-image-sticker shock

June 19, 2008 | The Office

Price of daycare for Jojo before Nugget: $138 for 2.5 days per week.

Price of daycare (at new location because I don’t want to return to the other place because, let’s be honest, the women in the infant room hate me because in my ‘anonymous survey’ I mentioned that I didn’t think it was necessary for the workers to bring in doughnuts for the children, considering Jojo was ten months old and which 10 month old needs to eat a friggin doughnut? I love doughnuts. I love you, workers, eating doughnuts…just do it before work or in a different room. I digress much. The point is, the No Doughnuts For Infants Rule became, well, a rule at my suggestion, and I started receiving not so friendly treatment from these ‘ladies’ afterwards. Whatever. You think you’re getting my Nugget with THAT attitude? I think not)…

OK so where was I?

Price of daycare for Jojo & the Nugget for three days a week: $425.

ARE YOU POOOOPING ME? Are you? I feel pooped upon. Mind you, I could enroll them for five full days and pay a mere $56 more.

That, my friends, is why most women cannot work part-time when they have children. Part-time daycare, if found (because many centers or home daycares do not offer it), is financially prohibitive. According to a recent poll I saw of mothers, the overwhelming majority of women would like to work part-time. I’m guessing the disconnect, in large part, comes from the daycare dilemma.

Mr. Squirrel and I will have to sit down and discuss the feasibility of my return to work plan. I’ll make enough to cover daycare (but not by much!), but when we factor in gas, I’m not sure it’s a money-making venture. Is it a Save Stacy’s Sanity venture? Yes, so now the question remains…how much will we pay for Stacy’s sanity?

The answer lies out there…Stay Tuned!

-image-Didja hear, little brother?

May 23, 2008 | The Office, the homestead

Mommy scored 2 more months home with us! Yay!

Yes, after I wrote this post, I contacted HR to discuss extending my childcare leave through July. It was approved today! I’m relieved and thrilled. Thanks for your support.

-image-What’s Going On

May 21, 2008 | Jojo, The Office, The Nugget

My friend Nic said it was fairly obvious, but she didn’t want to say anything until I was ready to admit it myself. But yes, I’m having second thoughts about returning to work.

You saw it, too?

ugh. blech. ACK.

This whole procrastinating on the daycare bit was so obvious to everyone except me. I just kept plugging ahead (with visions of lunches out with colleagues and unfettered time on the internet adult conversation) with my plan to return to work.

I don’t know. With no spots at any respectable daycare and my one referred nanny not returning my email (ok, I could probably CALL her, but there goes that avoidance again), I’m thinking I may just need some more time at home.

When I started my part-time position when Jojo was a baby, he was actually 9 months old. He wasn’t that interested in breastfeeding anymore, which made the transition to daycare/bottlefeeding so much easier. He could also sit unsupported and Gollum-like crawl, so I was reassured that he could play by himself of crawl away if he wanted a certain toy or person at daycare.

The Nugget, on the other hand, is completely dependent on me (or anyone taking care of him), and ack, I don’t know. I’d never considered having a nanny because of the Lifetime movies, but now I’d rather have someone come to our house and love both boys than take the Nugget to a daycare where the ratio of teachers is higher.

Plus, the thought of pumping at work skeeves me out. Currently, my big ass office (with all the nice grad students on their way out into the ‘real’ world…which? WAH I miss them. COME BACK. GRAD SCHOOL IS MUCH BETTER THAN THE REAL WORLD…COME BAAACKKKKK!) has a lock and would be great for pumping, but in a few weeks, we’re moving offices (oh, and that’s not going to generate any stories, right?).

My new “office,” I’m fairly certain, is a cube…you know how it goes when you’re not getting any news about it, since they don’t want to tell you the news? Yeah. No news about the new offices is not, in this case, good news. Plus, the bathroom for all of us is off the lobby to a waiting room, so I can’t be commandeering the one unisex (blech) bathroom several times a day for ten minutes each time. My God gross.

