-image-Contest 5 Winner!

May 11, 2008 | Baby Making, Me, holidays

Well, you guys crapped the bed on that one. Seriously, do you really think I’d want to be named Jinger or were you trying to be funny?

If I were a Duggar girl, for the best name and family position, I’d want to be Jennifer. She’s currently the baby and doesn’t have to cook for the entire family or babysit. Score. Not a one of you picked it. Snap!

If I were a Duggar boy, I’d want to be Josh. Or James. I really couldn’t decide, but that’s ok because Audrey (!) chose Joshua James. I’m not sure I’d go for the that combo (my LANDS people, give the poor little letter J a break)!

We don’t need the tie-breaker this time, but you guys all underguessed The Nugget’s 2 month weight! He’s a hefty 14lb, 6oz — 95th percentile. You should seeee the thighs. Oh they’re munchable.

Congrats AUDREY for your big win! I hope you all enjoyed the Mother’s Day Mother of All Holiday Contestaganza … there may be just one more in my pocket. Stay tuned!

-image-it’s about time

April 1, 2008 | Baby Making, a girl's gotta shop

Anyone with kids probably could see this coming…how could the Gap not make a nursery/decor line? Must. Not. Purchase. Superfluous. Cute. Stuff.

Must. Resist.

Someone please come hide my credit card.

-image-RETURN OF THE TRI-NIP

March 13, 2008 | Baby Making, Me

Remember THIS? No? Well, it’s back and leaking precious breastmilk everywhere.

I think I must have repressed (like other things with pregnancy) the true shittiness of breastfeeding. Ok, I do remember the latch-on and how painful it was for ME. For me…maybe for you breastfeeding was dreamy and rosy and GOOD FOR YOU! Consider yourself exceedingly lucky. But for me? Holy butt. But I vowed to perservere…until the engorgement took over and turned me into Dolly Parton sans volumnious hair. And vocal talent. Or friendship with The Gambler. I digress.

Oh engorgement…I forgot just how greatly you frigging HURT. Damn you. I tried the cabbage leaves, and that helped a bit. I even pumped a bit because MY LORD the ladies almost shot straight off my chest and sprayed milk like some special effect from The Departed. which coincidentally features a star blessed with trinipness, too!

One of my friends gave me some extra gel pads which she used during her first bout with breastfeeding and lo mein, do those work. Of course, they don’t sell *that* brand at Target, so I bought some second-rate gel pads and now, well, I’m out. But the engorgement has passed, the let-down feels less blechy than before, and now I’m just back to the painful latch-on. Ahhh…

Yup. So what were we talking about? Right. I need to go to bed. I’m not sure how much I’ll actually be able to post/blog in the coming weeks…obviously, things have changed. Sigh.

So you’re not scarred with my TripleNippleness…here’s yet another squishy pic of brotherly love

The brotherly love continues… and the new introduction of defying mommy and daddy, refusing to stop yelling and kicking the walls during nap/nighttime and … my favorite … just NOT NAPPING. FLIPPITY FLAP (that’s my way of not saying FUCKITY FUCK). Got it? Ok.

Off to raise the top of vasectomies with Mr. Squirrel…(NOT that I don’t lurve my babies…but Two is Enough…that’s my life in a sitcom title). Well, two bouts of wicked breastfeeding and sleep deprivation…that’s enough.

-image-Sorry for the delay…

March 7, 2008 | Jojo, Baby Making

I’ve been a tad busy, ya know, kissing my new little nugget of love, trying to find time to play with my buttery toddler, suffering several emotional breakdowns each day, cursing my nipples and any one daring to tell me that “he must be latched on wrong!” or anyone who promised that breastfeeding this time around would be way easier. YOU’RE WRONG.

Ahem. So let’s move onto fabulous pictures:

This, my loves, is 3 day old Ollie (and just so ya know, Oliver is NOT the name we chose. I’m just trying to soothe the now strained relationship between one certain guest blogger who came very close to launching a petition to demand our secondborn be named Oliver). You do know Jojo’s name isn’t Joseph or John or anything with a “J,” right? Oh, sorry to spoil the dream…

If you think I’m mean for not telling you my sons’ real names, karma just tore some stitches open by throwing a coughing fit my way. So, trust me. You win.

Here’s my nugget looking skeptical (in his sleep)…unconscious skeptism– the worst kind. I think he may be plotting an escape.

If you had any doubt as to my status on delivery drugs, check out this photo snapped about an hour after delivery, when Jojo and grandma made it up to the room. That little green thing on my shoulder? Oh, it’s part of the epidural doohickie. The manic smile? Part relief that I’m FOREVER DONE DELIVERING BABIES THROUGH MY VAGINA and big ass part seeing Jojo. I missed him that entire day and could NOT wait to see him after the delivery…to see him interact with Ollie.

