-image-For moi?

November 21, 2008 | blog business,friends,NaBloPoMo

My good friend Lizzie bestowed upon me a sweet blog award, the PROXIMIDADE ~ a Portuguese saying translating to “This blog invests and believes, in proximity”.

I’ll be honest, I’m not confident that I understand exactly what this means, but I know Liz gave this award to me with goodness in her heart. THANK YOU.

I’d like to share the love and recognize a beautiful and talented woman who always has a kind and supportive word for me.

Even though she lives on the other side of this here United States, her friendship exhibited through her thoughtful comments and emails makes it seem like she’s standing beside me, helping me through the tough days and laughing at with me most other days. Sally, thank you and congratulations on your Proximidade award!

-image-Is that a banana in your pants?

November 20, 2008 | Me,NaBloPoMo

No, actually, it’s on my pants. Yes, this morning I sat in a plate of banana slices and played PlayDoh while the squishy fruit seeped into the ass of my new jeans.

WELL DONE, Stacy.

At least it directed attention away from my unwashed and uncombed hair piled on top of my head.

So I had to change jeans. And do more laundry.

My shirt, unstained and just begging for its own sudsy retreat in the washer, became wet with leaking boob juice — a nice quarter sized spot, which I didn’t notice in time to hide it (with the baby or a Japanese fan) from the remodeler.

I’m hopeless.

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QUESTIONS FOR YOU:

1. Do you want a HollowSquirrel holiday card? Just a reminder to email me if you do at hollowsquirrel at gmail dot com if you do.
2. Have you told me your love/hate of nougat and Nugent for the next quadrant?? HAVE YOU???
3. Which one of ya’ll in a warm climate wants to find Mr. Squirrel a new job? I’ve already got cabin fever.

-image-Things I Don’t Like (and some I do like)

November 19, 2008 | NaBloPoMo,random randomness

In no particular order:

1. The Disney Vault
2. my nursing bras — perhaps it’s my fault I dried them in the dryer or have consumed too many doughnuts recently, but they’re acting (and riding) up and pissing me off
3. how the NPR station is so quiet compared to the rest of the stations
4. how tv commercials are so loud compared to the shows
5. migraines
6. when we get lots of mail but none of it is interesting
7. did I mention migraines? Oh yes, there it is
8. how cracked and dry my hands get in the winter
9. my husband’s early work meetings
10. cleaning
11. high pitched screeching
12. when people hit me/pat me on the head
13. being told to “calm down”
14. nosy neighbors
15. eggplant

I don’t know if you could infer from my list, but I have a migraine. It’s been hanging around since last evening, and let me tell you, migraines make the days just crawl along.

One of my work friends dropped by, bringing yummy foods and restocking our fridge with luncheon meats after I told her how both Mr. Squirrel and I spit out some nasty ham I bought last weekend. How nice is that? She’s the best…the luncheon meat fairy.

Even with the migraine, it was a wonderful visit and I can only imagine how lovely our afternoon would have been had my skull not been throbbing. She didn’t even seem to mind that I hadn’t combed my hair yet or that my sons were screaming and/or leaking eye boogers during her visit.

Also? Big news: our main floor bathroom is almost finished! Now we just need to figure out what color to paint the walls (everything is black and white)…ideas?

-image-Hypothetical FYI for Home Owners

November 18, 2008 | NaBloPoMo,random randomness,the homestead

Should you, hypothetically, be getting some work done on your house and the water needs to be shut off, please remember: you have about one flush enough of water in your toilet tank to use on flushing waste, should you, hypothetically, have to urgently drop a deuce and then you just decide ‘oh I’ll remember to flush when the water is turned back on’ but then you don’t until you hear, hypothetically (of course), the heavy shoes of one of the remodelers wandering into that bathroom to use it.

That, my friends, THAT would be embarrassing, if it were to happen. Thankfully it didn’t. Nope, not to this homeowner! Whew!

So remember: ONE FLUSH, people. Should a courtesy flush be necessary, you can always fill the toilet tank with water (maybe from your Brita pitcher?) to get you an additional flush.

-image-Making a List. Checking it Twice.

November 17, 2008 | holidays,NaBloPoMo

Ordering my Christmas cards turned out to be a lesson in (im)patience and bitterness. I look back on the holiday crabbiness and remember my vow to ORDER EARLY and um, to include my FIL on the list. Oops.

