhaps with pants down around his knees, to grab my laptop off the dining room table and BRING IT WITH HIM INTO THE BATHROOM so he could google area restaurants while taking a crap care of bizniz.

Oh yes, my laptop has been marked. Its days surely must be numbered.

-image-Diagnosis: I’m a rockstar.

friends,Me,music! music! music!

I made it through the concert last night without falling asleep or even checking my watch to see when it would all end. Not that I consider this hott momma someone who could possibly induce a concert coma, but in my current state, ya never know.

One of my bffs who now lives in VT and who introduced me to Ani’s music, drove over (after flying in from a work conference), and we made it together downtown to where people go out and do things in the evening instead of sit on their couch with their laptops and husbands with laptops and pretend to get through their Tivo list while actually blogging and reading about the Mets signing Johan Whoever.

This friend of mine is always up for an adventure. She never poops out on me (like me on her…figuratively, of course) and sees the exciting possibilities and fun in situations, while I fret away and worry about all that could go wrong and geez maybe we shouldn’t do things. Oh no. As soon as Alison pulled into the driveway, I knew we were off for some good times, even though Jojo told Alison, “Alison take mommy away.” It sounded even more pathetic in person, trust me.

Off we went, finding parking close by and getting to the show well into the opening act. I’m not a big opening act fan, so I was fine grabbing some popcorn, finding our seats, and waiting for Ani while listening to the singer (who had a beautiful voice but kind of moved around like I have been known to do when the yeast infection medication hasn’t kicked in and all I want to do is stick a hairbrush in my underwear).

Ani, needless?, amazing. And I love it that Alison had such a great time, too, even if she’s seen Ani in concert several times before. Alison LOVES music, honestly makes the best mixed tapes (ok, tied with this music aficionado) and has introduced me to several awesome singers throughout the years. It’s been years, but I’m so happy we had the opportunity (thanks Mr. Squirrel!) to do it again.

Ani played a boatload of new music and many of her old ones, and each one came through with such energy and passion and TALENT (yes, I’m looking at you poptarts with the no musical skills, tone deafedness and lipsynching). The show gave me shudders, in a good way. I even managed to endure the entire set without having to excuse my way past our row to hit the bathroom (which…hi… I really needed to visit).

We returned to Casa de Squirrel after 11:00, and my head hit the pillow after midnight. GOD am I a rockstar or what (insert pic of me playing air guitar) (oh wait, I don’t have one)?

-image-Diagnosis: “Second Trimester Rose Colored Glasses”

January 29, 2008 | Baby Making,Me

I must have been wearing these back in late November when I requested concert tickets for tonight. What the EFFF was I thinking? Did I not remember I was pregnant and that I’d be significantly MORE pregnant and want to sleep 20 hours out of every day? That my back feels like I stood in front of a batting cage pitching machine? That my lower wombal zone aches with growing pains?

Seriously.

-image-And the Oscar $1.89 Prize Goes to…

What the J?

I am saying cheese, but I am tasting chocolate!
Congrats to new blogger, MARIA, for her winning entry! Looks like Maria could use some good news, so I’m thrilled that Mr. Squirrel picked her entry! Sorry we can’t do more and show up at your house with a balloon bouquet and a ginormous check with lots of zeros. I’m positive this prize is the next best thing to the prize patrol…

About Jojo and the donuts: honestly, we have created a bagel/doughnut monster. On the way to a germ-infested playplace today, we passed two Dunkin Donuts which elicited whines of “I want bagel store!” and “I want dooohhhhhh-nut!” Oops, my bad.

Maria, let me know where I should send your all-too-fabulous prize!! YAY and congratulations!

-image-A Very Squirrely Quadrant

January 28, 2008 | Quadrant Plotting

My, my — weren’t we opinionated on the daddy-to-be, sweaty, stoned and bongo-playing bohunk Matthew McConaughy! I think we should put some of you (crazies) who think he’s your boyfriend (I mean, yes, he totally is) together so you can cage-fight it out. I can live blog the asskickery…maybe even videotape it and post it on YouTube! YES!

