-image-DUH STACY DUH

August 29, 2008 | Uncategorized

I just jabbed my cheekbone so hard with my thumb in an effort to cover up my eyes that I will most likely have a bruise tomorrow.

Why?

I’m stupid. Proof #24,766,893: I’m watching a horror movie. Whyyyyyy am I doing this? I know better than watch scary movies, yet not smart enough to remind my husband of this when he queues up movies for Netflix. HE knows better.

Yes, we stupidly watched 28 Days Later, and yes, in therory, it was an excellent story. But great moogly googly, I should just read the synopsis on the Netflix DVD sleeve and go up to bed. But no. I sit here, and it’s just so not good.

UPDATE: UM DON’T GO DOWN THERE PEOPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU KNOW THEY’LL BE DOWN THERE AND THEY’LL EAT YOUR FACE OFF AFTER VOMITING INTO IT.

-image-I can’t Twit it.

August 27, 2008 | random randomness

I’m sorry. Everyone and their brother has told me to Twitter and get my Tweet on and Tweet away the day, but I can’t. I can barely contribute to my joint blog venture with the lovely Isabel let alone post regularly here.

And have you seen my house? Holy buckets, people, in a few years, you’ll think you need to readjust the color on your tv because the Dateline reporter looks greenish…oh wait, because he’s reporting on (dun dun DUNNNNN) Garbage Houses. And he’ll interview Jojo and the Nugget, who you’ll recognize because their adorableness is burned in your brain, and they’ll be all “mom wasn’t always like this. We used to be able to see the top of the dining room table.” And then the other will pipe in, “yeah, ‘member that one time she dusted?”

And then Mr. Squirrel will step out from behind a ginormous pile of National Geographics, which I’ve been meaning to organize*, and will shake his head and be all “um, no. She’s a dirtbag piggy pig. Why do you think I sleep in the minivan?” Then you’ll hear my crotchety voice snarling behind the same goddamned IKEA curtains that I bitched about on the window that I never figured out what to do with “get off my fucking lawn you ingrates or I’ll lob some leftover swiss chard at you!”

So you see. I can’t keep a clean house. I can’t even update our family website to share with farflung family all the chubbiness that is the Nugget and all the munchiness that is my Jojo. People, I can’t even complete my turns on the beta Scrabble on Facebook (which, do you like it? I hate it.). Facebook, however? Me lovey.

I can’t Twitter. Here me now. Believe me later.

*ok, these National Geographics that we have? Most of them, like 10 years worth, were my in-laws, but when they wanted to get rid of them, MY husband threw a fit and was all “we HAAVVEEE to keep them,” so they’re stored all over the house in wine cartons– both boys’ closets, the linen cupboard, the guest room closet. I’m sick of them. Does he EVER look at them? DUH NO! Why would you — they smell like old. And if you needed the information, you’d look online. Maybe you could admire the photography or the selection of stories of the day but COME ON!! What am I suppose to do with them? He won’t let me store them in the basement. Swear to Goddess. Garbage house.

-image-Whip it Up Challenge: Take 2 & 3

August 24, 2008 | Whip It Up Challenge

There’s nothing like a cooking challenge to make me fail spectacularly. Oh well. Week One turned out great. We still make this summery pasta every other week or so.

Then we kind of fell into a Bertolli bag slump, and when those ran out, we made early evening trips for burritos and burgers. We’re not proud.

This morning I decided to crack open my favorite cookbook from Williams-Sonoma and find a new steak recipe. At the grocery store, I picked up some porterhouses, and the rest of the ingredients were those already found in our pantry!

Steak with Balsamic Vinegar and Black Pepper

1 sirloin steak, 1.5 pounds (I used 2 porterhouses)
1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
2 T olive oil
2 T honey
1 T freshly ground pepper
salt to taste

In a small bowl, stir together the vinegar, olive oil, honey and pepper. Place steak(s) in a gallon-sized plastic bag and pour in mixture. Let stand at room temperature for 1 hour or refrigerate for 2 hours.