I’m sort of ahead of the game now — Mr. Squirrel and I chose a template, selected the main picture and I even wrote out the message on the inside of the card! Of course, it might need some editing…what do you think (sorry if I’m ruining the surprise)? Sometimes ya just need a fresh pair of eyes (and we all know I only have one, so I really need the help):

Life rocks the casbah up here in Upstate NY! We have a new little bundle of cute thighs named Nugget! Look! He’s super figging cute and don’t you just want to nibble nosh on his legs? Or his cheeks? I know. It’s a toss-up. Then there’s the Jojo. Jojo is three and livin’ large on leftover Halloween candy. Jojo enjoys biking around the neighborhood on his big wheel, working on puzzles and playing with PlayDoh. Mr. Squirrel continues to whack off while Stacy feeds the homeless in her spare time.

I typed it in just like that (but with real names because do you think we’d really name The Nugget The Nugget?) to see if my husband would actually read the message when I asked him to. He did.

In addition to editing the message, I need to update the card list and here’s where you again come into play!

Should you want a Squirrel family Christmas card, please email me at hollowsquirrel at gmail dot com with your address! Foreign friends welcome (I’m looking at you, Jeannette!)! If you’ve moved, please let me know so I can update my list! If you want off the list, well, that’s just rude– just throw the card away and don’t send me one. Don’t ask to unsubscribe. It’s not a frigging newsletter for saint elsewhere’s sake. GOD you’re rude.

Hmmm maybe I need a re-up on my meds. I may have just overreacted to a pretend situation. Interesting. I must tell my therapist.

-image-Our House…in the Middle of the Street

November 16, 2008 | Mr. Squirrel,NaBloPoMo,the homestead

Our street is only three blocks long (or short). It’s a nice tree-lined three blocks with varying houses, all pretty well taken care of.

Two of our neighbors have Competitive Lawn Syndrome, which I find highly irritating. One of these neighbors also suffers from Competitive Driveway Syndrome. I’ll be the first to tell you: I’d eat off his driveway. Honestly, he washes it more often than I clean the floors in my house.

I think both of these men find our yard and driveway to be irritating.

We don’t have high-powered lawn mower and weedwacker. When we bought the house over six years ago, he insisted on buying one of those old school push lawnmowers with the rotating blade. We don’t rake and bag the cut grass. We just let it compost on itself or whatever. I don’t know. All I know is that the blade is set too high, so we have to mow all the time. But Mr. Squirrel likes it because it doesn’t pollute the air or our ears with the noise. There’s nothing like a loud, smelly lawnmower to turn Mr. Squirrel into a grouch.

Our Competitive Driveway and Lawn Neighbor, who is known to be rather crabby himself, stopped by a couple months after we moved in to offer us his used gas lawnmower, as he was buying a new one. I think he thought the new youngins in the neighborhood couldn’t afford a “real” lawnmower. Now he just thinks we’re the new young hippies in the neighborhood.

Then there’s our driveway.

We have the only gravel driveway on the entire three block stretch. Patches of grass (and weeds) split the gravel, so it’s more like a country lane (as my husband describes it), and he loves it. It reminds him of the driveway at his house growing up in rural France. He hates all of the black tar driveways. I can see his point during the summer.

On rainy, icy and snowy days, however, I’d much prefer the blacktop. When it rains, these ridiculously large puddles form in front of our garage doors; so I have to jump to a small dry spot without slamming my face and body into the closed garage door, reach up and hit the door-open button, then manage to either jump back across the puddle or try not to fall into the puddle but stay dry. I’m not skilled.

When it snows, we have to shovel the driveway, and even though it doesn’t look like a long driveway, it actually is when you look at the other garage placements on the street. We don’t have a snowblower (again, too loud & too environmentally unfriendly). Sometimes neighbors blow our driveway for us, but that usually ends after one time when they realize that the gravel kicks up and dulls their blades. Oops. Sorry!

So we end up having to shovel and/or just driving back and forth over the snow to flatten it. But after the first couple of snows, we get lazy, and the driveway turns into two deep, icy grooves, kind of like a double-luge.

It is, in essence, a deathtrap. Just imagine having a toddler and being super preggers trying to waddle down it with a diaper bag throwing your balance off, too. Good times.

