-image-Counter UGH post: Awwwww….

February 29, 2008 | Baby Making, The Office

Just after I posted the bitter post of yesterday, the receptionist at work phoned to ask if I’d come out to see her.

I sashayed weeble-wobbled out there to find a big box from The Children’s Place and a monstrously adorable baby gift bag! For me! She explained that D, one of the work study students, had a gift for me (super cute and cuddly outfit from The Children’s Place…even I don’t spend $$ there…and she’s a student! How thoughtful is that?). I started tearing up.

Then J, our receptionist, who also shouldn’t be going around buying us presents eagerly told me to open up the gift bag she got for me…which overflowed with adorable receiving blankets, onesies, socks, leggings and theeee cutest handmade fleece blanket that’s turquoise with dinosaurs. Roar! I love it.

I may have cried when I returned to my office. Cuz how sweet is that?

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Also in response to my previous rant, I tried contacting our high school-aged babysitter about watching Jojo this Saturday. He sent me an email that made me cry because he’s the nicest kid and a great sitter, being the oldest of FIVE boys, he’s had some experience with boys (more than me!). Here’s his email to me:

Hi Stacy,
Great to hear from you! I’ve been very busy and stressed this school year, junior year is horrible. Congratulations on baby number 2! Unfortunatly I’m not available this Saturday, my aunt is moving on Saturday, and I need to help her move. Sorry for the inconvenience. Starting mid march I will be available alot more often for baby sitting if you and (Mr. Squirrel) ever need a sitter. My number is still the same, xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Thanks and sorry,
A

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Triple Aww action: Heather B will babysit Jojo on Saturday! THANK BE TO B (OF THE HEATHER VARIETY)!! How awesome is she? I owe her big time and pray she doesn’t compare my messy house, messy appearance, messy child, and un-gourmet fridge to that of her other bloggy friend…

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Continuing on the theme of turning UGH to AWWWW… so yesterday, after lunch, I returned to my big ol’ office, which, you may remember, I share with 4 other women (all grad students). The door was shut, but when I opened it…there they all were yelling SURPRISE! They threw me a surprise baby shower — complete with Dunkin Donuts, ice cream and presents. I was TOTALLY shocked, and they thought for sure I knew. Uh, hello, I’m clueless. Isn’t that the sweetest? The baby scored some adorable onesies, outfits, bath toys and other baby cuteness. I was so touched by their thoughtfulness. And then the questions started… H began, with questions about the placenta (she recently saw a video and just didn’t realize how BIG and SCARY it is)… it was hilarious. We all shared placenta lore. Good times over doughnuts and muffins!

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One last story, and it’s not really “awwww” worthy, but it’s funny and I forgot to tell you how dumb I’m getting. Oh yes, and I’m blaming the pregnancy. That and my hair suddenly shedding everywhere. But first.

So, for those of you who haven’t been pregnant, let me tell you, EVERY SINGLE visit to the OB starts off with a trip to the bathroom for a urine specimen. I’ll be the first to tell you, peeing into a cup successfully (providing enough sample while not pissing on my hand) is something I”ve struggled with for decades. Is it just me? I don’t know, but honestly, what’s going ON down there? It’s like friggin Plinko, with the pee being the disk jumping around, not hitting the million dollar mark. Frustrating and embarrassing. But, I usually manage to get a bit in there for them to test.

But on Monday, I was out of it. I had to pee sooo badly by the time I got to the office, which is 5 minutes from my house, and I went to the bathroom RIGHT before I left, too. Good times. So I stomp upstairs, head into the bathroom, plunk my large buttocks on the can and sigh. And pee. Pee, glorious pee… until I jump start awake to remember that I’m there to PEE IN A CUP, yet I have no cup. I’m just enjoying a nice pee. DAMNIT! How embarrassing.

-image-UGH.

