-image-Hi. I’m Stacy. Meet my subconscious.

June 30, 2008 | Mr. Squirrel, Me, random randomness

I dream a lot. I have crazy dreams. I can usually remember parts of my nightly dreams, which I retell to my stunned husband who, sadly, cannot remember his own dreams unless they’re unusually terrifying or funny…like the time he led a group of superheroes called the Fast Action Response Team. Oh yes, he led the FARTs. Apparently their capes had the little cartoon fart cloud on them.

But back to me.

Last night in my dream, I published a book called “The 7 Beers I Brought to Heaven.” I’m pretty sure I stole from this book. But whatever. It’s a dream. I couldn’t help myself.

When I told Mr. Squirrel about it, he deadpanned, “You’re assuming you’d get into heaven?”

Point, Mr. Squirrel.

When I scoffed at him, he then asked what beers I would bring.

Corona (with lime), duh. I mean, that’s basically all I like. So then what? Doesn’t heaven already have beer waiting? Would they have lime, or would I have to substitute one of my seven beers for the lime? Seven beers ONLY or seven kinds of beer during my stay? How long will I be staying? Are all the beers for me or can I distribute? I could bring Mr. Squirrel some Guiness. I don’t really like beer, except for the occasional Corona, so can I bring iced tea (with lemon)? Diet Coke? What’s the beverage situation in heaven, anyway? I mean, if there’s only water available, I’ll need to bring some lime-flavored seltzer, too.

And then Mr. Squirrel interrupted my ramblings, kissed me and left for work. I guess he didn’t want to delve into this too deeply before 8am. Hmpf. See if he gets any Guiness!

Do you think there’s a big ol’ beverage bar in heaven? Perfectly brewed unsweetened iced tea with free lemon wedges? Diet Coke? Diet Dr. Pepper? If you had to pick one beverage (let’s assume plain water is available) to go with you into the sweet hereafter, what would you take? Yes, one. I only get to take seven. I mean, it’s my book people.

-image-Attention to Detail

June 4, 2008 | random randomness

If you get Parents magazine, did you catch the inaccurate photo related to the story on returning items to stores? They suggested stapling the receipt to the price tag (until you decide whether or not to keep the item). Great idea. However, don’t then include a photo of a Children’s Place tshirt attached to a Target gift receipt? Come on. It drove me nuts. I noticed it right away.

Also? Don’t leave the room for one second to throw away a wrapper, leaving your toddler to fall off the couch fort and bonk his eye so bad you end up in the ER. Yeah, I’m good. Jojo is FINE…just looks roughed up.

-image-Dic this, beyotch.

June 3, 2008 | bitterness, random randomness

I just made up a word. I think. I haven’t checked with lexicon lawyers or those addicted to Scrabble, but check it: scugly. As in Scary ugly. This hideous thing served as my muse.

Check your local di
wait.
stop.

It’s on urban dictionary dot god damn com. Not that I’m bitter. Like Bitter Ugly.

Bitugly. YES, now that’s going to sweep the nation. Just you wait…

-image-Who’s the Mole?

TV/movie addiction, random randomness

WELL, if you have any guesses, don’t tell me because I forgot to watch the season premiere last night because I thought it was June 1, not June 2. Yes, I’m a frigging moron.

And for those of you scratching your head and wondering what is “The Mole?” Well, it’s only my favorite reality tv show Of. All. Time. that is back (even though Anderson Cooper no longer hosts…wah).

I’m going to try to catch up on abc.com (hopefully). You should, too!

Also. Question: how long do I have to wait until I call the New Mom to get my glass baking pan back?

-image-Next Stop: Top Chef

May 26, 2008 | Uncategorized, Me, random randomness

I wowed you all with my chocolate chip cookies soup, but can I just tell you how damn tasty my latest pairing is?

Picture this: Oatmeal Teddy Grahams + Nutella = Large But Happy Ass.

Oh yes, I’ve put away half a jar of Nutella and almost an entire box of the Grahams today. I need to stop. When Mr. Squirrel reaches for the Nutella tomorrow morning, what he finds (or doesn’t find) will surely alarm him. My addiction is so bad that I strongly considered NOT telling you about the Win a Case of Nutella giveaway. Sad and selfish.

Are there any treats/sweeps you’re not sharing in hopes of bringing home the prize? Fess up, people.

-image-He doesn’t like them either.

