-image-Hi. I’m Stacy. Meet my subconscious.

June 30, 2008 | Mr. Squirrel, Me, random randomness

I dream a lot. I have crazy dreams. I can usually remember parts of my nightly dreams, which I retell to my stunned husband who, sadly, cannot remember his own dreams unless they’re unusually terrifying or funny…like the time he led a group of superheroes called the Fast Action Response Team. Oh yes, he led the FARTs. Apparently their capes had the little cartoon fart cloud on them.

But back to me.

Last night in my dream, I published a book called “The 7 Beers I Brought to Heaven.” I’m pretty sure I stole from this book. But whatever. It’s a dream. I couldn’t help myself.

When I told Mr. Squirrel about it, he deadpanned, “You’re assuming you’d get into heaven?”

Point, Mr. Squirrel.

When I scoffed at him, he then asked what beers I would bring.

Corona (with lime), duh. I mean, that’s basically all I like. So then what? Doesn’t heaven already have beer waiting? Would they have lime, or would I have to substitute one of my seven beers for the lime? Seven beers ONLY or seven kinds of beer during my stay? How long will I be staying? Are all the beers for me or can I distribute? I could bring Mr. Squirrel some Guiness. I don’t really like beer, except for the occasional Corona, so can I bring iced tea (with lemon)? Diet Coke? What’s the beverage situation in heaven, anyway? I mean, if there’s only water available, I’ll need to bring some lime-flavored seltzer, too.

And then Mr. Squirrel interrupted my ramblings, kissed me and left for work. I guess he didn’t want to delve into this too deeply before 8am. Hmpf. See if he gets any Guiness!

Do you think there’s a big ol’ beverage bar in heaven? Perfectly brewed unsweetened iced tea with free lemon wedges? Diet Coke? Diet Dr. Pepper? If you had to pick one beverage (let’s assume plain water is available) to go with you into the sweet hereafter, what would you take? Yes, one. I only get to take seven. I mean, it’s my book people.

-image-Next Stop: Top Chef

May 26, 2008 | Uncategorized, Me, random randomness

I wowed you all with my chocolate chip cookies soup, but can I just tell you how damn tasty my latest pairing is?

Picture this: Oatmeal Teddy Grahams + Nutella = Large But Happy Ass.

Oh yes, I’ve put away half a jar of Nutella and almost an entire box of the Grahams today. I need to stop. When Mr. Squirrel reaches for the Nutella tomorrow morning, what he finds (or doesn’t find) will surely alarm him. My addiction is so bad that I strongly considered NOT telling you about the Win a Case of Nutella giveaway. Sad and selfish.

Are there any treats/sweeps you’re not sharing in hopes of bringing home the prize? Fess up, people.

-image-Tell me I’m gross.

May 12, 2008 | Me, random randomness

Does anyone else ever make a 1/2 dozen chocolate chip cookies, then slide them off the hot pan into a bowl, pour milk over the cookies and eat them with a spoon? 6 cookies. 6 fatty cookies.

I feel kinda yucky.

-image-Contest 5 Winner!

May 11, 2008 | Baby Making, Me, holidays

Well, you guys crapped the bed on that one. Seriously, do you really think I’d want to be named Jinger or were you trying to be funny?

If I were a Duggar girl, for the best name and family position, I’d want to be Jennifer. She’s currently the baby and doesn’t have to cook for the entire family or babysit. Score. Not a one of you picked it. Snap!

If I were a Duggar boy, I’d want to be Josh. Or James. I really couldn’t decide, but that’s ok because Audrey (!) chose Joshua James. I’m not sure I’d go for the that combo (my LANDS people, give the poor little letter J a break)!

We don’t need the tie-breaker this time, but you guys all underguessed The Nugget’s 2 month weight! He’s a hefty 14lb, 6oz — 95th percentile. You should seeee the thighs. Oh they’re munchable.

Congrats AUDREY for your big win! I hope you all enjoyed the Mother’s Day Mother of All Holiday Contestaganza … there may be just one more in my pocket. Stay tuned!

-image-Out of Office Assistant, Enabled

April 15, 2008 | Me, random randomness

Thank you for visiting www.hollowsquirrel.com. I will be unable to post while my parents are visiting, even though they’re here and have been since last Friday and, obviously, I’m posting.

But you know what I mean, right? I can’t really delve into the deep topics (baby poop, people who piss me off, Matthew Fox) with the same intensity and poor sentence structure I usually manage while they’re over my shoulder or peppering me with questions or wanting to go for walks out in the sunshine. Sheeeesh.

In the meantime, chew on this: my mom brushed the Nugget’s hair into a wickedly soft looking fauxhawk (adorable!) and Jojo has taken to digging holes in the front yard and trying to pee on the potty as much as possible in order for mommy to buy him the Jesse and Bullseye dolls.

Promising a toddler a beloved “big prize” (his words) for potty training has backfired…or maybe I’m just not doing an adequate job explaining the delayed gratification concept to Jojo.

-image-Mother of Two

April 6, 2008 | Jojo, Mr. Squirrel, Me, The Nugget

Poor Buzz Lightyear…he’s feeling a little left out of the family.

Otherwise, as a month quickly passed, I’m happy to report life with three boys, overall, rocks. Weekends when Mr. Squirrel is home are so much fun, filled with pancake breakfasts and lots of chases (around the yard or house, depending on this unpredictable weather). Today, we’ve chased both inside and out. Jojo helped with yardwork (no, really, he did) and the Nugget held court on the front porch in his car seat while my husband and I cleaned up sticks and leaves.

I’m certain The Nugget completes the family circle Mr. Squirrel and I chose to create. I’ll be boxing up the remains of my maternity clothes for my local friends and storing them until they’re needed elsewhere. I should probably begin my PowerPoint presentation selling Mr. Squirrel on a vasectomy very soon.