So. Can you tell I’m lining up the excuses? Why am I trying to convince you that going back is a bad idea? I need to come to terms with this apprehension and just fill out the paperwork to extend my time off. Maybe until I’ve negotiated a temporary office (with door at least; a lock would be a bonus) to pump…and until I’ve secured daycare placement (or nanny) that excites me.

Anyway, how long after I post this will my BestWorkFriend Vera call me in a panic? I’m placing bets on 13 seconds…

-image-You know how sometimes…

May 14, 2008 | The Office, bitterness, family

I’m a big asshat who procrastinates and waits until May 13 to start calling around for childcare and DOH Stacy, places are filled up so now I’m screwing the giant pooch? Yeah.

Directors are laughing at me (LAUGHING!)(AT ME!) (DON’T THEY KNOW I HAVE DOUCHE CARDS I WILL SEND THEM FOR THEIR MOCKERY???) for looking so late in the game…

but but

here’s my (erroneous) thought process: teachers have the summers off, so they probably took their kids out of daycare, so their spots are wide open for the taking. Um, flawed, wishful thinking.

Call me (and yes, I have my hand in the “phone”/call me” shape) if you wanna come watch the Nugget & Jojo. You do, right? Good. Starting June 2! You can eat all the hummus and teddy grahams (not together. unless that’s your thing. I don’t judge.) you can fit in your tummy.

-image-Counter UGH post: Awwwww….

February 29, 2008 | Baby Making, The Office

Just after I posted the bitter post of yesterday, the receptionist at work phoned to ask if I’d come out to see her.

I sashayed weeble-wobbled out there to find a big box from The Children’s Place and a monstrously adorable baby gift bag! For me! She explained that D, one of the work study students, had a gift for me (super cute and cuddly outfit from The Children’s Place…even I don’t spend $$ there…and she’s a student! How thoughtful is that?). I started tearing up.

Then J, our receptionist, who also shouldn’t be going around buying us presents eagerly told me to open up the gift bag she got for me…which overflowed with adorable receiving blankets, onesies, socks, leggings and theeee cutest handmade fleece blanket that’s turquoise with dinosaurs. Roar! I love it.

I may have cried when I returned to my office. Cuz how sweet is that?

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Also in response to my previous rant, I tried contacting our high school-aged babysitter about watching Jojo this Saturday. He sent me an email that made me cry because he’s the nicest kid and a great sitter, being the oldest of FIVE boys, he’s had some experience with boys (more than me!). Here’s his email to me:

Hi Stacy,
Great to hear from you! I’ve been very busy and stressed this school year, junior year is horrible. Congratulations on baby number 2! Unfortunatly I’m not available this Saturday, my aunt is moving on Saturday, and I need to help her move. Sorry for the inconvenience. Starting mid march I will be available alot more often for baby sitting if you and (Mr. Squirrel) ever need a sitter. My number is still the same, xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Thanks and sorry,
A

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Triple Aww action: Heather B will babysit Jojo on Saturday! THANK BE TO B (OF THE HEATHER VARIETY)!! How awesome is she? I owe her big time and pray she doesn’t compare my messy house, messy appearance, messy child, and un-gourmet fridge to that of her other bloggy friend…

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Continuing on the theme of turning UGH to AWWWW… so yesterday, after lunch, I returned to my big ol’ office, which, you may remember, I share with 4 other women (all grad students). The door was shut, but when I opened it…there they all were yelling SURPRISE! They threw me a surprise baby shower — complete with Dunkin Donuts, ice cream and presents. I was TOTALLY shocked, and they thought for sure I knew. Uh, hello, I’m clueless. Isn’t that the sweetest? The baby scored some adorable onesies, outfits, bath toys and other baby cuteness. I was so touched by their thoughtfulness. And then the questions started… H began, with questions about the placenta (she recently saw a video and just didn’t realize how BIG and SCARY it is)… it was hilarious. We all shared placenta lore. Good times over doughnuts and muffins!

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One last story, and it’s not really “awwww” worthy, but it’s funny and I forgot to tell you how dumb I’m getting. Oh yes, and I’m blaming the pregnancy. That and my hair suddenly shedding everywhere. But first.

