Archive for December, 2009
-image-Rocking the Eve, Squirrel Style
Here’s how I roll:
1. Before leaving the town for Christmas, casually talk to a friend about getting together for New Year’s Eve (kids + husbands + low key evening).
2. Go away for a week and don’t email about the plans.
3. New Year’s Eve Eve – email friend about “plans” — suggesting they come over for a very low key evening, even though you just got home from a week away, the 6 hour leg of a long car ride and your house looks like another house exploded inside of it.
4. New Year’s Eve morning — answer ringing phone to find aforementioned friend inviting YOU and your family over for the late afternoon/evening (all the time thinking to yourself, hey, didn’t I invite them over here?? Ask what you can bring, hang up phone, retell story to husband and high five one another all the time thinking to yourself, hey, we just high-fived. Commence shame spiral.)
5. Start feeling bad that you’re a fake-party-thrower and call friend to let her know you’ll be bringing the makings for cheese fondue, but wait! She has the makings for fondue! Because she’s THAT GOOD. Convince her you need a LOT of fondue and chop broccoli (she chopped!) and wash grape tomatoes. You are bringing fondue, damnit, if the last thing you do this year.
6. Drive to friend’s house. Try to get a running start on their icy steep driveway but don’t fully commit the van and shame slide your way down to the cross street where you pull of a whacked parallel park job. Mind you, only one other car parked on entire street.
7. Forget cheese and bread at home.
8. Eat and drink lots and lots of their deliciously prepared food and cocktails. Make sure your kids spill a little of everything a lot of everywhere.
9. Just as it’s time to clean up, pull overtired kids home.
10. Put kids to bed.
11. Put on stretchy fleece pants.
12. Consider charging money for this kind of advice via community education classes in 2010.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:10 pm |
-image-Not Today, Stacy
Dear Tim Allen,
Were you out to dinner tonight with two women? Was that you in the circular booth next to us?
My reputation as a celebrity spotter is on the line.
Yours,
Mrs. Squirrel
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:58 pm |
-image-It’s a Christmas Eve Meme-acle!
Thanks, SJ, for getting me back in the groove, albeit a meme…on the eve before a major holiday…because I hard worker. Merry Christmas lovies!
Eggnog or hot chocolate? Definitely hot chocolate!
Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree? All are wrapped. I don’t even really understand the last part of the question except that thankfully SJ explained that that may happen with larger and/or odd-shaped toys. Got it. You mean I should unwrap my nephew’s big ass Tonka Truck and just put a bow on it…or leave it in it’s frustrating package for my brother to freak out over tomorrow?
Colored lights on a tree or white? Growing up, we had big, colored bulbs, but then those went out of style, and my husband loathes ostentatious holiday displays, so white. I’m kind of done with white, and Jojo loves colored lights, so maybe next year we will go bulbs-out!
Do you hang mistletoe? No. That might involve a nail hole in my ceiling or archway, and that’s a no go.
When do you put your decorations up? Typically the first weekend after Thanksgiving.
What is your favorite holiday dish? My mom is a good cook, so really anything she makes — beef tenderloin and mashed potatoes tomorrow! Can’t wait.
Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? I don’t get that either. What do you do on Christmas then?
Snow: love it or hate it? Oh my…I do not like snow (for the most part). Hate driving in it and having it go up my pant legs.
Can you ice skate? Yes. Toe. Pick.
What is your favorite holiday dessert? I’m a dessert fiend, and every Christmas eve, my parents’ friends come over for dinner. The wife brings a homemade dessert which are always fantastic– tonights was no exception. I also crave my sister-in-law’s peanut butter balls, but she said she didn’t have time to make them this year. Tragic.
What is your favorite holiday tradition? Currently? Matching holiday pajamas for the boys. I could eat them up.
Candy canes: yum or yuck? Yum.
Favorite Christmas show? Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer How can you not love Hermey and Rudolph and that adorable Abominable Snowman? I’m getting misty.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:01 pm |
-image-It’s all relative
A friend told me how surprised she was that her husband returned from a work trip with a gift for her. Not that he hasn’t brought her back something in the past. But he brought her clothing. Hip and expensive clothing.
(side note: when did Lulu make their products available online? This could be trouble.) Back to my point…
Earlier this week, a gift came in the mail for me from Mr. Squirrel to thank me for being supportive over the past few weeks while he’s been working crazy long hours.
It’s not exactly flattering yoga pants, but better than what Mr. Squirrel brought back for me a few years ago from his trip to Boston. Seriously.
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
7:48 am |
-image-He’s ALLLIiIiiiIIIIIIIIIVVVEEE
And he’s taken Nugget hostage.
Please learn this lesson from me: don’t mock the creepy dolls. They will come and put a nasty choke hold on your beloved.
Can someone recommend a good pediatric psychotherapist in the upstate NY vicinity?
Thanks (I think?) to Apryl* for this Very Special Photoshop Job.
Dear International Stalking Police,
I think Apryl lives out west and the creepy Adam doll may have bitten her and infected her with his creepitude thereby rendering her eyes cold and dead although still allowing her to cut and paste most seamlessly. Go git her.
Mrs. Squirrel
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
6:02 pm |
-image-And he’s got a brother!!
AND thank you Amazon.com for now suggesting other creepy dolls for me to haunt my nightmares whenever I shop your site. As if Adam and his cheap shirt and serial killer eyes weren’t enough trauma for one life.
Perhaps you could put a little check box next to items I stumble upon, blog about and openly mock. The check box could say something like “check here if you’re only mocking this item and do not want to be shown similarly hideous items EVER again unless you’re really hurting for a blogging topic, then disregard previous checkmark and throw a little freaky shit my way.”
Posted by Mrs. Squirrel @
10:52 pm |