Heat up the grill. Remove the steaks from the marinade. Sprinkle with salt. Place the steaks on the grill, turning once, for 6 minutes total for rare, or until done. Eat nummy num num. We served the steak with sweet potato fries, warm french baguette and sauteed swiss chard (see below for the recipe).

Was it easy? Ridiculously easy!

Did it taste good? YES! Our 2.5 year old normally doesn’t like meat, but he loved the steak. When my husband gave him a small piece off the grill, Jojo said, “let’s go inside and eat more cut up into small pieces.” Ok then!

Would I make again? Heck yes! Even our toddler loved it!

—–

Week 3: Sauteed Swiss Chard

I’ve always steered clear from the larger-than-my-own-head vegetables at the store, such as swiss chard, bok choy and leeks, but at a barbeque on Saturday, my friend’s father brought over an incredible assortment of beautiful vegetables from his garden. He encouraged me to try the swiss chard and promised me that I needed this much swiss chard.

Let me assure you — that amount of swiss chard was too much for the Squirrel family, yet probably not enough for the Duggar family.

What you need:
1 bunch of swiss chard
garlic
olive oil

I’m not sure the correct way for cleaning/chopping swiss chard, but here’s what I did: rinse and wipe off the chard. Remove the leaves from the stems. Keep these separate from the stems you will chop.

Chop off and discard the base of the stem (about an inch or two). Then cut on a diagonal the stalk/stem like you would with celery.

Heat the largest pan you own with the oil and crushed garlic. Toss in the stems and saute with the garlic and olive oil for a few minutes. Next add in the leaves. You might have to add a handful or two at a time; they will reduce (like spinach does), then you can add more. Continue to mix the garlic and oil around and remove when the stems and leaves are at the consistency you desire.

Was it easy? Yes, although the big ass leafy vegetable intimidated me. Next time, I know who’s boss.

Did it taste good? “It was ok,” says my husband. Ditto, I say. The stems were cooked perfectly, and I really enjoyed the unusual taste…like an earthy, somewhat spicy celery. The leaves, however, I did not care for; that could be because I didn’t saute them long enough.

Would I make again? Yes, but I’ll probably use a lot less and check out a couple other recipes to see how they cut the vegetable and if they use other spices.

-image-Safety First

TV/movie addiction

Is anyone else scared for the drummers in the closing ceremony who are sporting red and yellow bicycle helmets?! Might there be head injuries?

Or is this protective headgear required after some massive drumming head injuries from the opening ceremonies? Well then, I completely approve.

Next question: air traffic controllers? rolling light up circle thingies? Someone’s going to biff. Luckily, they’re wearing helmets, too.

-image-Yet Another Reason

August 22, 2008 | bitterness,Mr. Squirrel

my husband shouldn’t work so goddamn much: um, he wears out his laptops quicker than any other employee. Currently, he’s sitting beside me (at 9:14pm on a Friday evening), trying hotwire his laptop with a pair of scissors.

Other reasons he needs to cut back his hours:
- our lawn currently resembles a mullet — all business up front and party in the back
- he’s kind of a crabby assmunch when he doesn’t get enough sleep
- I’m sick of doing all the frigging laundry
- and taking out the garbage
- and changing the diaper champs
- and cleaning up the kitchen even though if you saw it, you’d be all “didn’t she say she cleans up the kitchen?” but what the fuck am I suppose to do when we don’t have enough room for anything and we don’t have a mudroom, so we have piles of shoes and piles of bags and piles of SHIT IN GENERAL? FUCK.
- I’m a tad bitter
- and if you calculated his per hour rate, it might be less than mine, so you know what, Mr. Worky Workerton? TURN YOUR LAPTOP OFF (he did it. it now works) AND GO TO BED.

Well then, that was cathartic.

-image-I just want to get this off my chest, too.

August 21, 2008 | random randomness

Literally and figuratively: I hate mercerized cotton. It’s always cold, snags easily and just blech. Booooooo mercerized cotton, BOOOOO! I’ll see you in hell along with Maybelline Great Lash Mascara, which should be renamed Maybelline Great Big Ass Clumps that Flake Onto Your Cheek Mascara.

