-image-Just Sitting Here…Getting Dumber

November 30, 2008 | a girl's gotta shop,holidays

An hour or so ago, while I wasted yet more time on Facebook (or maybe it was when I was stuffing my face full of TollHouse Pie, which, um, can you blame me?), my husband played one of the cnet podcast thingies on our Tivo and exclaimed that YES! That’s what he wants for Christmas! There’s an idea!

RUN WITH IT! And AND AND it’s only like $35.

I glanced up and kept on stuffing my face and/or Facebooking. I don’t remember. I was so busy eating/FBing while also attempting to be nonchalant so that he’d think I wasn’t really paying attention but then OH HELL YEAH that’s what you’re opening up on Christmas morning BOOOOYEAH WHO’S THE BEST WIFE EVER?!

Before I had kids, I could have pulled this off without a hitch. I had the memory. I had the money. I had the energy to yell BOOOOYEAH.

Nowadays, I barely shower, have racked up well over $400 in missed appointment fees with two different doctor’s offices and can barely complete a sentence without having to cock my head to the side and squinch up my face and eyes to squeeze out the thought.

I shouldn’t be surprised, then, that it took me a good hour to remember at least the basic concepts of this gift. Here’s what I got: it was black, had a plug, a screen that displayed numbers and it was like $35. It might have had something to do with reading energy output or electricity. I know. You think I might need help (on several levels), and you, my friend, are correct.

I also tried the Pretending Not To Pay Attention Surprise Gift Trick with some electronic pen that reads what you’re writing and will download it to your computer later thingy (that’s not it’s real name…if you can imagine that). This gem was brought to him by David Pogue, so I emailed him. He hasn’t responded. David, if you read my blog (ha!), please…my husband’s entire Christmas rests in your hands. Or memory.

I’ve taken another step in figuring out these two elusive gifts…I also emailed cnet tv. Let’s see if either organization responds and makes this Christmas a techy and merry one for the Mr.

Now, before I get even dumber, I gotta go to bed. Well, I have to read the third book of the Twilight series. I don’t even know the name…I just know I was suppose to read it next. Seriously. My IQ is falling fast. Someone grab a net.

-image-Confessions…I’m Getting Good at These

November 26, 2008 | Confessional

1. I’ve eaten McDonald’s for lunch the past 2 days (Jojo, only once, so don’t get all high and mighty)

2. I totally failed NaBloPoMo by not posting yesterday…well, plus the day before, Mr. Squirrel posted for me because I was too sick and tired to post. So yeah. Oh well.

3. From 5:20 until 6:54 this morning, I watched QVC with The Nugget. I didn’t purchase anything. It took great restraint.

4. I had a most disturbing dream that I have since entitled (and only because for now, it cannot be repressed) “Stacy and Her Disturbing Subconscious Make a Porno.”

-image-Emergency Post

November 24, 2008 | Mr. Squirrel

On day 24 of National-Blog-For-An-Entire-Month-Month, Hollow Squirrel faded into a mere shell of her former self. Was it the bronchitis, two active boys, little sleep or a night of too much tequila celebrating the New York Football Giants’ win over the Arizona Cardinals that sapped the will to post from the H. Squirrel?

No. Really, which was it? (Answer below)

At long last, the burden fell on Mr. Squirrel to carry on through the darkness and make sure that not all that is good in the world would fade so quickly and so near to the ultimate goal (80% to be exact). Like Samwise Gamgee to Frodo Baggins, I could not carry Mrs. Squirrel’s burden, but I could post for her. For one day (queue dramatic music), I could carry forth her dreams and aspirations. For one day,I could let her go to sleep a few minutes earlier only to be roused by a screaming Nugget seconds after slipping into bed. For one day, (fade in waving American flag) I would answer the call and fufill the promise that lives inside all of us. For one day, I would post on Hollow squirrel and make my voice heard. A lone post among the cacophony of I-must-blog-every-day-for-a-month-month.

I realize there is only one chance to make a first impression. And clearly, I’ve already lost most of you. As you can tell, the Missus is my better in the “humor department”, among many other “departments”.

In the brief time I have left i will leave you with the following pieces of advice:

1) Invest in lithium mining companies.

2) TiVo – If you don’t have it, get it.

3) Turn off lights you don’t use – it’s amazing how much energy we could all save if we used only what we needed. Lights are an easy example, once you’ve mastered that one, conserving other things becomes a lot easier.

4) Heroes – Not as good as it used to be… but give it the benefit of the doubt.

5) A good offensive line is the key to a good football team, yet you hardly EVER hear about those guys. There’s a very important life lesson there: The fundamentals are critical, even if they are not glamorous. I wish that when people teach football they would focus more on this aspect. I feel surprisingly passionate about this.

6) You should respect H. Squirrel’s posts a lot more because her keyboard sucks. I blame it for any and all typos in this post.

7) Foosh.