Featuring the most participants in previous Quadranty… let me introduce: Quadrant #8: Your reactions to poetry (x-axis) and Matthew McConaughy (y-axis):

Check it ladies. You love you some MaMcCo! Who woulda thunk it? You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out that I’m on the non-lovin’ end of that continuum. I just cannnnooottttt get past the constantly sweat-glazed chest and park bench push-ups and his manner of speaking. But I’m in the minority, as you can see all you horndogs hanging out at the top of the quadrant.

I’m siding heavily with Liz and these eloquently-worded feelings on our subject:

‘we made a baby!’ who says that shit? but seriously, it’s less him that i loathe and more the bajillion shirtless photos of him prancing on the beach and gazillion “news articles” about him living in a AirStream. who gives a crap? Just sayin.

As for poetry, we’re fairly split. We either hate it (hi, that’d be me…again…with the loathing) or are “meh” about it, although a fair number of you intellectual types love it. That’s fine. Enjoy the difficult stuff while I snicker at There once was a man from Fungholio (see, I can write it! I be a poet!).

I really tried to plot all fifty or so of you correctly…and hopefully I didn’t accidentally leave people out of the Quadrant like last time (SORRY RACHEL!!! I’m a turd!)

Check out where you are on the Quadrant. And no worries if you’re not sitting in the Hate Zone with me. I still love people even in the far off reaches of the opposite corner…I see two of my real-life bffs there now (hi ladies!).

-image-Tell me to go to bed

January 27, 2008 | TV/movie addiction

and stop watching The Very Special Depressing Hallmark Movie. PLEASE. I’m getting sucked in. And I think Mr. Squirrel might be, too.

It’s only taken me 40 minutes to figure out that the Very Depressed Blonde Neighbor who hates the main character is one very blonde and non-Miss-Elizabeth-Bennett-like Jennifer Ehle, star of the gorgeous Pride & Prejudice…who, I just learned had a “relationship” with Colin Firth while filming P&P.

Can I just tellll you how hott Mr. Darcy is? I may need to go take a moment.

-image-Names…the fun continues

January 24, 2008 | Baby Making,Mr. Squirrel

The Name this Cletus game continues to cause consternation at our house. With me.

Mr. Squirrel, ever the relaxed one with MAJOR LIFE-INFLUENCING DECISIONS LIKE THIS, thinks I’m going nutso with the daily name conversations.

Below you will find the first cut list from earlier this month with new! updated! cuts and comments:

1. Drew — when you say this with our first and last name, it’s really easy to slur the names together into a hott mess.
2. Elijah
3. Elliot — I think this is Mr. Squirrel’s favorite. And my mom’s. My dad, however, when hearing this immediately blurted out “penis breath.” Excuse me? Then he tried to explain how in E.T., Elliott’s brother called him “penis breath.” Thanks, Dad. A big help, as usual. My father’s name suggestion? Johnny Cash OurLastName, in honor of the man in black.
4. Griffin — “we’ll bring it through to the next round” Thanks, dog.
5. Ian
6. Jake — I’m kind of surprised that Mr. Squirrel likes this name. He doesn’t like Jacob, though, so it’d just be Jake. JUST JAKE (with jazz hands)!
7. Jonah — he let me bring this through, but he’s not feeling it…
8. Liam“meh”
9. Micah“meh”
10. Nathan — Mr. Squirrel has vetoed this. I’m fine with that.
11. Noah — I’m worried it’s too popular!
12. Owen — and ditto here…
13. Tobias — again, Mr. Squirrel feeling sorry for me and letting me bring this through to the next round.
14. Tobin “NO!” Well ok then…

Oliver comes back on the list as a middle name contender (are you HAPPY NOW, Lizzy?)!

Also — I keep tossing around the name Simon.

If you’ve come up with other possibilities, we can use all the help we can get.

-image-First Meme of 2008!

January 23, 2008 | Me

Thank you Carrisa for the tag. I love a good meme.