And what’s with the baggy, rolled up jeans I saw in my literature, Ok! Magazine? Please tell me we’re not going there. I’m not going there. I’ve said that before with Birkenstocks and capris, but I’m REALLY not going back to pegging my fricking jeans.

GOOD DAY TO YOU INTERWEB. I’m going to publish before I blow a vessel all over my desk when I start in on the very late Fall TV Schedule. How’s a girl suppose to plan? Jeezus.

-image-What it is.

August 19, 2008 | blog business,friends

I missed BlogHer this year, and heck yes, I wish I could have gone. I’d have loved to see and freak out over Dooce. I probably would have hugged Amalah and talked really loudly like a freak.

I would have squeezed the daylights out of this crazy lady and been the LOUD OBNOXIOUS third wheel with the aforementioned linkylove and this here lovely. I’d have hugged a bunch more of you, too– those of you I met last year, bloggers I know and would meet at BlogHer 2008, surprise new friendships, busboys, random strangers, I don’t care. I’ll hug you. Come over here and give me some love.

I read up on a couple people’s blogs about the festivities, the amazing sessions, awesome parties, instant bestfriendships, gorgeous setting, and, unfortunately, insecurities. Ugh. I hate reading about the insecurities, stated or otherwise. I hate them because I know them. I lived them at the previous years Blogher and hell, I would have had them at the SanFran event, too.

Shit. I quit reading some posts before I hitting the second negative sentence. I couldn’t take the hurt feelings, any negativity…anything that reminded me of any uncomfortableness. Blech.

That’s not to say hurt feelings weren’t real or valid. Apparently, I hurt feelings when I went, but it wasn’t intentional. (insert excuses here! People love excuses!) I was 6 weeks pregnant and nauseated most of the time; I couldn’t tell people WHY ON EARTH I wasn’t guzzling the free wine, and I was too exhausted to even want to attend any parties (had I been invited to any, which was NO). But I was fine with that, because a couple of blogger women and me had decided to meet up and get to know one another so we would never feel the pains of high school dance angst. Honestly, I don’t regret for a second going to BlogHer 2007; I just wish I had felt better so I could have been more myself instead of Nauseated and Easily Irritated Stacy. Had I been more my usual SUNSHINEY SELF, I probably could have reduced any ill feelings owing to what truly was a look of holding-back-vomit, when it came across to others as an unfriendly face.

I gotta tell you, though, one post I read post-BlogHer, which I think (again: memory = Swiss Cheese) had to do with the whole BlogHer news in the style section of a paper, reacted to how mommy bloggers, in general, are being gathered up and catered to…given free merch to for reviews, etc. I see that many popular bloggers were given $500 to JC Penney to then blog about. Bloggers are being flown to various cities, sponsored by scores of different organizations and companies, to be given hot shit swag and then blog about it (or not…I’m not sure if all swag comes with strings attached).

I’m going to give it to you straight: I’ve never been solicited for free stuff. If you’re sitting behind your computer wondering if you’re the only blogger (esp: mommyblogger) who isn’t being contacted for free trips and free merch, hear it from me: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

When I read the post that said basically, “and who’s not getting contacted…” a pit in my tummy developed that reminded me of a night with bad mussels. Am I the only one, I thought? Am I that bad of a writer (don’t worry, I know the answer to that) that I’m the only one “they” don’t want to pepper with free maxipads, digital SLR cameras and trips to the beach?

Fuck. No. No, I’m not. Sure, I’m not the best writer. I know writing a cohesive post isn’t my strength. I realize I started late in the game and don’t hang out with the veterans (yes, we know…you JOURNALED FIRST). And not that if I did start earlier, I’d be raking in the well-paid gigs and giving away cars through my random number generator. I realize that. But what do I want then?

I’m just a person who decided to start a blog as a place to vent about life. To share the stories that I used to share with my friends and colleagues on a daily an hourly basis, but since we’ve moved so much, I thought it would be easier to “tell” the story once instead of half a dozen times via the internet. Sure. I’d LOVE to get some free shit, but I don’t want it if I have to blow sunshine up a company’s ass with positive reviews. Sure. I’d love a trip to talk to marketing people, at their expense, to opine about products and services.

