-image-Seriously?

March 24, 2010 | I'm an Idiot,Mr. Squirrel,TV/movie addiction

There are certain people in my life that I LOVE making laugh: my dad, my husband, and Poodle, just to name a few.

Yes, getting my kids to laugh is fabulous, but it’s also fairly easy.

When I do get a good, solid laugh from one of the other three, it’s so satisfying that I often can remember the time and place said laugh occurred.

I had a nice string going with my husband wherein whenever he couldn’t remember the name of a person (which happens fairly often), I’d respond in a sinister tone with a made-up name. The same made-up name each time.

It began when he couldn’t remember the name of the Penny’s father, “Charles Widmore,” on Lost.

I came up with what I thought was a moneyed name. Who am I kidding — it’s a perfect blend of old money, privileged upbringing and questionable ethics.

And this is where I should tell you what it is…but I can’t type it out exactly as it because I don’t want the murderer with this name to google himself during some traded-for-cigarettes internet time in the prison library and stalk me. Thanks a lot, endell-Way igelow-Bay for being a murderous asshole.

You ruined my perfectly awesome-o made-up name, husband-laughing joke.

-image-You Overheard it Hear First

March 21, 2010 | Jojo,Mr. Squirrel,Those Pesky Kids

NeighborBoy1: Ok, we’re gonna play kickball. Me and NeighborBoy2 versus Jojo and Mr. Squirrel.

Mr. Squirrel: Kickball? Ok. What are the rules?

NeighborBoy1: It’s kickball.

—–

Mrs. Squirrel: Jojo — do you know what tomorrow is?

Jojo: No.

Mrs. Squirrel: It’s NeighborGirl’s birthday! She’s turning 8!!

Jojo: (with major drama including lip pout) Oh, that’s terrible.

Mrs. Squirrel: Why is that terrible?

Jojo: (sigh…) Because I liked her when she was 7…

(Later in the day…)

Mrs. Squirrel: Jojo, should we make NeighborGirl a card for her birthday?

Jojo: I guess.

Mrs. Squirrel: What do you want it to say?

Jojo: “NeighborGirl, I liked you when you were 7. Love, Jojo.”

-image-Gone All Fancy

March 15, 2010 | I'm an Idiot

A friend gave me a 2-week pass to her gym (subtle, Sandra…thanks). No really, it was sweet of her to share the pilates class love with me.

I’ve gone twice now (in less than a week) — wow! Two times more than I thought I would.

I stepped on the treadmill today. I haven’t been on a treadmill in over 4 years and when did they get all fancy? I actually brought my iPod earbud thingies (not my actual iPod, since I’ve only loaded four songs on it since Christmas), so after a good 20 minutes of not figuring out where to plug the damn things in, the hip young thing next to me finally plugged her own ear plugs in the holey, and I followed suit all “I woulda found it eventually yeah totally.”

So what did I watch? Well, I kind of had to settle on Kell on Earth because I heart reality tv and the episode featured vibrators. Of course, by the time I figured out the sound system, that part was over, so instead I just popped in on the workplace drama, but that’s ok.

I couldn’t do much more channel surfing, because every time I tried to focus on the frigging NASA command center, I lost my balance and gracelessly hopped and skipped back to walking.

I’m going to try for the pilates class on Thursday and hopefully this time I won’t be called out for naughty boys like last week. But overall, the gym is as remembered — my instincts took over and my body guided me to the treadmill next to the girl rather than the man (who would most likely fart and spray sweat on me). It’s still NOT OK to fart at the gym, right? RIGHT?

Men. Seriously. Save it for the car ride home.

-image-Feeeeeeee. Lings.

March 9, 2010 | I'm an Idiot,random randomness

Giddiness: When the garbage collection company drops off a large brand spankin’ new recycling can to replace the (stupid) little, topless makeshift craptacular recycling bins of yesterweek…and (insert happy clappy) it is emptied each and every week! Oh! And! Get this!! No more sorting! Weeeee!

Sadness: Realizing you were really effing giddy about the new recycling can.

Happiness: Having a new friend tell you that you look really young for your age.

Sadness: finally figuring out why the computer sometimes goes all whackaupanddown is because your hefty bosom is resting on the keyboard, and (a) you can’t FEEL that your bosom is pressing keys and (b) you’re ON the keyboard because (1a) you’re blind and leaning close to the screen and (1b) you’re gaining weight.

Irrational Desire: I will never wear this, yet I want it.

Sadness: The reason I’ll never wear that awesome necklace is because I’m too lazy to iron a white cotton shirt that it would look so good paired with.

Annoyance: I still find myself singing “ON THE WINGS OF LOOOVVVEEEEE” thanks to the neverending coverage of Jake and The One He Picked from The Bachelor

Naughtiness: I’m hoping you’ve got that stuck in your brain now, too.

-image-Happy Birthday, Dear Nugget…

March 4, 2010 | The Nugget

I’ve heard people say this for years and have rolled my eyes in annoyance, but since having kids, I think it all the time and try NOT to say it in public, especially around people without children, but hear me roar: the greatest love I’ve ever known is the one I feel for my dearests– Jojo and Nugget.

I thought I knew love. I thought I’d experienced the most bestest, deepest and loveliest love imaginable with Mr. Squirrel, and then, there we went and had two beautiful boys who blew the cap right off the ol’ love-o-meter.

Nugget, I adore you. I love your “chop-chops,” cries for MIMI, how you want no one but me when you first wake up, how you ask for “Daddy Kiss” before going to bed, how you sweetly kiss anyone looking sad or hurt, the way you walk in boots, your chunky biscuits, how you “ding-dong” bellybuttons, that you laugh at your own jokes and that you absolutely love your big brother. The list could go on. I could type all day, but then I wouldn’t be able to cuddle and play with you.

Happy birthday, my big, beautiful, kind, smart and funny 2 year old.

-image-If I Were a SuperHero Today…

March 1, 2010 | Uncategorized

I would be Super Bitch! Quick to anger! Able to find irritation in the littlest sweet things. She sees even the tallest and fullest glass as dirty and so full of liquid suck it should be shot and buried.

blahblah bitchity blah.

Here’s hoping I retire this cape after a good night of sleep.