February 28, 2008 | bitterness

Can anyone babysit Jojo for me during my baby shower this Saturday? Because my husband failed to remember, when discussing possible dates with the hostess, that he has to work all day on Saturday. So now I get to pay someone to watch Jojo during the shower, that is, if I can find someone in time. Our Monday afternoon babysitter is busy, as is our high school babysitter. I’m screwed. The last thing I want to do, quite honestly, is bring Jojo with me. I just wanted some girl time and to focus on this baby.

I’m so angry with my husband that I tore up some photos of him and slept downstairs last night.

What a nice place to bring a baby into.

-image-One Last WTJ Contest…

February 27, 2008 | What the J?, Jojo, blog business

before Cletus arrives. Make me laugh, will ya? Uncork the plug, people, and let’s get this show on the road.

Just caption the picture and we’ll pick a winner in a few days!

Also…did you notice the new Jojo pics in the header? Thanks to Ranie O’Dell for making it and my good friend Carly for uploading it! Of course, the header has been done since October, but I haven’t had a chance to beg someone for help in installing it…ya know, nothing like leaving it until the last minute when I’ll need to update it again with Cletus pics!

Back to the What the J(ojo)? contest:

-image-I think he knows something.

February 26, 2008 | Jojo, Baby Making

People ask how he’s going to fare with a new baby in the house– if he understands what is happening.

I know he understands some things — like that baby brother lives, for now, in mommy’s bulging belly; that baby brother will sleep in his old crib; that baby brother will need gentle hugs and kisses.

Jojo requests these two books daily. He loves friends Baby E and Baby W and tends to speak in whispers around them. Instead of giving them giant open-mouthed kisses and rough hugs like he does for us and his friends, he carefully approaches and pecks them gently on their cheeks.

Despite several explanations, however, Jojo still wants “baby brother out of hole (belly button) now” and attempts to feed him black olives and crackers through my navel. This morning, he wanted to hug mommy then baby brother. He leaned his head over, placed his cheek on my belly, then gave him a reassuring pat. After that, it was education time. He told baby brother about two of the (way too many) cars he plays with daily while racing them over my belly.

Always affectionate and cuddly with me, over the past few weeks, Jojo’s need for mommy-only time has noticeably increased. When I kiss him goodnight, he grabs my arm with both hands, turns over onto my forearm and pins me to the bed, whispering “sleep with meeeee, mommy.” We don’t co-sleep, but he wants me close. I think these pictures demonstrate nicely his need for closeness. I don’t object. I’m drinking it up, honestly, because I know someday, I’ll be sooo uncool and annoying and GOD MOM, just leave me alone (door slam)!

This could just be a “stage” which happens to coincide with the upcoming birth, or maybe he does know things are about to drastically change in our lives. In his little life. The life he knows as an only child– having two adoring parents wrapped securly around his beautiful little fingers.

Am I lucky, or what?

-image-Random stuff

February 25, 2008 | Baby Making, The Office, TV/movie addiction, random randomness, a girl's gotta shop

1. I got the shoes, despite the close vote: I heart them. I’m so happy.

2. Did I violate my own rule and offer to pick up food for coworkers? Nope. Doggie bag I brought back from lunch at Cheesecake Factory? Negatory. this friggin WEEKENDER bag was filled with the (one) dessert I brought back to the office. For me. One dessert. I ordered the strawberry cheeseSHORTcake*, and it came in FOUR separate containers. I guess I didn’t really think that one through, but at least there was room in the work fridge. Despite the embarrassing luggage delivery system, the biscuit-versioned dessert was hott damn good. (*update: I was reading the comments thinking ‘why do they keep saying CHEESECAKE?!?! Cuz that’s what I wrote, duh. I’m not a big cheesecake fan, but show me strawberry shortcake, and I’m THERE.)

3. I’m so so sososososo tired and yet I’m not in bed because one of my favorite movies is on the Oxygen network. How can you NOT love this movie? It’s where I first fell in love with Vincent D’Onofrio. It also marked the start of a very long quest for long curly hair (Elizabeth Shue, not Thor) that my hair never quite took to.