Art is like Jenga… all the pieces have been known for centuries, the novelty comes from how new generations put them together. BTW – this is #8 but somehow a smiley face shows up – I’m so uncool for not knowing all the shortcuts to the emoticons.

9) Value learning – always. Education is the key to success in the future. This is especially important to all of you with kids (like me). I feel unsurprisingly passionate about this.

10) The answer to the question in the first paragraph is: All of the above except the Tequila-aided Giants celebration.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Mr. Squirrel

PS – Did anyone catch the irony of the “shell” comment in the first line? I thought that was pretty clever. G’night.

-image-Post and Bed

November 23, 2008 | Me,Mr. Squirrel,NaBloPoMo,the homestead

This NaBloPoMo was going fine until we got all sick here at Casa de Squirrel.

Well, Jojo seems to be fairing ok, but The Nugget fusses from his eye infection, sinus infection and bronchitis. Mr. Squirrel feels better today after having a miserable cold yesterday, and I’m sharing The Nugget’s eye infection and bronchitis. Of course, that’s self-diagnosed, as my symptoms came on after returning from the doctor’s on Friday.

Friday evening, despite the Nugget’s diagnosis, Mr. Squirrel and I went out on a date by ourselves. We were testing out a new babysitter (one of the teachers at Jojo’s school). We couldn’t let that availability pass us up, and she insisted she’d be fine with a fussier than usual Nugget.

When Jojo found out Miss R was babysitting, he literally jumped for joy. It was beyond heartwarming. We were only gone for 3 hours (but oh how good three hours alone with Mr. Squirrel can be!), and only went to eat and do some window shopping.

But it was awesome.

When we got home, BOTH children were asleep, and according to Miss R, they were “perfect.” She even washed the dishes.

For $10 an hour, this babysitter far exceeded our expectations, perhaps because the reality of our other babysitter involves only being able to babysit Jojo (the Nugget is too heavy for her to lift) and Jojo dictating to her what he wants done.

The “Other” babysitter adores Jojo, and he her, but she lets him rule the roost and doesn’t know how to say “no.”

She means well, I know she does, but I have to let her go in that capacity. She’s elderly and on a fixed income, so I’m going to continue to have her over, but for dinner with us.

We’ve done that once recently, and it went really well — she gets to see the boys and gets a big warm meal in her. I don’t think she eats well the rest of the week.

I’m so excited Miss R will be able to help out since she’s wonderful with kids and loves our boys. I’m also excited to spend some alone time with the husband. We definitely need to get back into that habit — putting our marriage back towards the top of our priority list.

Hopefully the Nugget will be better tomorrow. That poor little pumpkin is still as sweet as can be even when he feels like the southern end of a northern-bound donkey. Me on the other hand? I’m a big ol’ beyotcha, which is why I’m heading up to bed…because the more sleep, the better for this sicko.

-image-Can I Count that Towards our Medical Flexible Spending Account?

November 22, 2008 | "project!",Me,NaBloPoMo

My hands hurt. I have psoriasis, which causes some nasty patches of dry skin on my hands, knees and back of neck (yeah, I don’t know why). The patches on my knees just look like I spend a lot of time on my knees, which, my husband can tell you, I don’t.

The patch on the base of my neck could be eczema, which I had most of my childhood…maybe it’s the last hangers-on?

But the psoriasis on my hands…damn, that’s some painful stuff.

Yesterday, I had to take the Nugget with me to my doctor’s office to have my hands checked out.

I didn’t think I could last the weekend without some of the skin breaking open and bleeding. It’s happened before. Not pretty.

My dreams of being a hand model have been shattered! Well, it doesn’t help that I chew my fingernails, too. But still. Cross that off my list.

My doctor suggested I SuperGlue my skin together so that the three or four areas which keep cracking open stay closed.

I don’t know. Does anyone see any potential STORY! disasters in that plan?

-image-For moi?

November 21, 2008 | blog business,friends,NaBloPoMo

My good friend Lizzie bestowed upon me a sweet blog award, the PROXIMIDADE ~ a Portuguese saying translating to “This blog invests and believes, in proximity”.

I’ll be honest, I’m not confident that I understand exactly what this means, but I know Liz gave this award to me with goodness in her heart. THANK YOU.

I’d like to share the love and recognize a beautiful and talented woman who always has a kind and supportive word for me.

Even though she lives on the other side of this here United States, her friendship exhibited through her thoughtful comments and emails makes it seem like she’s standing beside me, helping me through the tough days and laughing at with me most other days. Sally, thank you and congratulations on your Proximidade award!

-image-Is that a banana in your pants?

November 20, 2008 | Me,NaBloPoMo

No, actually, it’s on my pants. Yes, this morning I sat in a plate of banana slices and played PlayDoh while the squishy fruit seeped into the ass of my new jeans.

WELL DONE, Stacy.

At least it directed attention away from my unwashed and uncombed hair piled on top of my head.