Glad to hear no one is throwing a stink about me changing the new one’s cybername to The Nugget. Thanks for understanding!!

-image-Mastitis blows

March 31, 2008 | bitterness, Me, friends, Ollie

Yesterday, after an excrutiating latch-on in the backseat of our minivan and noticing that despite the 70 degree temp in our house, my teeth chattered relentlessly…not to mention the painful red boob, body aches, and fever, I realized I may have mastitis. Oh yes, I do.

Last night, Ollie didn’t sleep at. all. I didn’t sleep at. all. Do you know what the number one recommendation to relieve/cure mastitis is? Cut off your boobs? Right. Yes, but second? Sleep. Right…good one. Oh that was funny. I’m slapping my knee. Can ya hear it?

This morning, I could barely walk without stumbling or talk without interjecting something nonsensical. Mr. Squirrel “couldn’t” take the day off (bitter? yes.), so I begged a couple friends to take Jojo so I could focus on painfully feeding, then pumping then trying to subdue the SCREECHING infant formerly known as “he really only cries when he’s got gas.” Yeah, I should just shut my mouth.

My neighbor called right after my friend, Nic, offered to take Jojo, so my neighbor took Jojo to Nics, then picked him up from there after lunch and kept him at her house until after 5pm. Of course, Mr. Squirrel came home early (2pm…some redemption on his part), but he assumed Jojo was napping in his room, not running rampant at our neighbor’s house (see…I was FINALLY asleep).

Anyway, I have an antibiotic (1 down…39 to go– let’s hope it kicks in IMMEDIATELY), am drinking fluids like a maniac (who enjoys drinking lots of water and apple juice) and am now off to bed. If this mastitis turns into an abcess, I’m giving up the breastfeeding, cuz draining pus from my boob sounds like a good quitting point.

My milk supply is noticeably dwindling anyway, which I’m rather annoyed with, since despite the pain, I’ve been nursing on the affected boob and pumping afterwards to drain it completely. Left boob, you’re letting me down.

My friends, on the other hand, are stepping up and being nothing less than I expected — fantastically supportive and assuming the role of ‘family.’ I love you guys.

-image-I have a new haircut.

March 22, 2008 | Me

I had to do something about my crazy-growing bangs, so I scheduled an appointment with my fabulously hilarious hairdresser.

I was really tired and sick of not having the energy to blow it dry, so I got a short cut.

No really, I did. I’ll post a picture tomorrow after I wash and “style” it. I don’t really “style” my hair, so that just means “use a round brush when blowdrying then maybe wipe some spit on it to keep the flyaways down.”

In the meantime, I kind of look like this, but without that freshly washed looked. I also don’t have a nice shirt on…mine has a trail of spitup down the left shoulder and big dried dollops of guacamole smack dab in the middle of my faded black shirt. hott.

-image-RETURN OF THE TRI-NIP

March 13, 2008 | Baby Making, Me

Remember THIS? No? Well, it’s back and leaking precious breastmilk everywhere.

I think I must have repressed (like other things with pregnancy) the true shittiness of breastfeeding. Ok, I do remember the latch-on and how painful it was for ME. For me…maybe for you breastfeeding was dreamy and rosy and GOOD FOR YOU! Consider yourself exceedingly lucky. But for me? Holy butt. But I vowed to perservere…until the engorgement took over and turned me into Dolly Parton sans volumnious hair. And vocal talent. Or friendship with The Gambler. I digress.

Oh engorgement…I forgot just how greatly you frigging HURT. Damn you. I tried the cabbage leaves, and that helped a bit. I even pumped a bit because MY LORD the ladies almost shot straight off my chest and sprayed milk like some special effect from The Departed. which coincidentally features a star blessed with trinipness, too!

One of my friends gave me some extra gel pads which she used during her first bout with breastfeeding and lo mein, do those work. Of course, they don’t sell *that* brand at Target, so I bought some second-rate gel pads and now, well, I’m out. But the engorgement has passed, the let-down feels less blechy than before, and now I’m just back to the painful latch-on. Ahhh…

Yup. So what were we talking about? Right. I need to go to bed. I’m not sure how much I’ll actually be able to post/blog in the coming weeks…obviously, things have changed. Sigh.

So you’re not scarred with my TripleNippleness…here’s yet another squishy pic of brotherly love

The brotherly love continues… and the new introduction of defying mommy and daddy, refusing to stop yelling and kicking the walls during nap/nighttime and … my favorite … just NOT NAPPING. FLIPPITY FLAP (that’s my way of not saying FUCKITY FUCK). Got it? Ok.

Off to raise the top of vasectomies with Mr. Squirrel…(NOT that I don’t lurve my babies…but Two is Enough…that’s my life in a sitcom title). Well, two bouts of wicked breastfeeding and sleep deprivation…that’s enough.

-image-Conversations

March 2, 2008 | Jojo, Mr. Squirrel, Baby Making, Me

Between Jojo and himself:

“I tooted. (then counting on fingers…) One toot. Two toot. Two tootses.”

Between Mrs. and Mr. Squirrel:

On the way out of the house this morning to run errands…
Me: We don’t need to go to Target, right?
Mr. Squirrel: No, I don’t think so.

On the way out of Target later this morning, $308 poorer…
Me: How did that happen?
Mr. Squirrel: I don’t know…um, do we need to stop at Babies R Us, too?
Me: OH MY GOD, NO!!! Let’s just stop now.

Between Mrs. Squirrel and You, Kind Reader:
Me: I’m getting induced Tuesday morning.
You: Holy shitballs, woman.
Me: Yes indeed.