Here’s a nice, drugged out pic of me on Tylenol with codeine. I took 2 (not at a time). Then I realized I could never open my eyelids fully and looked like I felt…mellow. But hi. We be lounging…

Now…prepare your heart to melt. May I present, Jojo and Ollie…together at last:

The entire Squirrel family thanks you for your support and enthusiasm over the course of the pregnancy. Big squishy hugs to you all.

-image-delicious baby

March 5, 2008 | Baby Making

-image-welcome to the world Ollie!

March 4, 2008 | Grateful Tuesday, Baby Making

Well, how’s this for technology failing at critical times? It’s 9:00pm and I JUST got Stacy’s messages sent via contraband/BlackBerry.

Also, I was so anxious and worried for the delivery of Baby Ollie that I vacuumed my whole apartment AND mopped my kitchen floor. For those of you that know me–and those of you that can imagine…that’s some serious anxiety. Blasted technology making me CLEAN.

11:19 AM: Ouch ouch ouch don’t let me get pregnant again. Contractions suck ass.

1:00 PM: Epidural. The itching is driving me nuts. Doc broke my water at 12:25 and Mr Squirrel had me laughing so hard on the way to the bathroom that I was gushing water in spurts. Lovely.

4:02 PM: 7cm dilated

4:15 PM: 10cm getting ready to push! [[editorial note: holy f*ck… you blew open to 10 cms in 13 minutes? Dude, your cervix is my hero!]]

5:06 PM: Baby Ollie born at 4:45 pm — 8 lbs, 7 oz and 20-1/2 inches long. 15 minutes of pushing. MUCH easier than with Jojo.

Mother and baby are resting comfortably and Ollie is reportedly nursing well and sleeping on his Mommy’s chest.

Congratulations to the entire Squirrel family…from your ginormous Interweb family.

-image-birth day

Baby Making

5:00PM update:
No news.
Y’all, put yer bells on and do some birthing dances for our Mrs Squirrel. Perhaps we can time a group yell “Come out! Come out! Come out little Oliver!” Okay, everyone synchronize their watches [man, I just realized how much I’ve always wanted to say that. For reals.] for 5:30pm EST…and send those good, strong pushing vibes towards the greater Upstate New York area.

*****

Noon-thirty update:
We’re back from our party and Henry is napping. Wish I could say the same for Mrs Squirrel, who reported at just about 10am:

Pitocin up to 30 milliunits which means I’m starting to feel like ass. Doc expects to break my water around lunchtime. I’m starving!!!!! Seriously need a burrito.

*****

9:00AM, inaugural Cletus Birth update:
I’m tempted to start quoting The Beatles and go all “You say it’s your birthday, wannnanannnanannnanah” but I’m tone deaf, so I’ll spare you.

It’s Lizzy, you know…from hilarities ensue. And I’ll be semi-live blogging for Mrs Squirrel today….her second son’s birth day.

I received the following transmission around 8:00 this morning, shortly before those hospital nazis required the powering down of a certain Squirrel’s Blackberry:

Emailing u from the bathroom before I have to turn off my blackberry. The fucking IV hurt like a mofo and after several unsuccessful attempts, another nurse had to take a stab at my other arm. Good times. I’m reconsidering this whole labor thing… I don’t think I want the pain. Any ideas??? Starting pitocin soon. Trying to poop now so I don’t do it on the table — tmi? Jojo at home with grandma. No decisions on name. More news later!!!

Watch this space for updates throughout the day. But be warned, Mrs Squirrel is under strict instructions NOT to deliver The Baby I Shall Call Oliver Because She Hasn’t Named the Kid Yet until after 12:00 noon, because Henry and I have a birthday party to attend this afternoon and won’t be home until said time.

-image-Cletus’ birth weight — a game…

March 2, 2008 | Baby Making

involving my future sex life.

The induction is scheduled for Tuesday morning, peeps, so if you haven’t gotten your guess in, do so now in the comments section:

But let’s see where we’re at with guesses (and YES, you can pick the same as someone else…we’ll just randomly choose a wiener!):

SEVEN POUNDERS
7.1 - Sugar Tits
7.5 - Marilyn
7.8 - Liz
7.9 - Poodle
7.11 - Kasey
7.14 - Jeannette

EIGHT POUNDERS
8.0 - Jessie
8.1 - Denise
8.2 - Jennifer
8.26 - velocibadgergirl
8.3 - Laura
8.4 - Kristabella
8.4 - Sandy
8.5 - Steph T
8.6 - Jill
8.7 - Becca
8.8 - Erin
8.8 - Stephanie
8.8 - Anth
8.9 - Nic
8.9 - Rachel
8.10 - whiterabbit
8.10 - alyndabear
8.11 - Heidi
8.12 - SJ
8.13 - Michelle Z
8.14 - Carrisa
8.14 - Daisy

NINE POUNDERS
9.0 - CPAMom
9.2 - Julie
9.2 - Sallyacious
9.3 - Susan in va
9.3 - Audrey
9.36 - Keri
9.4 - Jackie
9.5 - Frema
9.7 - Liza
9.11 - Liz

TEN+ POUNDERS (aka People Who Really Don’t Like Me)
10.0 - Maria
10.2 - Isabel
15.3 - Operation Pink Herring

Why aren’t I sleeping? I’ll be kicking myself for this in a couple of days.

