-image-It’s Been Five Blogiful Years!

December 26, 2010 | blog business,holidays,trips down amnesia lane

Happy blogiversary to meeee, happy blogiversary to meeee…
Happy FIVE YEARS OF VENTING and posting pictures of my adorable kids…
happy blogiversary to me.

I’m accepting gifts of the wooden variety. I prefer the traditional gift suggestions rather than the modern.

I mean, are they SERIOUS about a desk set for the 7th anniversary? Would thought up that? I’m guessing my old boss from my work in the corporate gifts world. May he suggest an engraved brass plaque on the front? Because that’s so what every person wants…to bludgeon themselves with.

I digress. It’s what I do. And let’s face it, you want me to digress and blast off some crazed obscenities about a perceived injustice. I began my blogging days bitching, and really, what a sage post that twas. I may have a few new suggestions/life rules to add, such as “call your children and grandchildren on Christmas, especially when you send nothing for them…possibly when your histrionic alcoholic shrew-wife passes out, then she won’t give you the silent treatment for a week, although if I lived with her, my goal would be silent treatments.” While that might not apply to everyone, I think one can pull some applicable tips for ones own lives from it. Such as: lower your expectations of your father-in-law.

Thank you for always having my back, supporting me when I’m down and never making me feel guilty for a poorly worded post or lack of postings. Thank you for your feedback and your friendship.

I’ve changed from being a new mom to being a part-time working mom to being a mom of two to being a mom of two who has an obsession with crafting and Veronica Mars. Note to self: crafting of Veronica Mars… oh the possibilities.

Who knows where the next year, let alone 5, will bring. Thank you for reading!

Keep reading or the blogger gets markered…and it’s permanent.

-image-Merry Christmas!

December 25, 2010 | holidays

If you don’t celebrate Christmas, let me wish you a HAPPY SATURDAY and HOPE YOU DON’T NEED GROCERIES TODAY BECAUSE YOU’RE OUT O’ LUCK!

So glad I realized I would need Diet Coke today yesterday because it could have gotten all non-Christmas-spirit-y around 11:00 in the a.m.

As it were, a certain Jojo awakened us at 3:30 to see if it was time to open presents. Nope, not at 5:30 either.

We managed to put him off until 6:45, and then poor little slumbering Nug had to be all Jojo-clocked out of bed. He perked up rather slowly and steadily (that does win present race, after all). Or maybe it was the breakfast of runny snot (the kid loves snot. the mom doesn’t like to dry heave. it’s not a good fit.)

SO it’s a Merry One over here for the most part — sure, there’s the occasional fight over the new toys and finding out that Don’t Break the Ice could have easily been named The Migraine Maker (ok, fine, that probably wouldn’t sell as well).

Hope yours is full of awesome delights and much merriment! See you tomorrow on my 5 year Blogiversary!

-image-DB Spotting: Vegas-style

December 24, 2010 | bitterness,holidays

So some supreme asshat stole all the carefully wrapped and labeled presents out of the box I mailed very well in advanced to my nephew in Las Vegas. They left the big cardboard box, which, if brought inside my brother-in-law’s house could still make for a fun Christmas morning, because we all know most kids play more with the box. BUT STILL.

I’m pppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddddddddddddddddd off. Every time I feel the twinge of holiday glee and anticipation, I think of my sister-in-law opening an empty box or my nephew feeling like we forgot him.

Someday the person who committed this Grinch-like crime will suffer, and they’ll wonder why, and they’ll most likely really wonder. Because they don’t understand that they’re, at their core, evil and deserved of oozing sores and a lifetime of shopping at WalMart while Kenny G blares in the background.

-image-Worst Christmas Carol Ever. Period.

December 20, 2010 | bitterness,Mr. Squirrel,TV/movie addiction

I wish I could remember which Christmas carol it is, exactly, but I’m pretty sure little Michael Jackson is on it with some other “famous” singers of the time…but if I can describe it right, you’ll know. And then we can begin a campaign to buy the rights to this horrific song and prevent it from ever being played again, because honestly, I heard it twice yesterday and both times it evoked such an immediate and harsh response that I wasn’t able to talk about anything else other than its complete and utter WHATTHEFUCKNESS for like an hour.

Kind of like whenever Mr. Squirrel and I watch The Mentalist and I just don’t GET the casting of Agent Lisbon. Terrible actress and completely unbelievable as the head of her department. Actually really difficult for me to look at…I know, not very nice. But I must know, do you think she’s attractive? You really have to see her in action. It’s mind-boggling. I realize not everyone is attractive (hi, have you seen me?) and not every tv show character needs to be or should be attractive. BUT SERIOUSLY.

Where was I? Oh yes, this Christmas carol where, I swear, someone recorded a very hungover Brian Keith after forcing him to say his lines (and yes, this “singer” just says the words without much feeling or melody) with a mouthful of ass marbles. Don’t be fooled — I heart Uncle Bill. I don’t appreciate this analogy any more than you do. It’s not me. It’s the evil song…although I do really like Little Michael Jackson’s part. So maybe once I buy the song, I can edit out the creepy talking Brian Keith-esque person and just little to Little Michael Jackson.

I’m having an audiovision that it’s Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and a very quick and inshalloweth search says the Jackson Five (hi Tito!!) sang it, but then who let Uncle Bill in to garble mid-song? I’m so confused.

Glad I could succinctly discuss my irritation with you. Good day.

-image-It Could be Worse

December 16, 2010 | "project!",holidays,I'm an Idiot,Jojo

I overhead Jojo, my five year old, telling a story to my husband using my yadda-yadda filler, “and meow-meow-meow” before finishing his riveting tale of robots learning how to paint.

And least he’s not repeating my “holy shitballs!” I yelled at a bad motorist the other day.

In other news, I’m busily addressing holiday cards, trying to ascertain which “main address list” to use from the THREE in my house (main computer, laptop, and hardcopy). Seriously. A little prep next time, self.

Also, I can’t stop crafting. Like I have a problem. And they’re not Martha-esque (check out these precious gingerbread men dolls…ahem).

If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you may have seen some of the *treasures* and remember that should I magically gain some motivation in the future, attempt to start my own version of Etsy called Crapsy (for crappy homemade stuff!). I know. Sign up now. I’ll post some more pics soon. You guys will be fighting over Mr. Squirrel’s T-Rex…yeah, the disease has infected him, too.

-image-Spot the Dicksicle.

December 2, 2010 | random randomness

While making lunch the other day, my eldest angel decided to take apart his workbench.

It’s still in shambles, and the interest in rebuilding it flew away with our missing Elf (Not) on the Shelf.

Does anyone else notice a strange shape on the back of the toolbench?

And by “strange” I totally mean penis popsicle (aka The Dicksicle).