May 17, 2008 | Uncategorized, Jojo, random randomness, The Nugget

Jojo experienced bagpipes for the first time in his young life and joins the ‘no thank you’ side of the quadrant…

What he did like and “get” for the first time at a parade? The candy-tossing. Ooooh yes, my boy is a quick study at the strewn candy scoopage. After a few non-candy throwing floats, Jojo turned to my husband and asked “where are the people who throw candy to MEEEEE?” They’re coming, Jojo… they’re coming.

He even used our new drink holder on the stroller to store his booty:

Miraculously, the Nugget slept through countless marching bands and obscenely loud firetruck horns and sirens.

Life is good.

-image-Like Swiss Cheese! Only grayer.

May 14, 2008 | bitterness, random randomness

I’m losing it.

WHY did it take my husband to finally clue me in to my idiotic thinking about daycare? He didn’t read the post, but he did alert me to my quickly atrophying noggin when he alerted me to the fact that schools aren’t out yet, which is why all of those children of teachers are still in daycare.

Honestly, I kind of thought it was mid-July or so. I realize that would mean I’m back at work and that that makes no sense, but … well, instead of mocking me, let’s just pray that all of English beef I ate in April 1996 hasn’t come back to haunt me/eat away my gray matter. No really. The FIRST newscast I saw when I returned from this particular stay in europe (and a couple weeks in England) was breaking news about mad cow disease. I’ve got it. Scouts honor.

So yeah. I have mad cow’s disease probably. But more importantly, I don’t have effing daycare lined up yet and instead of freaking out about it more tonight, I’m going to go to bed.

-image-Tell me I’m gross.

May 12, 2008 | Me, random randomness

Does anyone else ever make a 1/2 dozen chocolate chip cookies, then slide them off the hot pan into a bowl, pour milk over the cookies and eat them with a spoon? 6 cookies. 6 fatty cookies.

I feel kinda yucky.

-image-I’m Confused. Please help.

random randomness

When the flag on the mailbox is up, does that mean

a. your mail has arrived OR
b. you have mail that you need the mail carrier to take with them/mail for you?

I always thought flag up meant (b), but after seeing a couple of scenarios on tv where the mail is delivered and then the flag is raised, I’m seriously confused. Also, in one of Jojo’s books, Biscuit the dog receives a Valentine’s card in a mailbox with a raised flag.

What’s going on here? Is this a regional thing? We don’t even have a box with a flag — our mail carrier walks and puts it in the placed-too-high-on-the-door-frame box that I have to reach up, over and into and holy shitballs once there was like a moth or bird in there and it all fluttered around and almost bit me/gave me rabies/killed me and I think I might have peeeed a little bit.

Please help me. On any of the issues displayed here.
======

UPDATE: Ok, it’s clear from your responses that B is correct, which I always thought. But now that you have read my mystery, you’ll see it on tv commercials or in kids books. You’ll see that when they pick up their mail from their mailbox, the flag is up, as if the mail carrier was alerting them that mail was there. Seriously. Go forth and see this craziness.

-image-Who’s Going to

May 9, 2008 | holidays, random randomness, The Nugget

Turn this Mother Out and win today’s prize in my big ass Mother of All Holidays Contestganza?

So far, SJ, My Buddy Mimi, Michelle Z, Liza and Mrs. CPA have won fabulous prizes which sit atop my dining room table, mocking Jojo with their not-for-himedness.

At some point during this Mother’s Day themed week of mine, I should probably post something thoughtful and nice, eh? It’s not going to be today. Sorry. Jojo should be risin’ from his nap soon, and I need to get some non-bloggy things done before then. This quiz will be short and sweet and most certainly easier than yesterday’s…

Thanks to Duggar WannaBe Nic — or should I call you Jic?, I’ve been alerted that the red OCCUPIED light, again, flashes over Mrs. Duggar’s uterus.

CONTEST QUESTIONS:
1. If I were a Duggar, which girl name would I want (see list…and play Name That Duggar, which hello, is tough but I can’t get enough of them telling me “No Tater Tot Casserole for you!”)?
2. If I were a boy and a Duggar, which name would I want?

TIE BREAKING QUESTION: If you’re at Marshall’s this weekend and see these in a size 8, will you buy them for me? PLEASE? They are out of my size in the two Marshall’s around here.

Oh wait, the real bonus question is: How much did The Nugget weigh at his 2 month check-up yesterday (FYI, Jojo weighed 12lb, 14 oz at his 2 month appt)?

For those of you who don’t check the internet over the weekend, Happy Weekend and/or Happy Mother’s Day. Otherwise, the games continue here at HollowSquirrel!