-image-Conversations

Jojo, Mr. Squirrel, Baby Making, Me

Between Jojo and himself:

“I tooted. (then counting on fingers…) One toot. Two toot. Two tootses.”

Between Mrs. and Mr. Squirrel:

On the way out of the house this morning to run errands…
Me: We don’t need to go to Target, right?
Mr. Squirrel: No, I don’t think so.

On the way out of Target later this morning, $308 poorer…
Me: How did that happen?
Mr. Squirrel: I don’t know…um, do we need to stop at Babies R Us, too?
Me: OH MY GOD, NO!!! Let’s just stop now.

Between Mrs. Squirrel and You, Kind Reader:
Me: I’m getting induced Tuesday morning.
You: Holy shitballs, woman.
Me: Yes indeed.

-image-Counter UGH post: Awwwww….

February 29, 2008 | Baby Making, The Office

Just after I posted the bitter post of yesterday, the receptionist at work phoned to ask if I’d come out to see her.

I sashayed weeble-wobbled out there to find a big box from The Children’s Place and a monstrously adorable baby gift bag! For me! She explained that D, one of the work study students, had a gift for me (super cute and cuddly outfit from The Children’s Place…even I don’t spend $$ there…and she’s a student! How thoughtful is that?). I started tearing up.

Then J, our receptionist, who also shouldn’t be going around buying us presents eagerly told me to open up the gift bag she got for me…which overflowed with adorable receiving blankets, onesies, socks, leggings and theeee cutest handmade fleece blanket that’s turquoise with dinosaurs. Roar! I love it.

I may have cried when I returned to my office. Cuz how sweet is that?

=====

Also in response to my previous rant, I tried contacting our high school-aged babysitter about watching Jojo this Saturday. He sent me an email that made me cry because he’s the nicest kid and a great sitter, being the oldest of FIVE boys, he’s had some experience with boys (more than me!). Here’s his email to me:

Hi Stacy,
Great to hear from you! I’ve been very busy and stressed this school year, junior year is horrible. Congratulations on baby number 2! Unfortunatly I’m not available this Saturday, my aunt is moving on Saturday, and I need to help her move. Sorry for the inconvenience. Starting mid march I will be available alot more often for baby sitting if you and (Mr. Squirrel) ever need a sitter. My number is still the same, xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Thanks and sorry,
A

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Triple Aww action: Heather B will babysit Jojo on Saturday! THANK BE TO B (OF THE HEATHER VARIETY)!! How awesome is she? I owe her big time and pray she doesn’t compare my messy house, messy appearance, messy child, and un-gourmet fridge to that of her other bloggy friend…

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Continuing on the theme of turning UGH to AWWWW… so yesterday, after lunch, I returned to my big ol’ office, which, you may remember, I share with 4 other women (all grad students). The door was shut, but when I opened it…there they all were yelling SURPRISE! They threw me a surprise baby shower — complete with Dunkin Donuts, ice cream and presents. I was TOTALLY shocked, and they thought for sure I knew. Uh, hello, I’m clueless. Isn’t that the sweetest? The baby scored some adorable onesies, outfits, bath toys and other baby cuteness. I was so touched by their thoughtfulness. And then the questions started… H began, with questions about the placenta (she recently saw a video and just didn’t realize how BIG and SCARY it is)… it was hilarious. We all shared placenta lore. Good times over doughnuts and muffins!

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One last story, and it’s not really “awwww” worthy, but it’s funny and I forgot to tell you how dumb I’m getting. Oh yes, and I’m blaming the pregnancy. That and my hair suddenly shedding everywhere. But first.

So, for those of you who haven’t been pregnant, let me tell you, EVERY SINGLE visit to the OB starts off with a trip to the bathroom for a urine specimen. I’ll be the first to tell you, peeing into a cup successfully (providing enough sample while not pissing on my hand) is something I”ve struggled with for decades. Is it just me? I don’t know, but honestly, what’s going ON down there? It’s like friggin Plinko, with the pee being the disk jumping around, not hitting the million dollar mark. Frustrating and embarrassing. But, I usually manage to get a bit in there for them to test.

But on Monday, I was out of it. I had to pee sooo badly by the time I got to the office, which is 5 minutes from my house, and I went to the bathroom RIGHT before I left, too. Good times. So I stomp upstairs, head into the bathroom, plunk my large buttocks on the can and sigh. And pee. Pee, glorious pee… until I jump start awake to remember that I’m there to PEE IN A CUP, yet I have no cup. I’m just enjoying a nice pee. DAMNIT! How embarrassing.