So I had to change jeans. And do more laundry.

My shirt, unstained and just begging for its own sudsy retreat in the washer, became wet with leaking boob juice — a nice quarter sized spot, which I didn’t notice in time to hide it (with the baby or a Japanese fan) from the remodeler.

I’m hopeless.

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QUESTIONS FOR YOU:

1. Do you want a HollowSquirrel holiday card? Just a reminder to email me if you do at hollowsquirrel at gmail dot com if you do.
2. Have you told me your love/hate of nougat and Nugent for the next quadrant?? HAVE YOU???
3. Which one of ya’ll in a warm climate wants to find Mr. Squirrel a new job? I’ve already got cabin fever.

-image-Things I Don’t Like (and some I do like)

November 19, 2008 | NaBloPoMo,random randomness

In no particular order:

1. The Disney Vault
2. my nursing bras — perhaps it’s my fault I dried them in the dryer or have consumed too many doughnuts recently, but they’re acting (and riding) up and pissing me off
3. how the NPR station is so quiet compared to the rest of the stations
4. how tv commercials are so loud compared to the shows
5. migraines
6. when we get lots of mail but none of it is interesting
7. did I mention migraines? Oh yes, there it is
8. how cracked and dry my hands get in the winter
9. my husband’s early work meetings
10. cleaning
11. high pitched screeching
12. when people hit me/pat me on the head
13. being told to “calm down”
14. nosy neighbors
15. eggplant

I don’t know if you could infer from my list, but I have a migraine. It’s been hanging around since last evening, and let me tell you, migraines make the days just crawl along.

One of my work friends dropped by, bringing yummy foods and restocking our fridge with luncheon meats after I told her how both Mr. Squirrel and I spit out some nasty ham I bought last weekend. How nice is that? She’s the best…the luncheon meat fairy.

Even with the migraine, it was a wonderful visit and I can only imagine how lovely our afternoon would have been had my skull not been throbbing. She didn’t even seem to mind that I hadn’t combed my hair yet or that my sons were screaming and/or leaking eye boogers during her visit.

Also? Big news: our main floor bathroom is almost finished! Now we just need to figure out what color to paint the walls (everything is black and white)…ideas?

-image-Hypothetical FYI for Home Owners

November 18, 2008 | NaBloPoMo,random randomness,the homestead

Should you, hypothetically, be getting some work done on your house and the water needs to be shut off, please remember: you have about one flush enough of water in your toilet tank to use on flushing waste, should you, hypothetically, have to urgently drop a deuce and then you just decide ‘oh I’ll remember to flush when the water is turned back on’ but then you don’t until you hear, hypothetically (of course), the heavy shoes of one of the remodelers wandering into that bathroom to use it.

That, my friends, THAT would be embarrassing, if it were to happen. Thankfully it didn’t. Nope, not to this homeowner! Whew!

So remember: ONE FLUSH, people. Should a courtesy flush be necessary, you can always fill the toilet tank with water (maybe from your Brita pitcher?) to get you an additional flush.

-image-Making a List. Checking it Twice.

November 17, 2008 | holidays,NaBloPoMo

Ordering my Christmas cards turned out to be a lesson in (im)patience and bitterness. I look back on the holiday crabbiness and remember my vow to ORDER EARLY and um, to include my FIL on the list. Oops.

I’m sort of ahead of the game now — Mr. Squirrel and I chose a template, selected the main picture and I even wrote out the message on the inside of the card! Of course, it might need some editing…what do you think (sorry if I’m ruining the surprise)? Sometimes ya just need a fresh pair of eyes (and we all know I only have one, so I really need the help):

Life rocks the casbah up here in Upstate NY! We have a new little bundle of cute thighs named Nugget! Look! He’s super figging cute and don’t you just want to nibble nosh on his legs? Or his cheeks? I know. It’s a toss-up. Then there’s the Jojo. Jojo is three and livin’ large on leftover Halloween candy. Jojo enjoys biking around the neighborhood on his big wheel, working on puzzles and playing with PlayDoh. Mr. Squirrel continues to whack off while Stacy feeds the homeless in her spare time.

I typed it in just like that (but with real names because do you think we’d really name The Nugget The Nugget?) to see if my husband would actually read the message when I asked him to. He did.

In addition to editing the message, I need to update the card list and here’s where you again come into play!

Should you want a Squirrel family Christmas card, please email me at hollowsquirrel at gmail dot com with your address! Foreign friends welcome (I’m looking at you, Jeannette!)! If you’ve moved, please let me know so I can update my list! If you want off the list, well, that’s just rude– just throw the card away and don’t send me one. Don’t ask to unsubscribe. It’s not a frigging newsletter for saint elsewhere’s sake. GOD you’re rude.

Hmmm maybe I need a re-up on my meds. I may have just overreacted to a pretend situation. Interesting. I must tell my therapist.