So, for those of you who haven’t been pregnant, let me tell you, EVERY SINGLE visit to the OB starts off with a trip to the bathroom for a urine specimen. I’ll be the first to tell you, peeing into a cup successfully (providing enough sample while not pissing on my hand) is something I”ve struggled with for decades. Is it just me? I don’t know, but honestly, what’s going ON down there? It’s like friggin Plinko, with the pee being the disk jumping around, not hitting the million dollar mark. Frustrating and embarrassing. But, I usually manage to get a bit in there for them to test.

But on Monday, I was out of it. I had to pee sooo badly by the time I got to the office, which is 5 minutes from my house, and I went to the bathroom RIGHT before I left, too. Good times. So I stomp upstairs, head into the bathroom, plunk my large buttocks on the can and sigh. And pee. Pee, glorious pee… until I jump start awake to remember that I’m there to PEE IN A CUP, yet I have no cup. I’m just enjoying a nice pee. DAMNIT! How embarrassing.

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February 25, 2008 | Baby Making, The Office, TV/movie addiction, random randomness, a girl's gotta shop

1. I got the shoes, despite the close vote: I heart them. I’m so happy.

2. Did I violate my own rule and offer to pick up food for coworkers? Nope. Doggie bag I brought back from lunch at Cheesecake Factory? Negatory. this friggin WEEKENDER bag was filled with the (one) dessert I brought back to the office. For me. One dessert. I ordered the strawberry cheeseSHORTcake*, and it came in FOUR separate containers. I guess I didn’t really think that one through, but at least there was room in the work fridge. Despite the embarrassing luggage delivery system, the biscuit-versioned dessert was hott damn good. (*update: I was reading the comments thinking ‘why do they keep saying CHEESECAKE?!?! Cuz that’s what I wrote, duh. I’m not a big cheesecake fan, but show me strawberry shortcake, and I’m THERE.)

3. I’m so so sososososo tired and yet I’m not in bed because one of my favorite movies is on the Oxygen network. How can you NOT love this movie? It’s where I first fell in love with Vincent D’Onofrio. It also marked the start of a very long quest for long curly hair (Elizabeth Shue, not Thor) that my hair never quite took to.

4. I’m still pregnant. Very pregnant. Very tired. The baby has not dropped. My OB recommended I walk 2 miles per day. A coworker recommended having an orgasm (her best friend is a midwife and offers up that advice all the time). I don’t know where to go from there. That is all.

-image-I’ve got the case of the Mondays

February 4, 2008 | Jojo, The Office, music! music! music!

I had forgotten that today it’s my turn to clean out the office refrigerator. Oh yes. We have a rotating schedule, and I knew I would have to take a turn at chucking rancid sandwich meat and wilted leftovers before I leave on maternity. At least I’m far enough along in the rotation that the fridge isn’t even close to the festering stank-maker it was when our office manager masterminded the schedule.

But still. Dry heave.

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On a Jojo Health Alert front… before I left for work, Mr. Squirrel came home to meet with the owner of a “we’ll dry out your basement while simultaneously eliminating any chance your sons will attend college” company. After he left us with 2 large and 2 small barrels to wear, once we have to sell our clothing to pay for his services, we all had some lunch. And then, my brilliant son decided to run around the house with a dishtowel on his head.

We warned Jojo. We told him to stop.

He stopped once his forehead connected with the corner of the wall and ooooh sweeeet jeeeesus you should see the big ol’ mark on his forehead… if it hadn’t been a Monday, I woulda thought he got marked for Ash Wednesday (with some purply-grey ash over a bright pink base).

This injury will swell just in time for the boys’ trip to the pediatrician to check on Jojo’s ear situation… we may have yet another ear infection going on. So sorry to have to miss that appointment.

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How can a city with FIVE local news channels have such a small and shitty selection of radio stations? The other day, TWO stations were playing “Hotblooded” by Foreigner at the same exact time. And if I hear “Black Velvet” one more damn time, I’m going to shove my fist through the dashboard.