As long as I’m pointing out the negative features of a gravel driveway, let me just say that Jojo can’t pedal his tricycle or any of his riding toys on it. I’d really really like to have a smooth driveway next summer, but it probably won’t happen for a while.

In the six years we’ve lived on this street, no one has erected one of those inflatable holiday lawn decorations.

I fear, people, we may be the first. (GASP!)

I know what you’re thinking because I, dear concerned friends, am thinking the same thoughts (jinx!). Mr. Squirrel won’t allow it! It’s tacky and goes against this rural France look he’s going for with the yard!

But listen. I called this a few weeks ago when Mr. Squirrel returned from a trip to Home Depot with little Jojo. Apparently Jojo just loved the Christmas decorations at Home Depot (and, I totally know how starry eyed he gets…when we were in Target last week, he kept repeating “this is soooo beauuuutifuuulllll” in the Christmas section).

I could see the transformation in my husband’s eyes. “He’s considering one of those hideous lawn decorations,” I thought to myself.

So I confronted him on it. He didn’t deny it. In fact, he looked kind of embarrassed, laughed and then admitted that he considered buying one for Jojo. OH MY GOD, people.

With less than 2 months until Christmas, it will take major restraint on his part not to purchase one. What can I do to help ease the pull? I can prohibit Jojo from accompanying his daddy to any store which sells these things. I don’t want to be that house.
I also don’t want to be that house that has to store that deflated plastic mess for 10 months of the year. Space is tight!

What will our neighbors think? lol. I can just imagine.

What do you think — am I being too snotty? Should I just give in and suggest to Mr. Squirrel to go nutso on inflatable lawn ornaments? Will we be starting down a slippery slope to garden gnomes and pink flamingos? I think I’ll just keep my lips zipped and see if he caves. Then I can mock him for it for the next fifty years.

-image-It’s Been 9 Days

November 15, 2008 | Me,NaBloPoMo,trips down amnesia lane

since my last (and first) confession.

It seemed to do you as much good as me (and I don’t think any of you left me for good over it, right?). RIGHT?

Here’s my next confession:

When I was little (maybe 7 or 8), I remember riding home in the back of my parents’ car and looking out the window to the right. In the lane next to our car was a rusty sedan with a full backseat. I could tell three kids sat in the back, but I could only see the boy in the window next to our car.

Then, what I can only describe as a wolf boy leaned forward from the middle seat and looked right at me before sitting back quickly. He didn’t look quite this hairy, dark or old — he seemed more my age, but it all happened so quickly.

I sat shocked, mouth open in the car, as his car pulled ahead of ours. I never saw that car nor that wolf boy again, but I swear on everything I hold dear that I saw a boy afflicted with hypertrichosis and no, it wasn’t Teen Effing Wolf. I think that came out years later.

Does anyone else have weird shit like this happen to them, that you SWEAR happened but you’re kind of scared to admit it because you know others will think you’re crazy?

-image-My Day with The Nugget

November 14, 2008 | Jojo,NaBloPoMo,The Nugget

As you may have read yesterday, today I spent the day with Nugget while Jojo played at school.

This crazy weather allowed us to bask in the late afternoon sun on our ravaged front lawn.

He napped pretty well — something he doesn’t didn’t do at daycare, so that was a relief.

He led me around the house by his uplifted hands; me, bent over and swaying from foot to foot. I might be sore tomorrow, but that’s ok. He was having so much fun ‘walking’ around the house.

During one of his naps, I found yet another time-suck/housecleaning diversion and made you this game of
SPOT THE DIFFERENCES:

You are welcome.

-image-What We Did Today

November 13, 2008 | Jojo,NaBloPoMo,random randomness,The Nugget

Tell me you can top that.

You can’t.

Because what you don’t see is that we also took a trip to Target, smooshed PlayDoh, painted pictures, watched part of Madagascar, ate mac & cheese, partook in the festivities involving the Countdown to Thanksgiving Tree, made Mr. Potato Head look silly, talked about Santa Claus, read many books, built towers, knocked down towers, crashed trucks, played catch, cuddled, and just had an awesome day together.

Nugget, btw, was testing the patience of his daycare providers for the last time.

Tomorrow Jojo heads to daycare/pre-school for the day while Nugget and I spend some quality one-on-one time together.

See those cheeks? They’re alll mine!