At this point in my life, however, I just want a little more time to myself. To blog, to read your stories, to share a little couch time with my husband after blowing bubbles in the bath with Jojo and letting Nugget play with my hair before falling asleep. I want to continue the wonderful friendships I’ve made throughout the years — those made in the sandbox, at the workplace, in the neighborhoods and over the interweb. I want to not take myself so seriously and also step out from behind my jokes and take myself seriously. I want to be a better wife. I want to be a better mom. I want to be a better daughter, sister, sister-in-law and friend. Please note: I don’t want to be a better employee; work can suck it.

So that’s what it is. A huge ass post about what? Yeah, I don’t know either. Just know: whatever you are blogging about…if it’s important to you, if it gives you a source of pleasure and/or purpose, then it’s good stuff. It’s worthy of your time and space on the web. If you just started today, congratulations and welcome and have fun. Don’t be frustrated by stories of ad riches, high stats (I haven’t checked my stats in at least 6 months. yay!), or comments. Just go and read and write and have fun.

With that said, I have to go to bed because I just minddumped all over myself.

-image-Ass-Kicking? Moi?

August 17, 2008 | blog business,friends,Me

Thanks to one of my closest interweb friends, Carrisa, I was given the Kick Ass Blogger Award. I’m not sure what I did to warrant this…clearly, it’s not for centering the award or otherwise manipulating the text to wrap around the g.d. graphic WHAT IS WITH WORDPRESS LATELY?

Ahem. I digress..

Not since my August 1998 Little Caesar’s Employee of the Month award have I been been so surprised by such an honor!

Unlike my aforementioned Little Caesar’s Employee of the Month award, the Kick Ass Blogger Award does not come with a big button to wear on my pleather apron or $25 in cold hard cash, but it does allow for me to pass along the love to five other kick ass bloggers!

Just 5? In no particular order, five kick ass bloggers that I heart long time are:

* Britt at Fluent Brittish — I’m not sure what took me so dang long to catch on to her blog, as she’s a friend of my BBF, Isabel, but HELLO, this girl cracks me up! I love her! I know when we meet, one of us will end up in a head lock and someone may pee themselves.
* Liza at Liza Was Here — this woman has a lot going on in her life, and she’s willing to share it with the interweb! While writing grammatically correct and thoughtful posts here and at Deep South Moms, Liza still finds time to support her friends and kick ass!
* Jen at Keep Passing the Open Windows — I wish Jen and I were neighbors (ok, that’s true of many of you!). I love her blog, her stories, and her comments. Her posts tend to be shorter than average, which is GREAT for reading at work or getting to the hysterical point…kind of like what SNL should do.
* La Turista — I fell for this hilarious chica as soon as I read her. I just loved her immediately & feel like even if we haven’t blogged or commented in a couple of months, we can catch up without all the awkwardness. She doesn’t appear to take blogging too seriously, which I admire.
* Kristabella – She tells a good story and isn’t afraid to laugh at herself! Next time I visit Chicago, I’m buying this kick ass blogger a glass o’ fine wine.

Thank you, again, Carrisa, for the award. You made my night!

*****

Check out New To Us… I finally blogged about the Nugget!

-image-The Face of “Ingrate”

The Nugget

Looks innocent and lovely enough, doesn’t he? Well, this is the kid who turned away (gasp!) the boob that feeds him in favor of a (double gasp!) bottle.

For one thing, I’m relieved he finally accepted the bottle at daycare.

On the other hand, I’ll be over there, in the corner, crying.

-image-How do you NOT know who Keyser Soze is?

August 13, 2008 | TV/movie addiction

Hand over my heart, one of the new work interns is Keyser Soze.

If the identical physical likeness and soft voice isn’t enough to completely melt my MIND, the fact that NO ONE HERE KNOWS WHO KEYSER SOZE IS might just tip me over the edge into an obscenity-laced freakout. I’ve said “Keyser Soze is IN MY OFFICE” to no fewer than three people only to be met with blank stares.

Maybe we can use this move-related downtime to download some Netflix movies and educate those less fortunate. I mean, REALLY? COME ON now.