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And finally, a question. In my hormone-induced quest to purge our house of all things currently not-in-use but still in damn fine condition, would it be ok to mail things out to people just for fun and/or to include as part of my contest prize packs? Items may include shoes (size 7.5… never worn), frames, artwork, and purses.

Thank you and good day.

Oh, and Jojo does not have an ear infection. Weee!

-image-Story Problem — Office Edition

The Office, bitterness

At Meeting #1, you are volunteered by Colleague A to put together two (2) binders for an upcoming site visit by two (2) government peeps. Colleague B tells you each of the two (2) site visitors needs an identical binder.

At Meeting #2, you give the status of your two (2) binders and request materials from Colleague A, Colleague B and Colleague C to go into the binders by the next meeting (Meeting #3), if not sooner.

At Meeting #3, Colleague A gives you two (2) copies of the items he wants included in the binder; Colleague C gives you two (2) copies of the items he wants included in the binder. Colleague B doesn’t bring the two items that are “mandatory” for the binder, but tells you to come down to her office that day so she can frantically search her cluttered hovel while you stand around marveling at the fire hazard and wasting valuable time watching her search.

At that same post-meeting #3 trip to Colleague B’s cave, she gives you two (2) discs for the folders and three (3) journal articles to include for the “two (2) binders for the site visitors and the spare binder. You’re making a spare binder, right?”

How many binders were you suppose to make? Please consider this when solving the story problem: you do not have ESP.

Extra Credit: How many binders should be shoved up Colleague B’s ass?

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January 18, 2008 | The Office

Yeah, the project’s going great… so much spare time to BLOG. I’m sure my whip-bearers would agree.

But I must say: I’m heading down the ol’ shame spiral. Why? Cuz Dirk saw how stressed I was and offered to head to Dunkin Donuts to grab me a medium half-caff french vanilla with skim & sugar. How undouchey is that? And then he insisted I not pay for it.

Now, I ask you… can I bring sunscreen to hell or is it banned for my maximum pain?

-image-Am I the only mom

Jojo, Mr. Squirrel, Deep Thoughts Friday, The Office

who has to explain to her toddler why we cannot have black olives for breakfast (well, besides the fact that he ate all of the black olives the other night, so we’re just plain out)?

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On the work front, forecast appears gloomy… I have a large large DRAFT of a project due today. The word DRAFT is highlighted to let you know that it’s a DRAFT, even though the two people who need the DRAFT acted like it was suppose to be a final product even though I have email evidence that we had discussed its draftedness several times over the past couple of months. DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT. They also, in the past, casually mentioned how ‘easy’ it would be to slap together and should be like 10 pages. Um, currently? Your easy slapdash project looks to be 25 pages plus 48 pages of appendix. Suck it.

WAIT…we have a break in the gloom– one of my officemates brought me in a big ass doughnut! Out of the goodness of her heart! And she revealed it just after I made my daily “I want a doughnut” whine. I think I might love her.

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Mr. Squirrel returns this evening from his business trip to the flooded countryside of Jolly Wet England! Whew. I wasn’t too thrilled with him leaving for a week. I may have acted a tad passive aggressive before he left (I know! Shocker!), but when I dropped him off at the airport, the strength and length to which I hugged him and immediately missed him surprised me in a good way.

I still bitched and moaned to anyone who would listen that he left us! With me 31 weeks pregnant! And he’s off again in a month for a trip to Shanghai!!! JERK! But then we talked on the phone, and he told me about the horrible flight overseas: something about a bad beef dish, then something about getting the chills, sweating profusely, dehydrating…then passing out in his seat, only to be tapped awake by a concerned flight attendant. Poor Mr. Squirrel! The pity party doesn’t end there, though! There’s more: upon landing, he and his colleagues had to go straight to the company they are visiting and begin a full work day– not easy when you feel like a hot mess and are crapping your pants. Also: diarrhea + countryside in deep stages of mass flooding = not so effective flushing of toilets. At the company you’re visiting. So everyone knows it’s you. The visiting new guy. Ooooh the horror.

I’m sure he’ll thank me for sharing this Special Story.

Ok, now back to my DRAFT document which is due in less than 5 hours…