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Carrisa asked if Panera counts… I’m not sure if it does, but it’s a contender. I’ll pretend it doesn’t and then say Wendy’s, because honestly, I’m addicted to the #1 and #6 combos. Or Chipolte (not that we have one around here) or Moe’s (even though I’m still boycotting one of the three locations here). Then again, I do love the Filet o’ Fish. Orrrr there’s always the Crunchwrap Supreme with three packets of hot sauce. OH DEAR LORD I’m a piggy.

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. More top-o-mind diarrhea? No, let’s be brief… in my area, my favorite restaurant happens to be a French restaurant in a fancy strip mall. I get the same thing every time: filet mignon. NUMMY.

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20%, but it’s not a guarantee. If the service stinks, I reduce the amount but never have stiffed anyone.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. Doughnuts. Easy.

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Pepperoni, onion, black olives and mushrooms.

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Butter and jelly or creamy peanut butter or Nutella

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. I’m pretty sure you could guess:

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Two.

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right but I can write fine on chalkboards with my left…but I’m not sure if that’s unusual or not.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. My right eyeball, my two (and only two) wisdom teeth, Jojo and a reluctant placenta.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. A table downstairs

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Nope.

BULLSHITOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Um, no.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Kate

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Teal, and if I find something in that color, I buy it…unless it’s fugly.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Not that I can’t remember…but let’s not dwell on the possibilities.

Q. Have you ever saved some one’s life?
A. Nope.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. I had some near misses growing up, and all three times, my neighborhood friend Katie saved me.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Depends…that’s not very much buck for the babe.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. Hellllll no.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Uhhh no, probably not, although we could use the cha-ching. But then who would I tell about our newly remodeled kitchen!?!?!

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Shit no.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. I don’t think $1000 is worth the assfire.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No, the guilt would drive me crazy even though I fantasize about pushing a couple people I know off of cliffs.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: My pajamas don’t have pockets. Most of the times, there are kleenex in my pockets and/or cars for Jojo.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: Yes.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Stand.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: Well, I did through college and afterwards, so yes!

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: Seven, I think.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: Well, the one and only (knock knock) time I got pulled over for speeding.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Aren’t I grown up already?

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last Friend you talked to?
A: Mary

Q: Last person who called you?
A: My mom

Q: Last person you saw?
A: Mr. Squirrel

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: Like Carrisa, I don’t really have one.

Q: Season?
A: Huntin’… no wait, Spring.

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: Silly cuz I spent alll day with him, but Jojo.

Q: Mood?
A: Content.

Q: Listening to?
A: Mr. Squirrel and I tapping on our laptops (cuz we lead a HOTT life)

Q: Watching?
A: Law & Order (oooh I like the new season)

Q: Worrying about?
A: Daycare/Childcare for Jojo…will I go back to work? Will I be able to leave Cletus in daycare at 12 weeks? Can we afford the daycare? Will I be able to handle being a stay-at-home mom?

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Um, I’m 8 months preggers, I headed straight for the bathroom like 4 times before getting up for the day. Then, I headed to the coffee maker.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Get the office organized and the mound of paperwork filed. Then, I can tackle Jojo’s baby book and start in on the baby’s. Also: clean the back porch (cuz I just gave away my SIL’s futon…and I feel FREE AT LAST my friends. We are not, I repeat, a storage facility…but in case she freaks out, my officemate will return it when she leaves next year); wash the baby clothes in the basement for the new baby; pack my hospital bag; hug my new son; hug my Jojo; hug my husband.

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: Ratatouille

Q: Do you smile often?
A: I don’t know — I think so. I try to. If I’m around Jojo, I’m like a smile machine. I’m just so head over heels for the little butternut.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I like to think so, but some people may disagree. If I like you, you definitely know it. If you think I don’t like you, I probably do, unless you’re effffing annoying. Hope that clears that up!

Anything else you want to know? Just ask me in the comments.
If you want to be tagged, consider yourself IT!

-image-You Gotta Problem with This?

Baby Making,Me

Cuz I don’t. Meet my lunch:

Just don’t tell my OB or Mr. Squirrel. Thanks.