Things I know we’ll do: shake and roll toys, sing songs, give hundreds of kisses, wipe copious amounts of snot, make a mess eating, snuggle, cuddle, laugh, smile, nurse and nap.

Maybe tomorrow he’ll crawl forward finally.

Maybe the weather won’t rain on us so we can take a nice long walk together.

Whatever it is, I can’t wait to see what else tomorrow brings…well, as long as it doesn’t start at 5 o’clock in the blessed morning like today.

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If you haven’t provided your opinions on the latest quadrant, please do so now! Don’t get left off the grid.

-image-All Hail the Thanksgiving Tree

November 12, 2008 | "project!",holidays,Me,NaBloPoMo

I blame other blogs. Other crafty blogs with their beautifully photographed, seemingly easy and well-loved crafty projects using leftover Halloween candy. You know who you are.

Anyway, I started out with these simple ingredients to make a Thanksgiving advent calendar-like thingy using just some of our leftover Halloween candy.

I planned to make a smaller version of the awesome TPIR Punch a Bunch board. Unfortunately, I couldn’t fit most of the candies in the cups without crushing them, so I had to modify my plan. I just noticed that you can’t tell from my picture that I have a stack of white paper cups in the upper left of that photo. But I swear, on Hollow Squirrel himself, that those are paper cups.

Thank goodness that same crafty blog had a tree-like hanging candy thingy, so I went with that. When the going got tough, I took the craft in a different direction instead of just shoveling the candy in my complain hole and succumbing to a ginormous crafting shame spiral.

I’m kind of proud of myself for that.

I wrapped up candies and stickers in the different colored tissue paper. I think all in all, I used the equivalent of two sheets of tissue paper. Since I started the project later than planned, I only had to make 17 treats, as at the time, there were 17 days left until Thanksgiving; each treat has a number on it.

The ribbon I had with my other wrapping supplies from IKEA. Oh, and the tree thingy is from Crate & Barrel. It’s just a decorative ornament holder, but it’s perfect for the…Countdown to Thanksgiving Tree:

Give yourself a few minutes to mock my creation. Go ahead. I don’t mind.

Jojo hated it at first.

Maybe it was because the treat he chose (with “17″ on it, as in 17 days until stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, oh my!) brought forth much anger in the little guy. Who knew a Kit Kat could evoke such tears and screaming? Not me.

To me, a Kit Kat elicits drooling and the immediate need to rip off the orange wrapper and go to town on those chocolatey yet crispy numminess…which I did just a few minutes ago. Mmmm KitKat-y.

Once again, I had to think fast to save the Thanksgiving Tree… I wasn’t going to let him kill the tree with his hate. Oh no. I gave up a nap for this tree. DAMNIT YOU’RE GOING TO LIKE THIS THANKSGIVING TREE.

I didn’t say that. I probably didn’t even think it…because I was too busy pulling other distractions out of my ass.

I told him that if he didn’t like the treat that the Thanksgiving tree offered, he could trade it for another (from the STILL big ass bag of leftover Halloween candy “hidden” in our pantry).

He completely bought that (THANK GOODNESS) and chose a boring Hershey bar. WTF? Whose kid is this? I mean, he doesn’t even know yet that you only eat those by first dunking them in peanut butter. I’m not going to teach him that. I do have some shred of intelligence.

So I guess day 1 (or day 17, however you choose to look at it) of the Countdown to Thanksgiving Tree (or Thanksgiving Tree) (or Hot Shiny Mess Tree) (or At Least She Didn’t Bedazzle the Damn Tree) wasn’t a complete disaster.

Day 2/16 went much better. Jojo asked if he could have his treat and then found the number 16 on the candy, which he happily accepted. Whew.

Today was our third day (15 days left! Order your tofurkey now!), and he’s gotten into the groove. He found the 15. He chowed on the candy. And then…

And then he stole mommy’s heart when he proudly and excitedly pointed out the Thanksgiving Tree to our neighbors who stopped by and told them that “mommy made it!”

I was so touched by his enthusiasm that I totally forgot to distance myself from it and blame my husband! Oh Jojo.

I guess next year I’ll need two trees, and I will buy much less candy and more alternative prizes like stickers. As for the unused paper cups, I plan on making a Christmas advent calendar with those…I just have to figure out what to put inside (we need a break from candy).

Any suggestions? Also? If you like Whoppers, I have a ton I’d love to send you.