-image-I should be posting pictures or sleeping

August 30, 2009 | Jojo,The Nugget

Instead, I’ll share with you some songs that my little singer/songwriter Jojo has been performing nonstop for the past week or so.

 First up, from the album entitled “My Mom’s Driving the Bus to Hell,” comes this catchy tune:

“Oh my God, Oh my goodness…” (repeat for infinity, then repeat some more in a sing-songy voice with a sweet smile and batting your eyelashes because you know you shouldn’t be saying “God” and you should be saying “goodness,” and your mom is too tired to interrupt the blatant mockery.)

Second, from the successful follow-up album “Why Does Mommy Always Have Her Head in Her Hands?” is this sharp ditty:

“You’re a bum,

You’re a cunk,

You’re a bummy cunk.”

As with his other songs, the verses are short, so please just repeat them until someone hits you repeatedly with a blunt object.

Or maybe you’ll just need one good swat and be done. Who knows. Just stop. Please. And no, I have no idea what a cunk is, and at least I’m smart enough not to ask. The bum, clearly, is a bum; and we’ve had enough talks lately about not saying “bum” or calling people “bums.”

Now, out of the blue, usually in public, Jojo will helpfully annouce that “we don’t say ‘bum’ or ‘idiot’ anymore.”

Yeah.

I think “cunk,” though came from when he’d forget what “kink” was (as in ‘there’s a kink in the hose’) and he’d yell “KAAAAAAANK!” suddenly and then we’d say, “oh you mean a kink.” But then it was cute, so kinks became kanks and then one day it became kunk, but that wasn’t as funny since it sounds waaay too close to another word.

Nugget, on the other hand, is full of things to say but unable to verbalize them yet. He’s definitely trying and uses kisses and hugs to communicate happiness. Also? the most hilarious grin in the world. Take THIS piece of nuggetness:  I’m still breastfeeding the beast, and he’ll be going, then stop, sit up and kiss me, then go back to it. How sweet is that? Are you there? Did you melt? Because honestly. He’s a love. Of course, he’s a love whose first word will be “bummy cunk” (or first two words).

-image-Hello from the road…again

August 27, 2009 | Uncategorized

Driving back from yet another roadtrip to Michigan, this time with my mom as shotgun instead of Mr. Squirrel. This means fewer threats of “pulling over and stopping the car if the screaming doesn’t stop” and fine I’ll stop screaming. I learned my lesson having had to hitch a ride with Large Marge on the trip here.

Please wish us serenity.

-image-When Will He Learn

August 17, 2009 | Mr. Squirrel

I don’t like discussing politics. I don’t like discussing religion. I’d rather jab a sharp stick in my eye than discuss healthcare reform. PLEASE, dear Mr. Squirrel, ask someone else.

-image-On the Way to the Beach Vacation…

August 13, 2009 | vacation

BEFORE we get to the cute pictures of the kids, I must share with you some of the posted hilarity en route:

Usually, I love to shop, but even this is too much for me. I mean, who wants sugar free fudge ever, let alone with their pepperspray? Personally, I’d pair pepperspray with some crunchy potato chips. Stun guns with shaved ice.

Also? Who spells Woody with an “ie?” I think Woodie might not be so “Big” after all and is using the cutesy spelling to make up for something. Next time I meet someone named Woody, I’m going to ask them if it’s spelled “with an “ie?”

I shudder when people ask me how to spell “Stacy” and say “with an ‘i?’” or even worse “Stacy with an ‘ie?’” Why would you assume that? Do I look like a stripper? DO I?

Note the JellyBelly mascot under the sign– clearly, he thinks the “ie” is ridiculous, too. He probably gets it all the time, too… Jellie Bellie? Seriously.

I found no fun signs in Ohio or Indiana (no surprise there), but then the High Five state supplied with me two signs of awesomeness within a mile of one another:

This town does not go to “11.” Or even ’6′ for that matter. They’re more like a 4. Thankfully, we were just passing through, and lucky for us, we left our Freedom Rock 8-track in the other car.

From the same town: there were eight stop signs at one four-way stop. THEY WANT YOU TO STOP and residents, I think your taxes might be too high. Just a thought.

I had another great sign to show you but then I deleted it accidentally. I had a “Stacie” moment. Damn.

-image-In the Car on a Hot Summer Day

August 12, 2009 | Me,music! music! music!,The Nugget

If there was just a bit more breeze, this comfy, reclined spot in the van might be thee perfect spot to enjoy my husband’s work picnic.