4. I’m still pregnant. Very pregnant. Very tired. The baby has not dropped. My OB recommended I walk 2 miles per day. A coworker recommended having an orgasm (her best friend is a midwife and offers up that advice all the time). I don’t know where to go from there. That is all.

-image-Have you seen these giveaways?

a girl's gotta shop

I almost didn’t tell you about them, cuz I’m selfish and want this amazing Vibe stroller allll for meeself (and Jojo and Cletus, naturally)!

Mod*mom not only finds hip items for your kids, she GIVES the items away! Fo Free! And hello, who couldn’t use a little free flair now and then?

Check her out, and I apologize in advance to your credit card.

-image-Mr. Squirrel is HOME!!!

February 23, 2008 | Mr. Squirrel, Baby Making, bitterness

Despite Mother Nature’s attempts to thwart my husband’s return to the land of impending Cletus birth, Mr. Squirrel now snores loudly in bed! Abrasive breathing never sounded soooo sweet.

Mr. Squirrel’s internal clock, devasted by the Shanghai/EST difference, arrived in Chicago yesterday around the time I left for work. He and two colleagues waited for 3 hours to find out their flight was cancelled owing to snow. They waited stand-by on two more flights (to surrounding cities) before his two colleagues got on a flight…and Mr. Squirrel was left behind!! Apparently they assured him seats were available, but then after his manager disappeared through the jetway, the gate agent shut the door and gave the “party’s over, dudes and dudettes” order.

I was all “WHY DIDN’T YOUR STUPID ASS COLLEAGUES LET YOU ON FIRST?????” but apparently, they tried negotiating with the gate agents (of asshattery), but there’s a particular order the airlines must follow for stand-by passengers (diagnosis: wtf? douchebags!). Sorry, colleagues…guess you’re not stupid asses. oops.

So Mr. Squirrel left the area to find another flight…only to find out from his manager later than they RE-OPENED THE GD doors and let a few more people on. WTF again? Who DOES THIS? United Airlines, that’s who.

Let me clue you in on something though… I believe the real reason my husband didn’t get called for stand-by is because of our very difficult to pronounce last name. I know this from experience with my maiden name (which is actually EASY to pronounce if you use your brain and don’t decompensate when a last name is longer than 4 letters). I was on stand-by once in my single years, seeing lots of other stand-by passengers (who I swore were on the list after me) get on a flight…so I finally charged up to the desk to see the deal. The gate agents exchanged embarrassed glances then told me they didn’t know how to pronounce my effing last name.

Oh, so don’t try! Don’t say “Stand-by passenger, Stacy V… — please report to the effing desk so we fucktards can get you on the flight.” Oh no. They were fine just letting me wallow in the no-fly zone. Thanks.

But Mr. Squirrel doesn’t think that’s what happens. Maybe because he’s a tad nicer than me. But I’m guessing our consonant-laden crazy last name is to blame, which is why I’ll now offer a contest to find the Squirrel family a New! Last! Name! Ok, maybe not. I know ya’ll would want “Squirrel” or “Federline” or “von Douche Detector” — all good names, naturally… but what a paperwork hassle.

Anyway, SO Mr. Squirrel finally made it on a flight to an airport 3.5 hours from casa de Jojo and arrived home at 4:16 am. Holy balls of shit did I not like the idea of him driving with jetlag across upstate NY on bad roads. But he’s home. Thundercats can now GOOOOOOO.

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Also: Cletus Watch 2008 updates~ some painful back contractions and menstrual-like crampage are all the rage here, as well as diarrhea! This last bit of TMI, apparently, is a sign of impending labor (hours! or weeks! — thanks for the clarification books and websites)…but it MUST be, because I’m currently downing THREE iron supplements a DAY, so I shouldn’t be having rogue diarrhea, if anything, I should be birthing bricks through the backdoor.

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One more thing! If you haven’t yet put in your guess for Cletus’ birth weight, visit this post & do so! One prize will be awarded. Whooopeeee!

AND WITH THAT A HAPPY SATURDAY TO YOU ALLLLLL!

