One. Day. LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 26, 2008 | The Office
Parting words of wisdom for some of my coworkers:
1. If you send out an email to almost the entire staff about getting a gift for a departing colleague, don’t include that colleague on the email distribution list. Especially when you set a $30 limit on the plant you’re going to get her. Why not just get her one of those tasty new marinated pork burritos from Moe’s? Just a suggestion…
2. Remember that $10 you owe me? And that book of mine that you took home? I want my money, and I want my book, mainly because I just kind of don’t like you all that much.
3. Get that stick out of your ass.
4. I think you might need a hearing aid, and there’s nothing wrong with that…trust me, it will help.
5. You might want to look into anti-depressants.
6. Your new chairs look much better in your office, but dump that country cat calendar.
7. Lying about when a report is due and making sure to say it in front of a bunch of people to make me look incompetent doesn’t work. They’re all onto you. Everyone is onto you. As I said in my email, I won’t have that report done by the time I leave because it’s not DUE September 30th…it’s due DECEMBER 30th. Fool me once on a report due date, shame on me. Fool me twice? And I’ll burn down your office. I mean, I’m not falling for that again (um, and the last time? I got it done FIVE MONTHS EARLY). Also? You suck.
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September 26th, 2008 at 8:16 pm, Ames Says:
Sounds like it is past time to get out of there!! My former boss was a horrible person, a pathological liar, and a cruel bitch. I swear the day I quit the sun was shining, the angels were singing, I felt 10 years younger…congrats on getting out of there, life can only get better from here!
September 26th, 2008 at 8:47 pm, Monica Says:
Amen sister! You tell them!
September 26th, 2008 at 9:20 pm, SJ Says:
You go girl!
September 26th, 2008 at 10:11 pm, Ree Says:
Considering I’m listening to a “emergency” call on my blackberry @ 11:11 pm – and it sounds like a fluster cluck? I feel your pain. And your relief.
September 27th, 2008 at 7:48 am, Maria Says:
Can we assume that your desk at home is now fully stocked with liberally pilfered items?
September 27th, 2008 at 4:53 pm, Sallyacious Says:
Yay! Is it just me, or is it kind of strange that your last day is a Monday?
September 27th, 2008 at 9:04 pm, keeniekay Says:
i don’t know you, other than from your blog, but want you to know that this shit happens in every neck of the woods…..kudos to you for not taking it anymore…..and for having the last word……….for those of us who live in podunkville and have to have the ‘ole moola to put the kiddies through college, well………..we’ll be puttin’ up with the dragon for a few more years…..
September 30th, 2008 at 1:32 pm, Hollow Squirrel » When Multitasking Goes Awry Says:
[...] I am, at the office on my last day, admiring my $30 (max) plant, and finishing up my third dessert from the luncheon. The plant really is quite nice. Too bad it [...]
October 1st, 2008 at 3:28 pm, Sugar Says:
Leaving a crappy job is probably the best thing next to great sex or chocolate chip cookie dough with merlot.
I came by your blog through an outclick from your BlogHer ads. I’m glad I clicked over. Nice to meet you!
October 4th, 2008 at 12:47 pm, Audrey Says:
OMG Why didn’t I think to do this when I left my last job? My list definitely would have included: take the damn stuffed animals out of the back of your car. You’re a grown woman, and they make you look 5. It’s not just me — Mrs. Squirrel agrees that it’s time for you to grow up.