The Nugget is peacefully conked out in his seat, Jojo and Mr. Squirrel just delivered a plate of food to my window, and I’m listening to the soundtrack of Once.

That reminds me…a few months after that movie came out, I was in line at the grocery store behind a college-aged gut who looked like Glen (from Once and well, his life.). So I’m all “you must get laid a lot,” and he’s all “excuse me?” in a sweet way, which just verified my thought.
I didn’t repeat my observation, in case he deemed me a cougar, but seriously.
Ok, we could use some more wind here and maybe a brownie… Where’s the waiter?

-image-This time, it’s personal.

August 11, 2009 | bitterness

The g.d. bat is back. I am so not happy about this.

-image-Chop Suey

August 10, 2009 | random randomness

Back from vacation. I would blog about it, but I feel like it was SO long ago, but eventually I will post some adorable pics. We all enjoyed the break from work of all kinds, listening to the lapping waves of Lake Michigan and playing. Lots of digging. Lots of sand in crevices. Lots of memories.

Now we’re back (for a couple of weeks), and then we’re going to drag and click the kids back into the car for a repeat cross-the-northeast-trip for a wedding. Nugget may revolt. I bought a Barney disc at Target today ($4.75– 24 Barney songs. This could be a mistake.) for him and won 27 (that’s seven and twenty in Pride & Prejudice Speak) Rescue Heroes figurines for Jojo on eBay. I blame the straight Coke I had with lunch. TWENTY-SEVEN ADDITIONAL SUPER HEROES IN MY HOUSE. I would tell you how much I spent, but the really awful truth is that the fucking shipping was more than the TWENTY-SEVEN RESCUE HEROES.

Note: Rescue Heroes is no longer relevant. I don’t know what got into me. Jojo has seen one episode of Rescue Heroes while on vacation and well, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the reunion episode, so he probably won’t recognize a single molded piece of plastic. I’m an idiot.

For those of you on Facebook or following me on Twitter, you may have noticed that there has been some obscenities and freak OUTS owing to a bat invasion in the casa di Squirrel. NOTE TO ALL BATS:  NOT COOL. Stay out! It took 2 days to confirm the removal of the bat, one morning waking up to the upside down flying fanger hanging on our living room window screen. I’d had enough and braved walking within inches of it to close the window, thereby locking it behind the glass.

One of my friend’s husbands came over to remove it, and now I’m at the stage where anger has replaced paralyzing fear. If I see another one in the house, it’s go time. I’m going grab my tennis racquet and remove it myself. Oh yes, I’m going all momma bear on that flying pest.

Speaking of momma bear, this unshowered beast dropped off her eldest cub at playground camp this morning. I finally got around to signing up Jojo for a week-long morning camp at the local elementary school. He suggested going after hearing a couple of his friends had gone and had absolutely no issues saying goodbye to us when we dropped him off with about 100 other children and counselors. He just sat on the curb with his scraped up knees and bulldozer backpack awaiting instructions.

When I picked him up three hours later, he showered Nugget and me with kisses, sported some blue paint on his forehead and enthused that he had a great time. I got a smile and head tilt from the counselor and was promptly told that she had to have a talk with Jojo after he dropped trou and peed on the playground. That boy will drop and pee anywhere. Really, Mr. Squirrel, when you tell Jojo he can pee outside, parameters need to be set. Guidelines. RULES. You cannot just drop and go. Seriously. Ugh.

So then that leaves me and the Nugget for three hours in the a.m. which is just more of me carrying the beast around on my hip. He’s got fluid in the ear and is cranky with an emphasis on the cranky part. It’s like trying to cuddle a badger. And not one of those drunken Wisconsin ones, but like a real ornery badger who hates cuddling.

On the personal front, I keep seeing my therapist running alongside a busy road, so I finally had to look her up on Facebook and ask her to be careful. If her mom wasn’t going to pester her about selecting such a dangerous place to jog, well then I will. Also, I bought kosher salt recently and often refer to needing “a protein” with meals. I’m watching way too much of the Food Network, except that I love it and won’t quit. You can’t make me.

That’s it for now. I’m sort of at a crossroads with the blog. I’ve been thinking about shutting it down, but I really do love blogging. Maybe I should just give up the ads. I get pestered for not blogging enough, and I think I average $3 a month in profits. I could just tell them to go bang themselves off the shelf and blog when I want to (huff!). And then I already jumped on the bandwagon for BlogHer ’10 in NYC, but then do I want the drama? I hate drama. Unless it’s like Felicity-type drama. That’s some good stuff.