-image-Cletus Watch 2008

February 21, 2008 | Baby Making

I’m 1-2 cm dilated. I’m so giddy I couldn’t stop laughing when I called my friend, Nic to tell her. She can’t really control her emotions either, so we both just giggled like morons and talked in high pitch voices.

This extreme behavior may be due, in part, to Mr. Squirrel’s current location (CHINA), which should remedy itself by tomorrow night, if he catches all his flights, which I HIGHLY ADVISED HIM TO DO. Of course, he advised me not to have the baby, but we both know I can remain dilated for a while before Cletus appears, and he hasn’t dropped yet (even though lots of people here at work claim he has. Did YOU just have your hand up my hoo-ha? No? Then zip it.).

I was sent directly over to Labor & Delivery for a non-stress test after my check-up. The first room I saw when I turned the corner into this area of the hospital was Room 9 — the room where Jojo was born. Tears welled up, and I wished he was there with me, so I could hold him close, kiss his chubby cheeks and smell his buttery head. Although, wrangling a toddler through a 25 minute non-stress test wouldn’t have been so non-stressful.

When the nurse asked me if I’d had a non-stress test before, I laughed because the last time I had one, they wouldn’t let me leave afterwards because my doctor wanted to induce me immediately. My mom was with me, Jojo was a week late, but it was like 8:30 in the morning, and I hadn’t eaten yet. I asked the nurse, “is it ok if my mom & I run out to get some breakfast, then come right back?” Apparently not. Looking grave, my mom told the nurse, “she’s going to get ugly.”

Anyway, the test went fine. According to the nurse, Cletus is “wild!” I’m scheduled to return for another test on Monday. I should probably start organizing the nursery, eh?

-image-Edy’s + American Idol = Episiotomy

February 20, 2008 | Baby Making

I was doing sooo well avoiding the ice cream. My OB has this thing with sugar and ice cream and large babies. She constantly asks me if I’m steering clear of ice cream. Oh yes, yes I am. I tend to leave out the doughnut consumption reports or toast with Nutella. She didn’t ASK, so why answer, ya know?

But then I went grocery shopping and with the very best intentions of buying ice cream for Mr. Squirrel, I saw THIS. Chocolate ice cream with Oreo cookies in it? Are you kidding me? How can I say no?

So in a couple of weeks, when I’m crying about my awful episiotomy stitches and sore crotch, please remind me of my weaknesses. And let’s blame Paula, too. She probably had something to do with this.

-image-”A Bit”

Jojo, Mr. Squirrel, Baby Making, Me, friends

Define “bit” for me, will ya, especially in the context of time, such as “we need to move up your appointment on Thursday a bit.”

I received that message, then forgot to call them to say “uh, hellll no that doesn’t fit my schedule.”

My appointment at the OB tomorrow was at 11:30. That would have given me time to drive 20 minutes to Jojo’s daycare, drop him off and make it to work around 9 am. I could then work for a couple of hours and use my “lunch hour” to take care of baby business at the OB’s office (20 minutes away from work).

BUT BUT BUT… my NEW time: 8:30!?! That’s more than a “bit” of a change. Crap!

I remembered today that I needed to call to see if we could work out a different time, but I called a bit after noon– when the answering service takes emergency calls and the appointment desk staff are at lunch. I wrote a note to myself to call after naptime.

I called again at 3:03…and guess what? The appointment desk only stays open until 3pm! So I have a completely inconvenient 8:30 appointment tomorrow morning. Blow me! Now that we’re into the pelvic exam stage of the pregnancy appointments, I am so not taking Jojo.

And since Mr. Squirrel can’t make it back from CHINA to help with this appointment, I had to call in my friend, Nic, who (in all her awesomeness) told me to drop the toddler off before the appointment. Thank the stars for good friends, right?

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Did you catch my comment that Mr. Squirrel is in CHINA? Like the country, not like the city in upstate New York. Not that there’s a China, New York. Anyway, he returns in a couple of days. But did ya see what I did within hours of him leaving? Oh yes. I’m nesting.